My husband wants to adopt my son... Bio father wont sign...?

Question

My ex husband never see's our son. He does pay child support but only because it is court ordered and taken out of his check. IF he see's him it's only once a year. My son, as well as my husband wants to adopt him. He's 8 (9 in July). No matter what the situation is.... bio father will not sign over papers. He states that he will not make me happy by doing that.... Is there anyhting that I can do?

Answer 1

First you say your ex "Never see's our son" then it is changed to "IF he sees him once a year"... This in my opinion makes me think there is more to this story. The man is paying the court ordered child support only because it is taken out of his check. IF he did not want to pay it, he would find a way to dodge paying...People do it all the time.

I honestly HATE Step parent adoption. Why do your husband or your son need a piece of paper to make them a family? Your son can have the same rights as your husbands son without the paperwork if your husband wants him too.

Answer 2

take it to court.  You can't take his rights away from him though I don't think.  If he is paying the child's way, he has all the rights to keep them.

Answer 3

Not knowing both sides, I can only say, he has a right to be the legal father of his son. That in no way should impact your son and your husbands relationship. They can form as close a bond with or without a legal adoption. You ex is fine continuing to pay child support, than that in itself say something to me that he's wants to be in his child's life. Whether he's a good father or not, may change over time. I would encourage both him and your son to have a relationship. It's a very important bond.

Answer 4

threaten to have his child support payments "adjusted". if he can either pay more or none, he might opt for the latter.

Answer 5

Take him to court, thats the only way your gonna do it, if you've got a good enough case, then hopefully you will be able to adopt him. I hope everything works out for you :)

Answer 6

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/biolog...

he Baby M Case

In 1996, Baby M was relinquished by her mother and placed with Darrell and Cindy Matthews. Alphonso Andrews, the baby's father, never signed any consent forms and contested the placement. A Pennsylvania State Supreme Court ruling sent a message to adoption agencies and attorneys about failure to get consent from both birth parents. Genesis of Pittsburgh, Inc. failed to get Andrews' approval for the placement and, as a result, custody of Baby M is being decided four years - instead of a matter of days or weeks - after placement, a bittersweet victory for Andrews and a devastating one for the Matthews.

Arguments in the case included comparisons of Andrews' and the Matthews' education and financial stability, which caused one lower court judge to rule initially in favor of the Matthews; however, the higher court found that neither the agency nor the Matthews had proper authority to assume the role of parent. A baby cannot be adopted without the termination or relinquishment of both parents' rights, and Andrews' rights were alive and well.

Andrews is quoted as saying, "They said it was for the best interest of the child. But that is not their child. It is mine. I can't help it that they are unable to have children. That doesn't give them the right to take mine."

Seems if you take it to court, it will depend on who can provide better for the child.

Answer 7

All you can do is take him to court and try and get his parental rights taken. Since he is paying support that may be harder to do though.  Call around to local lawyers, they give advice for free and see what you can do.

Answer 8

without the father terminating his rights, no adoption can take place.  <EOM>

Answer 9

nope.  not if he won't sign.

Answer 10

Let it be.   Your husband and son can be whatever they want to each other.   They can have a better father/son relationship even eithout a piece of paper.

Just a thought--- Can you have your son's name hyphenated through the courts I wonder.

Answer 11

No offense, but I wonder what your son's father's side of the story is.What are his feelings about his son? What are his circumstances? How far from you does he live? Have you made his visitations difficult? Have you encouraged or discouraged the relationship between your son and his father? Did you leave him and take your son or did he leave you? Was the situation abusive? How long ago did you and your son's father split up? Does he also have duties to a second family?

Also, why does your 8 year old son want to be adopted? Who gave him that idea? What purpose does having your husband adopt him serve? Do you know that you will not be entitled to child support and your son will lose all inheritance rights if your husband adopts him? Does your son have a relationship with his paternal extended family -grandparents/cousins/aunts and uncles? Does your son wish to lose those family ties? Is there some reason your son should not know his father? Why do YOU want your husband to adopt your son?

I think there is more information needed before I am willing to give my opinion on what you should do...

ETA: Five years as an officer of the Family Courts begs me to ask these questions...

Answer 12

Not a thing.  However, you can go back to court to see if you can get his child support increased.  If he has gotten a raise or promotion since the court order, you can seek an injunction to have his support increased accordingly.  This could possibly make him change his mind.  Good luck.

Answer 13

I agree with Sam2254 totally. The bio father may just step up to the plate, and if you force him into signing his rights your son may never know his father that well. My daughter's father hasnt seen her in almost five years (last time she saw him she was 2, now she is almost 7). I have not tried to pressure him into signing away his rights. I grew up without my dad. I haven't seen or heard from him since I was 13, but if he walked into my life I would accept him with open arms. Growing up without that part of you around is soooo hard on a child, and even a great step-dad could never replace that, EVER. Remeber, this is about your son's happiness, not a last name, or anything like that. Your son may grow up to resent you if you force this on the bio-dad. It's great that your husband loves him enough to want to adopt him, but if the bio-father is at least paying support, I would leave this situation alone for some time and see if the bio-dad steps up and starts visiting.

Answer 14

No not really.  Yes his support is court ordered but he pays and is current no judge will by pass is rights.

Answer 15

I don't think so.  He's the child's biological father.  It doesn't sound like you have a court case either.

Answer 16

You can't do anything.  If he wants to remain legally responsible for your (and his) son, and continues to pay child support, you have no recourse to get him to sign over his rights to your husband.

Your son will probably want to have him in his life when he is older anyway.  I do not see why you need to change the way things are, your husband can still be a dad to your son.

Answer 17

I don't know the answer, Over the last 3 years I have seen everything and I have seen just how hard it is for a father to have his rights to raise his child. I have seen the judges go and do what's is best for the adults in cases. But no one really see's what's best for the child. I have seen a sister and brother torn apart due to adoption. I have had to explain over and over again to a child why she can't see her brother when everyone in her class at school that   has a brother get's to see theirs. I have seen the father get on a plane to gosee his child states away only to lose his weekend with his daughter and to hear her cry wanting to go.

    With all this you ask about a father that does pay child support. I'm sure he knows if he sign's away his child then he would not have to pay. To me that he's paying sounds like he wants his child and maybe if giving a chance that he would be a better parent. Even if your husband now doesn't give your son his last name he can still be a father to your son. It's only a name but your son will know his natural father for ever.

Answer 18

Tell him it will relieve him of child support.  That usually works, otherwise, you're going to need a raise soon.

On the other hand, would it do any good for the 2 of you to get some counseling to see if maybe he can be a good dad?  Also, tell him it's not you that wants to be happy in this situation, it's your son, who wants a dad, even if it isn't his biological one.  If the bio dad isn't going to step up to the plate (he deserves one more chance maybe?), consult an adoption attorney and see if you can get him declared unfit for not spending any time or something.  Good luck, and I hope the best for your son.

Answer 19

No not a thing...you may bring up the fact that the child support stops if he signs the papers!  If that doesn't do it, there is nothing you can do!