My husband wants to file for divorce, but I'm 7 months pregnant, so he said he wants to wait? Read details?

Question

My husband told me he "can't take it anymore" because I'm a stay at home mom to our 2 1/2 year old and I'm not working full time, and basically said he's done dealing with me in our financial situation (we've been struggling for a couple of months, but I'm big and pregnant and can't get work) so he told me he's done, and he wants to file for divorce. He said he wants to be a "good man" and stay until the baby is born though, because he wants the baby to be covered medically with insurance and everything, but that afterwards he will file. The thing is ever since he decided he wants to file a couple of days ago, he's been so disrespectful, never lets me know when he'll be home, does what he wants, treats me so bad, he's so rude to me and he yells at me all the time about things that have happened in the past in front of our son. It's not healthy for our son. So my thoughts are - do I ask him to file now (since he's so set on it and I can't change his mind) since apparantly he went from being my husband and a doting father into hating me for some reason, and be alone and lost when I give birth, or do I have him stay here for another 2 months and have to put up with being treated like c**p the whole time and having my son in the middle of it all? I don't have family out here, the closest family I have (or friends) are hundreds of miles away, so there is nowhere for us to go if we wanted to up and leave. I'm feeling so lost... any advice? Thanks.

Answer 1

Wait for What?? Divorce!

Its better to end all bad happenings at once rather than dragging.

He is selfish and mean,probably he might be thinking that once you have delivered,you for not wanting divorce can work again and bear his ruthless. He is not atall nice to wait coz of pregrancy,he has some other plan for you.

Is he not capable of looking after his family with his own earning?

Even the third grade labor man looks after his not earning family members.

Better let happiness come soon to you instead of waiting to get from him.

It is better to be alone than to be in a miserable company.

It is you who can make your life happy...think and decide.

Answer 2

So why don't YOU take the initiative and do it for him (I would)?  You are still married so any money HE makes is yours, so go hire a lawyer (if you got a check book, credit card etc. go handle your business).  If the State you live in requires a 1 year Separation, than well the lawyer can force your husband out of the house and make him get his own place (while you and the kids live in the house).  

You can also tell him to go "f" himself, take your child to your parents out of State and have your baby where you parents live (his insurance will cover the baby being born elsewhere).

Answer 3

Whether the @ss realizes it or not, he will be on the hook for child support (2 kids) , medical insurance,and I can almost guarantee short term maintenance for you until the baby is older and you can get a self-supporting job.So if he thinks it's tight now...just wait.

Hon, he's using the fact you are not working, which is temporary, as a cover for the real reason...he wants to be single again....whether he's got a gal on the side or wants to avoid the responsibilities of a husband I can't say. But he's handing you a lot of Who-Shot-John here.

I would kick him out and tell him to file NOW......sounds like he wants everything lined up to his convenience.....or make arrangements for you to return to family as soon as possible and tell him your leaving at last minute so he can't stop you.(I'm sure someone there can help you out).......but whatever you do I would ask him what her name is...just to see the look on his face...betcha it'll be guilt before he denies it. Good luck.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about this.  Yes this is a distressing situation.

I think you are right, the best thing to do is to tell him to file for the divorce now and for him to leave the house at least until the baby is born.  The new baby would still benefit from the insurance, as they will still think he is living with you.

Tell him you don't want to hear any more complaints, then blatantly ignore him; If he carries on just repeat the same message "I dint want to hear any more complaints" until he finally realizes that its not working any more.  You should be quite assertive with him.   I would also start making arrangements if possible to go back to your home state.

Answer 5

I think you should tell him to pack his bags now. You have enough strain now being 7 months pregnant, and worries for the future without him being a loser too. To be honest, it sounds like he's cheated on you while you've been pregnant, if not earlier, and he's using it as an excuse to get out while he can. He's not helping the situation, if anything only making it worse and you'd be better without him. The last few months of pregnancy, you should avoid stress as much as possible and let your body prepare for birth. Talk to your family, maybe your mum/parents could come as you get closer to birth to help look after your son, while you're in hospital. Your husband isn't being a "good man" by sticking around if he's going to make  life living h**l for you at the moment.

