My husband seems to be trying to be better...again...?

Question

but it's been so long of dealing with emotional, mental and verbal abuse that i can't seem to forgive him this time. i feel like i'm keeping my guard up just in case he gets angry again. how can i know he's really changed this time? and how can i forgive him like i did the numerous time before?

Answer 1

I would think that the only way to know for sure is if he sought professional help.  

Another thing you can do is to join some type of support group yourself.  There are sources available to help you deal with a mentally and verbally abusive person.  They teach you ways to deal with and effectively talk to someone that is abusive.  

It appears to me that if he's at least trying, he doesn't really mean to do it.  Either that, or he's just afraid you might leave and is doing it long enough to pacify you.

Answer 2

Well, my blunt opinion in order. you can't, and forgiveness is golden.

However, trust your gut.  That gut feeling is usually a reaction to non-verbal cues.  But, now that it is pointed out I would say look at how he is acting.  If you get the impression that he really is trying to change I would say encourage him.  If you don't want to or can't forgive him, I would really leave him.  But, remember that if he is serious his body language will usually let you know, if you want him to seek some kind of professional help try to stay for most of it as you can and encourage him.  Guys have a hard time changing sometimes.  

Answer 3

i know how you feel, and i'm sorry. (i know because i see with w/ my gf's mom) my gf's dad used to hit her not often but hit her non the less (which i'm not saying it's okay) so after 25yrs or abuse she couldn't take it anymore and they got separated. she said that she has forgiven him, but she can't let him inside the house (i mean he goes and visits, BUT on HER terms) and i see it's hard specially on the kids, luckily most of them are grown) anyways so i see how you're 'second-guessing' yourself about. i would say that have him seek professional help, someone that he could be held accountable with, and also talk to him, and tell him that things are not going to be easy, that you want to work on things, but they HAVE TO BE ON YOUR TERMS.  i know that you guys will still have disagreements (which is normal) but you guys (SPECIALLY HIM) has to be able to control yourself.

best of luck and i hope i was some help to you.

Answer 4

Thats very hard b/c u mentioned that he has done this before, so who's to say that he won't get mad and do it again, y'know, plus ppl with anger problems, don't just change just like that, it takes months possibly yrs of counselling to get it resolved, and still for most its never done, so i would continue to keep ,my guards up, and don't trust him just b/c "he says" that he's changed.GL !

Answer 5

Do you have any solid reason to believe that this time really is different?  What's he doing now that he didn't try before?  If not, it might be a good idea to listen to those instincts.  Just because he asks for another chance doesn't obligate you to give it to him.