My husband slept with another woman..What's next?

Question

I'm married for 3 yrs after 12 yrs of relationship and have 3 yr old baby. I found my husband in a hotel room with a girl he met on line. First 3 days after the incident he left home by saying he can't face me. and he came back saying he missed the baby. in our 12 yrs of relationship he had cheated on me for 4-5 times and each time I forgive him thinking that he'll change. every time he cheated he requested me to not to tell anyone about what he did. so i didn't tell anyone. but this time I had enough and i wanted to get a divorce. I called his parents and told them what happened and asked them to help me in this difficult situation as I wanted to kill myself. But they kept quite. after 3-3 weeks his father visited my house with 2 stranger, saying that they are on business trip. they stayed in my house for 1 1/2 weeks and never talked about problem I'm facing. end of 1.5 weeks I asked his dad why he didn't care about our family. he said it's none of his business and he doesn't want to involve in somebody's family life. Then I told him that "some body" is his own son and this's about his own family. my father in law got angry and slapped me while my husband watching. he wanted to continue slapping me and I had to call police as my husband didn't try to stop his father. police came and asked my father in law and the 2 strangers to leave the house. from that day onwards my husband hates me more than anything in the world. He said I'm cruel woman to call the police and send his father out of the house. Now he doesn't talk about him sleeping with another woman, he takes about what happened to his father. he said he'll never forgive me and the best way to punish me is stay in the same house and treat me as nobody. I told him that we should get a divorce but he doesn't want to talk to me on anything. He gave me a condition of getting forgiveness from his family and win his parent 's hearts back, then he'll continue a normal life with me. and if his parents forgive then he'll apologise to me for sleeping with another woman. I'm very much puzzle now.

1) he slept with another woman and didn't bother to apologise sincerely.

2) he watched me while his father slapped me again and again & didn't bother to stop him

3) he ask me to seek forgiveness from his father for sending him out of the house by calling police

4) he promised to apologise me for what he did if his parents forgive me.

My baby adore my husband more than anything. if i get a divorce she'll lose her father. I got to know him when i was 15yrs. I know him for 1/2 of my life. I still love him. Life's very difficult for me right now as he doesn't talk about the problem. I'm thinking of getting marriage therapy. but it cost a lot of money and our income is not sufficient for that.

Answer 1

Max 77 is right. If you had half a brain you would of never tolerated what has happened to you. You would of left his A** way behind! How can you say you still love him??? Makes no sense.

Answer 2

I didn't read the explanation because it was too long, but what's next is up to you.

Answer 3

I would LEAVE!!

Answer 4

you should have filled charges against his father are you serious? he's treating you like a w***e, where do you come from? some 3'rd world country? Just take your child and leave, go anywhere, never go back to him,he is a monster, when she is older he will treat her badly also.

   where is your self respect? keep your child away form his rotten family. he puts EVERYONE before you. EVEN HIS MISTRESS.

Answer 5

Well you're dumb for being with him after he cheated on you 4-5 times, i'm sorry but the SECOND time he did it he would have to leave.

Then you're trying to stay after you LET HIS FATHER in law pretty much publicly slap you around because you told the truth about how much of a scumbag he is.

AND of course you're thinkin oh the baby needs her father....which is true, but does your baby need to see you abused, hurt, depressed, suicidal?  Does the baby need to see how much of a piece of sh*t your husband is?  Let him see his baby on a MONTHLY basis or whatever the visitation rights are....

You can love him all you want, but he isnt' worth working on.....cheats on you 5 times, his dad beats you, then he supports his dad beating you, and is now gonna treat you like sh*t for the c**p he's done....I SWEAR when i read sh*t like this..I cannot see where that whole 'women are smarter than men' c**p falls into place....cause these cases ALWAYS disprove that theory.  

I love my family and my wife to death, and i'll take a lot of abuse from them....but if they're beating me, cheatin on me, or something that will inevitably destroy me....i'll LEAVE, and give MINIMUM contact with them.....probably still love them, but it's obvious I can't deal with them or be around them anymore.

Wake the f*ck up woman, you dont' need to apologize for SH*T, him AND his dumbf*ck father ain't worth sh*t....get the h**l out of there and NEVER COME BACK.....

Otherwise stick with him, and still get cheated on, be walked all over, and then eventually commits suicide or CHEAT ON HIM as the neglect and emotional abuse will eventually consume you....then your baby gets to either be motherless or be in a bad parenting relationship, and let's see how well he/she grows from that.

Answer 6

It was wrong to confront your father in law with strangers with him. so let us say you got it all wrong on that point okay if you got slapped maybe let us say it is your own fault...but still it does not give your father in law the reason to slapped you. slapped you with your husband looking? Let them go to h**l together girl... your husband slept with another woman and he confessed...okay so we get angry about that...but found them in the hotel/motel?...you did not send them to h**l? well maybe you are an angel. If i found my partner with another woman in a hotel...my god I swear... i would pack my bag and divorce my husband. with kids? they will understand as they grow up. I will fix my life with out that b*a*s*t*ard husband. We are human beings and should be treated as such..with forgiveness issue/ my god ..i rather rot in h**l that mend that family. Well in one point your father in law is correct in saying that they would not meddle with your affairs because it is a "family" thing meaning between you and your husband and it is not healthy for in laws to rush into your house to fix whatever problems you have. but i tell your husband off your life.