Answer 6

I had a baby and being prego is like having a bomb attached to you when you apply for a job! Its hard to work and you feel blah and he should understand that! Leave now dont wait until then. File first! Get alamony and child support and see if he is worried about money! You should have to be going throught this! You dont need this while preggers!

Answer 7

Even if he does file now it's not likely a judge will finalize the divorce until paternity of the new baby can be established which can't happen until it is born.

But if he is acting like such a jerk, why do you want him there anyway?? You could go ahead and file and ask to have him evicted from the home so you can have some peace.

Answer 8

Im sorry about your situation, but I see two things wrong with what you just said... First of all, just because youre pregnant, doesnt mean you cant get work, I personally dont think you havent even tried to look around. Being pregnant is not a disability, and I work with a woman who is 7 months pregnant and she is such a hard worker! And she works full time! Secondly, why wait for your husband to file? If he is treating you like c**p, then do it yourself. You make youreself sound so helpless which of course isnt true, so get off the couch, file for divorce, call your parents, and ask for them to help you. All you have to do is pick up the phone, tell your mom whats going on, and Im sure they wouldnt hesitate to come pick you up or at least set up a flight home. Dont just sit around letting him treat you like c**p, thats stupid and no one should just allow that to happen. So my advice: get some balls, file for divorce, and be on your merry way! Good luck, you can do it

Answer 9

Dear Red,

I am so sorry to hear what happened and happening with you and your life. I wish I could help, but I am not able. Oh, of course I should tell you get on the plan and run away, or get rid of him or .........but this is not the solution. What is going on between two people, a family, behind closed door,we don't know. We know pieces, by you, but we can not put the hole puzzle together and make judgment on anyone. We can feel empathy for you, but we can not feel your real pain. That is your pain from your heart.  We can say "been there, done that". Yehh, on the surface, but in reality there is no two SAME story, just could be SIMILAR! And if there is just a hair difference than we are talking about  a different story.

Your life is not a Love Story anymore. You have serious responsibilities for your children.You are not by yourself anymore. You must have consider thousand things before you make any step further . You need some professional help for now and your future; including legal, financial and psychological. Your children need a happy, healthy mom on the daily basis 24/7. Try to focus on them and try to stay top of your daily routine.

Dear Red! I wish you the best and keep us posted!

With all my love; Desperate

Answer 10

What a complete @ss! He sounds like he is cheating on you and just giving you excuses. I really think you should pack your stuff take your kid and go back to your family. Why would you want to stay with a man that treats you like $hit? It's not healthy for you or your son.

Then YOU file for divorce and child support. You don't need him! Good Luck!

Answer 11

I think for your sanity and health, it would be best if you started to make plans to leave. Maybe relocate to where your family is so that you can get some help with the kids when time comes for you to deliver. You do have 2 months. There is no point living with someone who treats you like an indentured servant and abuses you verbally as well. If he want out let him out. Just make sure to take him to court and squeeze him for child support. Give him the divorce, but make sure you get child support and alimony until you get back on your feet!

Answer 12

Leave him and file child support and alimony!  He shouldn't treat you like that! You are pregnant and don't need all this stress! Go away and stay miles away! I think hes seeing someone else! So File for divorce! Get government assistance on the baby! I am sorry your going through all this! This should be the happiest time of your life!  

