My husband spoils his daughter while he's home then i am left to deal with the crying while he goes to work...

Question

I have a 18 month old stepdaughter who is used to her daddy and grandma picking her up every time she "whines" (not cries) as soon as she is picked up she is quiet, when you walk by her without picking her up she cries, if you don't hold her constantly she cries, my husband gives in to this behavior i however feel it is making it worse by showing her these temper tantrums are the answer to get her way, it is causing me an extreme amount of stress because she cries ALL DAY almost, we have five children under five together and can't seem to find some common ground to his mine and ours, on top of that we are newly wedded and have just moved into a new house but there is no way that we are going to be able to function with some amount of sanity if we don't go ahead and correct it in the mean time, her daddy holds her when he's home but the kids are with me all day while he's at work therefore he is making it worse on me during the day and i have tried to explain this but don't seem to be making any progress...HELP!!!

Answer 1

For starters, she is not too young to be spoiled. What your husband is doing is creating bigger problems in the future.  I agree with the role reversal thing, if he sees how hard he is making it on you he may be more willing to curb the temptation to pick up his daughter whenever she whines.

Answer 2

I can imagine that being home alone with tiny children can become overwhelming. And having a high-need baby can be overtaxing to anyone.

She may just want some love from YOU. Hold her and hug her occasionally, and make it count as genuine bonding. Toddlers act out to get attention, and if she's getting ignored, her behavior will just deteriorate.  

Answer 3

This is normal behavior for a child her age and it will pass on it's own. In the mean time, get a baby carrier or wrap. You can "babywear" her around the house and meet her need for close contact at the same time as doing any chores or activities. I wear my son all the time and it works great, he even naps longer in the Sleepy Wrap we have.  

Answer 4

Uh, she's only 18 months old! If she was older, I would agree that he's spoiling her and teaching her that being a whiny brat will get her whatever she wants.

But she's way too young to be spoiled. Right now, her whining is more likely a cause of a lack of stability. Children that young have a hard time with major transitions. If you're stressed out, she's probably stressed out too.

Do you have anyone helping you out during the day? This little girl needs more attention than you can probably give her.  

Answer 5

the only person that can help is your partner... he is the only one that can change this if he doesn't understand get him to spend a week holiday off work and do a role reversal... he will soon understand how hard he is making it for you and maybe help you with the parenting like he is supposed to!

Answer 6

This is probably a deeper issue than just the dad needs to ignore her.  Where is her mother?  She is probably a traumatized little girl.  I would give her EXTRA love not less, if you have to stop and hold her or I have a sling that you can hold a 2yr old in and it doesn't hurt you back.  I know it sounds silly because most 2yr olds do not need to be held but she is obviously a hurt little child.  You should help repair her.

Answer 7

Just love her...she still is quite small. She might be suffering form separation anxiety or if there has been change, she just might need a little time getting adjusted. You really can't explain anything to an 18month old child. But as an adult you are responsible for your actions....and she is watching.  And if you can't handle it get someone to help you. Take care.

Answer 8

At a year and a half, she is too big to be picked up everytime she cries/whines, etc.

You really need to sit down with your husband and explain that you two need to come to an agreement on how to handle this and then stick to it, or this child will be spoiled.

It's hard to blend two families with different thoughts and ideas on raising children, but if the parents work together, it will become a little easier...for both of you.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

Leave him alone with all the kids one day. He'll see what happens when he has to change one while the Princess is whining. Good luck.