Answer 7

Well, my answer for you is to divorce your husband.  No regret!!! And no need to regret over such an unfaithful man.  No big deal now.  It is so common and I believe woman nowadays very independent...

But, But.... if you still loves your husband, i have got nothing to say.. just wishing you BEST OF LUCK!!!  

Answer 8

well, it seem that he's not the problem anymore, you r.  And he will continue to do so because u will continue to stay and do nothing about it.

Answer 9

Ok next you get to join in on the extramarital action.

Answer 10

Your husband does not love you the way you deserve to be loved. How do I know? Because, what ever his words may be, his actions say he doesn't love you.

1. He has cheated on you and your relationship 4-5 times, and does not make any effort to do better.

2. He allows someone to treat you with violence in your own home, and does not defend you, or attempt to stop him.

3. He says, or acts like he hates you more than anybody. And wants to "..punish you by ...treating you as a nobody..."  even though HE has done the wrong thing?!!?

4. He insist that you were wrong to call the police to have that person removed, and that you should apologise to the man who hit you?!!? What the h**l is up with that? If he loved you he would have been the one throwing him out of the house.

5. He will only apologize to you if and when you apologize to someone who was at fault in the first place! So you must take responsibility for something that was not your fault, before he will apologize? How sincere would an apology be when it comes with those conditions?

Please all his actions say that he is being unworthy of your love. Heed them.

Answer 11

How about adoring your baby and yourself and get the h**l away from this bs.  Find out what real love is. And what is the c**p about losing her father cause he will be angry and won't see her. She would be better off than without him. Save that baby's life to have hope of a good future please!  Find the strength to get your self worth back. Call a domestic shelter in your area and talk with them, because you are right up there in the abuse. Please!!

Answer 12

You need to leave. I can't believe your father-in-law slapped you!!!!! and your husband did nothing!!!!! and he cheats on you!!!!!!!!  YOUR HUSBAND IS AN a*****e!  Sorry, but you need to leave.  Your baby should not grow up around him because he does not respect you.  He is horrible to threaten you and blame you for everything.  Please leave him...you can never have a "normal" life with him because he has too many problems.  He will continue to cheat...he hasn't stopped.  He is controlling you because you let him control you.  I would have called the police too!! Do not feel bad... you are the victim, not him....JUST LEAVE PLEASE!!!!

Answer 13

Ok so your husband has s*x with other women on a regular basis. Threatens you, has strangers intimidate you- IN YOUR OWN HOUSE-

stands by while is father assaults you.

Why on earth would you want your poor child exposed to this grievous dysfunction? Get to a freaking battered women's shelter. This is stuff that could end up on the news. You have to protect yourself and your daughter. These people are scary. Get out fast. Father should never set foot in your house again. Get a protective order.

You have a lot of life left. Why would you spend it in such emotional h**l. You deserve a man to love you, not just say it to you. You deserve a man who loves only you.

Answer 14

Reasons why you should leave this sad excuse of a man:

1) he slept with another woman and didn't bother to apologise sincerely.

2) he watched me while his father slapped me again and again & didn't bother to stop him

3) he ask me to seek forgiveness from his father for sending him out of the house by calling police

4) he promised to apologize me for what he did if his parents forgive me.

You answered all of them yourself. I know that he is all you know, but you have got to believe me when I tell you that it will only get worse for you. This man treats you like an animal. Do you really want your kid to grow up seeing mom like that? Do you want your kid to have him as a role model? I cannot believe the dad slapped you! Get the h**l out of that dysfunctional clan and seek personal help for yourself. Good luck.

Answer 15

You have a husband who doesn't respect you and thinks its ok not to respect women because that is what he learned from his Father.  Do you want to pass along that message to your daughter?  Your husband has issues -- you don't and won't unless you continue to expose yourself and your family to this ongoing emotional abuse.  By your example, you are telling your daughter it is ok to be treated this way by men who are supposed to love you.  It is not ok.  

Answer 16

What's next?

DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 17

MY GOSH!! I am now so surprised that you and I had so similar (almost same) experience !!!! I thought I was reading my story. You know girl? I tell you the ending part of this story. That is the end of relationship. The more you try, the more you waste your time. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Please find a  better man for your life. Please get out of that stupid relationship. You deserve happiness. You should be smiling with the right man, but are you?

Is he from Brazil too???????????????

Answer 18

Sorry to say - your married to a sicko who seems to like making your life a misery.  Think about it - do you really want your baby girl growing up thinking this is "normal" family life??