Answer 13

heres what you...change the locks and file for child support.  YOU DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT have to deal with that c**p.  How did he go from getting you pregnant to...I'm filing and done.  He is going to really have some finalcial issues when you leave.  Don't let him stress you any longer, it's not healthy for the baby. Or you or your son.  Tell him, look, I will NOT allow you to disrespect our home, if you want to leave LEAVE, don't wait for sh*t, I am do fine by myself.  Men are SOOOO SELFISH urggggg.  My ex did me like that.  it's like if they FINALLY feel some hurt from a marriage, they want to walk, when we feel hurt, we work that much harder to work things out.  JERKS. Yeah, when he stay out past 2:30 (CHANGE THE LOCKS) if he stay out past 12 3 nights in a row....(CHANGE THE LOCKS)  Show him "YOU DON'T PLAY" and mean it.  Put your foot down.  He's only treating you like this b/c he can.  

Answer 14

My advice is to hold your head high and focus on taking care of your children (born & unborn) and yourself.  When he speaks negatively, ask him politely, "Can you please wait to discuss this until after our son goes to bed?"  Be mature, and assertively tell him the kind of behavior you expect when he treats you badly.  Additionally, start preparing for the divorce.  Be sure to check into how to get an order for child support payments.

Answer 15

"He said he wants to be a "good man" and stay until the baby is born though, because he wants the baby to be covered medically with insurance and everything, but that afterwards he will file."

Hahahahhahah- he is a major class, full bore stupid idiot with his head up his azz.  He will still have to cover you and the children ESPECIALLY since you are a stay at home mother and until the divorce is final- but you can also fight for getting health insurance (and more- ever heard of alimony?) in a divorce.  He cannot just willy-nilly remove you from health insurance unless it is an open enrollment time for his company.  If he moves out he is major league screwed also at least in most states.  

"apparantly he went from being my husband and a doting father into hating me for some reason"  unless there is something you haven't said (like you sending alot of your money to nigerian scammers) he might be on an addiction to something...

Read what the other gals write and take care of life...

Answer 16

Call your folks and ask them to help you get a plane ticket and then pack up some things and leave with your child. Your husband is obviously very stressed and can't handle life at the moment. He needs time by himself. Maybe you can encourage him to get some counseling once you're gone. Hopefully you two can work out your marriage and maybe you could look into going back to work once your new baby is a little older.  

Answer 17

I agree with Kiwi.  Do not tolerate his abuse.  Pack up and go on home to your parents and take him for alimony and child support.

Answer 18

Tell him to go ahead and file and get out. He does not have to live in the same house with you to provide medical coverage or to be there for the birth of the child. Two people can live in seperate homes and have a child together! Since you are married, he can keep you and the cildren on the meical insurance. Once the divorce is filed, you can ask the court to require him to keep the coverage. In your condition, I can;t believe that a judge would say no.

You do not deserve to be treated the way he is treating you. You are under enough stress being pregnant and having a 2 1/2 year old at home. Even if you weren't with child, you still deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. Don't keep putting up with this guy. Tell him if a divorce is what he wants start packing and get it filed.

Answer 19

It doesn't matter when he files. He will still be paying child support. I've been a single mom and I can tell you, it's better being on your own and struggling than with a deadbeat man who treats you badly or doesn't help. I'd tell him to hit the trail and see you in court.  

Answer 20

Tell him to file. It will be better for you and your son and that is who is most important right now. You won't be lost when you give birth, you have done it before and there will be people there to help you. See if you could get family to come for the time you give birth. Or a good friend from back home. You can do it, I did it at 22 when I had my daughter. With the support of friends and family.  

Answer 21

Tell him to go ahead and file. Most courts won't let people divorce if the woman is pregnant (this is for establishing paternity). He can move out and not file for divorce until after the baby is born. That would be a lot better than putting up with his c**p and exposing your son to it.

Answer 22

talk to your family and go! because this isnt healthy for you especiall you being with child. I don't know why he wants a divorce but if that's what he wants, give it to him. Call your family and talk to them, even if they are miles away. Good luck!

Answer 23

I would try and go stay with my family no matter how far away they are....That is a lot of un-needed stress on you being pregnant and on your other child...Dont stay in that situation...He made the decision so he can live the next couple of months without you....