My husband told me that i was fat tonight.?

Question

he normally never talks to me like that, but he is offshore right now and he gets in a really bad mood when he is offshore cause he does not know my every move. so tonight we were arguing on the phone and he told me all i want to do is sit in the bed and get fat. he hurt my feelings really bad. how am i every supposed to change my clothes around him again or sleep with him with me knowing that he is just thinking about how fat i am? how should i handle this. I'm not big and fat but it would not hurt for me to lose about 30 pounds but now I feel like i would be doing it because I had to and not because of me.

Answer 1

lose weight, there nothing worst then seeing a woman who is married that used to weight 130lbs but now weight 200lbs you should take better care of yourself, and please dont give me that I had children spill, I have 2 children and still weigh 120. If my husband got fat I would def. tell him its unhealthy.

Answer 2

He said ," get fat" not, "you are fat". It is a way of saying to a woman I am angry with you and I know what will hurt you the most. It is not good to start talking like that to each other. Because you start loosing respect for each other and it all goes down the drain. Do not talk that way back to him.

Lose the weight, if you feel overweight, when you want to or when it gets hard to wipe your *ss.

Peace

Answer 3

Lose the 30 pounds, just to show him! plus it will make you feel better about yourself and you will not feel insecure around him. Who cares what motivated you to do it, just do it!!  I think he meant he wants your help financially like get a job and get off your butt...Look I've got about 30 pounds to loose and when things get tight, my boyfriend will say the same to me, when in reality he just wants me to pull my weight no pun intended.

Answer 4

Let him know that he has hurt your feelings, and had no right to put you down in that manner.  If you choose to anything about your self image, PLEASE do it for YOU.  When you feel good about yourself, it wont matter WHAT he sez.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

lose weight

Answer 6

He was speaking outta anger b/c he was mad and up set.  If he felt this way he should announce it on good terms.

Don't loose weight unless you want to.  Talk to him and let him kno that he hurt your feelings and if he think that you should loose weight. There is just a better way to tell sum one that kind of info.  

Answer 7

Call him fat back

Everyone can lose some weight here and there. You will go up and down in weight. Trust me. I do.

I got back to working out myself. Not for anyone but for myself.

If you lose weight make it for you and not your husband.

Anyway his comment was rude.

Answer 8

I know your feelings are hurt, and that you feel attacked on a very intimate level because of what he said, but if you pull back from your emotions a bit and look at it objectively you may see this comment differently.  Yes, he was a jerk to say such a thing, and yes you have every right to be angry and hurt about it, but really, he wan't accusing you of obesity.  He was (it sounds like) expressing poorly an accusation of you being lazy and/or not meeting his needs.  I am NOT saying what he was accusing is better than calling you "fat", nor am I saying his accusation is based on any truth.  But for me, dealing with an accusation of laziness or not meeting his needs would be easier to handle emotionally than the thought than if I thought my husband was saying I am a fat pig and he doesn't think I'm attractive now.  Know what I mean?  Anyway.  That's my thought here ... try and not let your thoughts run away from you ... I don't think he really has a big complaint about your weight and to focus there would cause a whole other problem other than the one you already have going on in that discussion.  

Answer 9

"he gets in a really bad mood when he is offshore cause he does not know my every move."  Honey, this is all about control and HIS insecurity not you and your weight.  If he has to know your every move, that's a huge problem, much bigger than 30 pounds.  He's reaching for things (like trying to make you feel bad and "fat") to lower your self-esteem thus keeping you under his control.  I know this from experience, my ex was the same way.  

Don't lose weight for him and don't let him get to you and steal your self worth away.  You continue to change clothes around him etc. and be proud when you do it.  You don't need to feel bad, he needs to know that fat or thin, you control you and you're not giving him power over you.  Good Luck

Answer 10

Well, you can try to lose the extra 30 lbs. But you have to do it for yourself.

I don't know why your husband said that to you. Usually when someone criticizes someone, that person has deep rooted issues. When he comes back from offshore, you can discuss it with him. If you guys are not getting along, please consider marriage counseling.  

