My husband wants to adopt my sixteen year old son.?

Question

Should he change his last name to our last name?

Answer 1

It is really up to your son.  Explain why you think it might be a good idea - because they share the same name and it might get confused.  But you may want to consider also changing the language you are using about your son's bio father -- even if he is the biggest "deadbeat dad" on the earth.  This attitude coming from you and others, can negatively impact him as much as the fact of his bio father's behavior/personality.  It is up to you as his mother, and his stepfather, to reinforce the positive or neutral, whether is is his beautiful brown eyes, or his musical talent or his carefree spirit.  Your son will identify with his bio father in some capacity whether you like it or not.  Why not give him something positive to latch onto rather than perhaps one day feeling compelled to align himself with the negative.

Answer 2

Your son is 16, he's really old enough to be asked if he wants to change it, or not. You shouldn't force a name-change on him but give him time to think about it.

Answer 3

His choice. Hes at that age.

Answer 4

yeah, give him a choice, if my step dad tried to force it on me, ide prob hate him.

Answer 5

He's almost an adult in the eyes of the law.  At that point he has the right to change his name to anything he wants anyway.  So, please leave it up to him.  I don't think you even need to give him your reasons in favour of changing.  This is his name.  He needs to think it through entirely on his own and make the decision.

As far as any problems or possible problems with a social security number, you can discuss options with the Social Security Administation if any fraud has occurred.  There are plenty of people with the same names out there.  The SSA understands about this sort of thing.

This name issue is his, and only his, to make.  

Good points have also been made with regard to how your son hears you refer to his father.  No matter what the man is like, he is still his father and this reflects on your son.

BTW, is the adoption your son's decision?

Answer 6

If your son wants to change his last name, I would let him.  He's old enough to make that decision for himself, with your support.  He could also think about hyphenating his last name, or using one name as his middle name, whatever he feels more comfortable with.

Answer 7

my son is also 16, and the question came up if my husband should adopt him and change his name.  the consensus was a resounding "NO!" although my son's father and i were not together, he does have his name (another plot to get the adoption agency to leave me alone). so i have struggled with the whole "name" issue... i later got over it because my son expressed how "weird" it would be to have a new name.

although as parents, we can rationalize why or why not decisions need to be made for our children, when they reach adolescence, it becomes a delicate "tight-rope-walk" between our preference and their comfort. i'm in no way suggesting that we always give in to our teens; yet we do have to determine which battles to wage, and which to let go.

although i do understand the fear of identity issues because your son shares his bio-father's name, i don't think the "hypothetical fear" of bad credit, trumps altering your child's identity.

he's 16.  in two years if he wishes to change his name, let it be his choice.

btw, my son has decided to change both his first and last name. it is his plan to make his last name a combination of his birth name and my name.

Answer 8

I agree with the others, too....Your son should decide if he wants to change his name.

Answer 9

ask your son what he wants to do

give him the choice

he's 16 he is certainly old enough to make decisions like this on his own

Answer 10

I agree ask your son, but another alternative would be to keep both names, so he would have 2 middle names and your husbands last name.

Answer 11

ask ur son he is old enough u know

Answer 12

i do think you should ask your son if he wants to change his last name, and explain to him why you would like him to change his last name if he doesnt already know.

Answer 13

After my mom and dad divorced she changed her last name and asked me if I would like to change it too. I think you should just ask him which name he prefers since he's almost legally an adult anyway.