My husband thinks I will not do it on my own?

Question

Hi Everyone.

My husband and I don't get along at all. Our relation sucks and seems nothing works to improve it.

Now I am trying to separate from him. He has a good job, good salary. I am working in a department store as a sales associate and do some community college. He keeps saying that if I leave I will never be able to pay my bills.

Well, he never showed me how to use a bank account, but I will porbably should be good as I open a separate one from him when I move on. So I never know where my salary goes and if it will be enough to at least rent a small apartment (even share with roommate), pay my bills and at least have some extra 100 bucks for myself.

Could someone tell me if he just tries to scare me? I have to say I have never been "on my own" in the states.

Is someone else out there who do it fine with a job like mine? I cannot be the only one. :(

To mention also that I have no familly here in the states to help and the friends I have are more his friends..they would never help me. So maybe the friends I have are my co-workers.

Thank you.

Answer 1

You'll be okay.

It'll be an adjustment, but you will get through it.

It's better than being trapped in a bad marriage.

My mother was broke poor when I was growing up, she and I survived.

It wasn't easy, but we did, you will too.

Answer 2

yea he is just trying to scare you into staying with im. you will be fine just sit down one day figure out what you make each month and find a small apartment you would be able to rent. plus it would be smart to open a seperate account and put your money in there and keep everything seperate. you will do fine ask some coworkers about apartments in the area an dpossibly anyone to room with.  

Answer 3

It'll be tight, but if you really want to leave him, since you have a job at all, you could do it.  If you have a roommate, that would definitely help with the bills.

You also need to take into account what city you live in.  If you live in a big city (i.e. Chicago or New York)...it'll be more difficult.  You might be able to get alimony, but I'm not sure b/c you're the one who would be filing for divorce.  I'm not sure how that works.

You could open a savings account of your own and save up some money for a couple of months before you leave.  Just go into a bank and they can help you with that.  It's really not that hard at all.  I think you'll do fine!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Answer 4

I would talk to some nice kindly coworker at the store and ask if she can show you about a checkbook and finances. You need to know this stuff or men are going to use you the rest of your life. Ask questions and listen to their answers. You are in a bad situation because it doesn't sound like your job pays much. Good luck.

Answer 5

Kudos to you for leaving that idiot.

hes just trying to scare you into thinking you cant live without him. This is a common tactic for jerks who only want to control their wives's. Anything is possible when you want/need it bad enough. Thing is, you need to learn how to budget your money, and your spending cash is the LAST thing paid, ya know?  

Answer 6

Obviously he gets a thrill out of this, knowing that you are not prepared for the big wide world. I would make myself prepared just to prove a point, not to him, but to myself. If it makes you feel any better, I moved away from evcerything that I know with a suitcase of clothing, no job and not sure where I would end up, now 1 year on, it couldn't be better. You don't need to rely on others in life, sometimes they are the ones that hold you back. Your husband is a control freak and needs to be taught a lesson. Go out there and show him how it is done!

Answer 7

He's just being a jerk and probably trying to scare you or guilt you into staying.  Do you know what your salary is every month?  Just sit down when you're at work, maybe on your lunch break, and see exactly what you can afford.  Start asking people that you work with what they think of where they live.  From the sounds of things, he's very controlling and you need to get out ASAP.

Good Luck

Answer 8

You definitley can do it on your own! It will be tough at first... but it can be done. Use your resources... ask around. First of all... get your own bank account whether you leave him or not. That's important! Second, you can look into public housing which rent is determined by your income. Also, there is public assistance that can help you financially with cash and food assistance until you get on our feet. You just have to think of it as growing up... just imagine those 18 year olds that have to start trying to make it on their own... somehow... you will learn. It is important to be independent - you have to be able to care for yourself before you can be able to care for anyone else. Maybe it's a good thing you don't have children. Just think of it this way.... educate yourself so that you can educate your kids. You don't want them to grow up not knowing how to take care of themselves.

Answer 9

Its his way to discourage you from leaving. Also his way of controlling you.

Don't give up on yourself.

Answer 10

Call your local college and get in touch with the DISPLACED homemakers program. They will help you get back on your feet. Call domestic abuse council in your area. They will help you. Go to a local church and share with someone there. Believe me, there really are people willing to help you not have to submit to this man. Talk to co-workers about the nearest college. Get familiar with your community. Don't play the victim, Be a Survivor!

Answer 11

you CAN make it if you want to. no matter what happens be happy with yourself. what if he dies? you have to pretend that you have no choice but to make it.

Answer 12

tons and tons of people work in department stores. My mom works for Dillards. Her and my dad are divorced and she is making it somehow.  You can do it. Plus there is public assistance out there. And don't be afraid to ask for help with anything you need help with. When you open a bank account it is their job to tell you who,what, when, where, and how of it. You can do it!! What's the worse that can happen? you going back to him huh?!!

Answer 13

I am sure you can do it on your  own, especially since you have no kids. Even if you have to take a second job it would be worth it to be happy.