My husband shows favoritism?

Question

My husband has children from a prior marriage and we have one child together. He shows favoritism to one child from his first marriage. It is so obvious to everyone. I have talked to him over and over about it but I just can't get through to him. He says that he just has a closer bond to her. Now I find myself throwing our daughter on him all the time so he can have that bond with her. I just do not want my daughter to grow up in her sister's shadow. I don't know what to do?

Answer 1

Bring the whole family together and spend quality time regularly.  Not easy but don't give up.  Someone will need to sacrifice more for the sake of the family.  It's up to you.

Answer 2

Well it may be that your husband just doesn't like babies as much as older children. But you probably already though of this, so to really address the problem I suggest getting together some research showing how detrimental that can be to a child. If he won't listen to you on this, maybe you need to provide some evidence to scare him into acting better/more careful about this. It shouldn't be hard, you can probably get everything you need just be a quick google search. Pretty much everything I've read says that you have to treat children differently based on age, personality, gender, etc - but that BLATANT favoritism can really s***w both children up (as in the favored as well as a not favored)

The reason I know all this is because my father has always shown blatant favoritism to my brother, and it's hurt me enough that I've done research on techniques to try to move past the damage it can cause. My father always put my brother in front of my sister and I - he was given more as far as stuff/money/cars, etc goes, he got away with behavior we got punished/yelled at for, my dad always came to his football games etc and never showed his face at any of our events, etc.

All this was really hurtful to both of us (we're 25 and 23 now), but it also hurt my brother (who is 20) because he has this sense of entitlement that gets him trouble. He got in some minor legal trouble, he failed out of college, he can't keep a job, etc. and I really believe this is directly related to the way he was parented, how my father gave him anything he wanted and my mother stood back and let it happen. I try not to let my parents actions effect how I feel about my brother, but it does.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

Answer 3

Get her into sports.

Answer 4

my kids say i favorite one over the other. i feel i love one with hugs an kisses over the other with toys. they are different so they got different love. i could never chose one over the other. i was so much closer to my oldest now i am closer to my youngest. i love them both equally but, i gave each one a different kind of love so they can be individuals. don't be jealous of your husbands love over each kid, he has his love in his ways like you do. all in the end, love is love. if anyone feels they are in a shadow, it would be cause someone put it in the mind. kids know how to get love from there parents. if any one sees too much on one kid, trust me they will push for more attention. it is hard to watch one grow up so you closer to them, then when they hit that age you have to let go and then you after your younger one he knows he has enough kids to fall back on. and time to love them all. just be lucky they have a dad. mine don't

Answer 5

you said two children from his past how old they and the way you are talking it sounds like a son.  need more information how long have you been married and the age of your daughter .  

Answer 6

I really don't think you can force them to get close.  

I just think you need to be a driving force in your daughters life.  Let her know that for you, she is the most important person in the whole world.  The only relationship here you can control is the one you have with her.  You need to overcompensate for what shes missing and make her feel so special to you that the rest is just icing on the cake.   Make sure you do not hear you say things about her dad and her sister.  The thing that could be great is if she could develop a graet relationship with her sister, which in some cases doesn't always work, but if it can great.  

Just let her know she is your whole world every day every minute...

It will make a difference in her life.  

Answer 7

How old is your younger daughter?  I find as time goes on, the older she gets, the more things they can do together, the better this will become. An issue of favoritism surely puts him on the defense (as in my own situation)

And with defense, comes offense.

Answer 8

i am sure ur husband loves your daughter as much as he loves the other daughter.. i think u been spending lots of time tryin to make sense of his behaviour when u should be spending time thinking ways of having the family together by doing things as a family .. like going out to the movies going out shopping.. playin games with the girls and stuff like that.. the more u pin point out to ur husband what u feel the more he will get attached to the first daughter..  the more u treat both  girls equally the better chances u have  for him to see thats the way it should be .. fair for both.. good luck

Answer 9

Divorce him. No I'm kidding. My dad used to like me better than my sister it was really obvious. Coming from the child I owuld say there was nothing I could really do, I didn't know better. It's up to the parent and I think the only way is to get him to understand how unfair it is to your daughter. Tell him he is a bad parent, that might get him.

Answer 10

thats something he's gunna have to come to realization to on his own,   she can be standing right in front of him and if he is clueless and doesnt see her need to be with her father then he's still gunna walk right past her.  id say some type of professional help, to see why he has such a strong bond with his other daughter, but cannot open himself up to the one you two have together.  that could hinder relaltionships in the future between the sisters and between the father.

Answer 11

keep doing what your doing