Answer 11

talk about his p***s saying its small xD  

Answer 12

I understand that you are hurt by what he said to you, but I honestly think he was telling you to get up and do something instead of being lazy and getting fat. In other words, he wants you to keep busy! Maybe he feels like you are being too clingy or needy. Well, he said it now is the time for you to do it. I'd let him know exactly how independent I could be. Don't ever play games in your marriage, that means no t*t for tat. What I'm telling you to do is listen to what your husband is really telling you...something is obviously bothering him and things usually come out in the open when you are angry. By becoming a bit more independent and taking care of yourself it will surely bring a little spice back into your marriage. Put the hurt feelings aside and I'll bet you are already aware that you can benefit from taking better care of yourself, for you as well as your husband. A man that truly loves you doesn't care about an extra 30 pounds as much as he cares about the way that you care for yourself!!!

Answer 13

if your your husband tells you,youare fat then he doesn't love you for whats on the inside!! or maybe he was trying to tell you that you need to loose a couple pounds but he didn't know how to say it in a nice way!!   and if he told you that your fat, then apparently he cares more about what you look like and hes probably emabarresed when you go out even though your not fat! well anyway hope you guys work it out : D

Answer 14

Your husband is insecure and is trying to make you feel bad about yourself to make up for his own inadequate feelings. I can't imagine my husband ever saying something like that to me. That's just wrong! As for losing the weight, do it for you when you're ready, not because he called you fat.  

Answer 15

well, after you got the 30 lbs. off, you would feel better about yourself, so it would have been for you!!

Answer 16

He's insensitive and did that to make you feel insecure. If you plan on losing weight, only do it for yourself. Not for him

Answer 17

First of all, you should both be the very best of friends and friends do not treat each other badly (google relationship tips).

You can deal with your self image (fat or not) here:

google: self esteem tips

Answer 18

I understand where you're coming from.  My husband has said similar things to me, and I do not feel comfortable changing clothes in front of him.  I go in the bathroom and lock the door.  We only have s*x if it is dark.  It is wrong of them to criticize so rudely.  But the damage is done.  I don't know if it can be undone.  Still trying to figure that out for my situation.

Answer 19

Who do you love more?  Yourself or your husband.  Nobody's perfect and if your husband can't see that then tell him that.  Go to marriage counsel and if that doesn't work, find somebody else that will love you for who you are, not what you look like.  If you want to lose pounds for yourself then fine, that is also good.  

Answer 20

That was just rude.  I'm sorry.  I don't blame you for feeling insecure naked etc. around him.  I think that when he calms down, you could talk to him about how it made you feel when he said that.  Explain how you feel insecure now about being naked infront of him.  I'm so sorry.  That was hurtful.

Answer 21

Sounds to me like your husband is a crabby butt and is just trying to make you upset!  It also sounds like he is just trying to make you feel inscure about yourself, so that he can control your every move, because my goodness, if you are "fat" well then, you'll feel like nobody else would want you, and that you may as well stay home and do nothing.  What is he some flawless buff stud? Who is he to judge, has he ever carried a child inside of himself, just to have his internal organs crammed into places he didn't even know exsisted and get so big he couldn't see he own feet, to 10 months later give birth?!  Chances are, probably not!  I am sure he couldn't fill your shoes if he tried.  Don't let him or his words get you down, whether you have to lose 30 pounds or not, and as long as you think of yourself as beautiful, well then you are!  When he comes home from being offshore I am sure that he'll be glad to see you, and you should remind him of  how much it hurt when he said that to you... cause chances are he'll want to be with you and around you, but don't let him until he eats his words.  If he asks you why you're not sleeping with him, or changing around him just make sure to say "No, I'm too fat for you remember... maybe we that will change/ we can be together when I lose some weight."  I can see him apologizing now...  

Guys can be so insensitive!  Hope my suggestion helps, but in the mean time, DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT STUPID MEN SAY, LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, AND DO THINGS FOR YOU!