My husband wants to legally adopt my daughter.....need advice?

Question

Her biological father has never seen her, asked about her, or been otherwise supportive of her. My husband has been there for everything; pregnancy, birth and so on. She is now 3 years old. Problem is that now his company provided insurance will not accept her because she is not his "legal dependant" or whatever, so we think adoption is our only route. After 3 years, do I have to have the permission of the biological father in order to get this done? If not contested, is this a costly process? How long should I expect this to take?

Answer 1

Did you call the insurance company to find out what their requirements are for a legal dependent?

Both my husband and I have, at varying times, had our stepkids on our insurance plans. At first I insured my stepkids because my employer's plan had a wider participating provider selection than his.... later on when my husband's insurer was switched, his plan was superior to mine, so we all went there.

I never adopted my stepkids, nor did my husband adopt my son. We had no trouble with the insurance.

What I'd do is look up the insurance company on the web, and get their main customer service number. Ask them what their requirements are to be considered a legal dependent. It may be as simple as having your husband declared a guardian of your daughter

Answer 2

This is a curious situation that I am afraid may escape a better solution!  Insurance companies have NO right to act like they are the law!

If you are legally married to your husband (sic), then, your non-adult daughter is legally HIS dependent!  He does not need to adopt your daughter!  You can, of course, have him adopt your daughter, but I think a law suit against the insurance company is in order, and maybe there is an attorney who will take your case as a "contingency case", that is, he can sue for "damages and costs" just to legally force the insurance company to STOP DISCRIMINATING against your daughter!

You need some legal advice on this though.  My point is, make this stick the insurance company in the eye, do not let others be excluded by the insurance company's vile dishonesty!  Copy and print my response to you and take it to the attorney if one responds to you favorably to represent you!

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Answer 3

Usually co insurance will allow step children insurance coverage but there are some who will not, like my 2nds husbands insurance (It's c**p if you ask me!)

If your husband wants to legally adopt her, it takes going to court and yes the biological father will have to sign over his rights (or if he has not been responsible for the child at all..ie child support, medical etc) the judge could make that call for him.

It might be easier if you can talk to him (the bio father) and see if he would sign over his rights before having him served and if agrees, it could be alot less costly than if he fights it.

Most men who dont take care of their children at all, have no problems signing over their rights because then they dont have to worry about child support or having to cover medical insurance for the child.

Best bet is to call a lawyer and have a free consult and ask what their retainer will be and all costs IF the bio doesnt fight.

best of luck to you!

Answer 4

I know that the biological father has to sign away his parental rights before you can continue with an adoption. That's pretty much all I really know about it. When I was younger my step father wanted to adopt me but my biological father wouldn't sign away his parental rights so it couldn't go forward. I'm sure you could find all the information you need on an internet search engine. You could also call a family attorney and request some free legal advice. They will usually provide it over the phone. I pray that everything goes smoothly for you and that the adoption can go on without any contest. God Bless!

Answer 5

First off, were you married to to Bio father at any point? If not then he as no rights unless he registered with the Putative Father Registry. That registry is in most states. Your hubby can only adopt if,

1- Bio father has not paid any support or seen the child in 1 year

2- Find out if, in your state they have the Putative fathers Registry.

To get insurance from the Bio fathers company, can only be done if you force it and go to court. See an adoption Lawyer. You tell the Bio father to deal with his insurance and figure it out otherwise he will loose his rights as a father.

The bio father, if he says his insurance company wont pay! He better pay out of his own pocket. Thats what I have to do and I am happy to. The wealfare of his kids shouldnt matter who pays for the benefits, insurance company or not.

Regardless of any support, this guy your married to now needs to adopt.

You do not have to have the bio fathers permision for ypou hubby to adopt!!!!!!! I am a Canadian that went through this with a Ohio girl that got remarried but I learned alot about American Family law with adoption.

You and your new husband just inquire about the "Putative Father Registry" and see if it applies in your State. If it does then run with it. If the Registry applies in your state then the Bio father has no rights and you are not obligated to find him and get his permision for adoption. The big issue is, the bio father has had nothing to do wit the child.

I hope your hubby will be a good man and be Daddy. In your case, Focus on your child having a good supportive father figure and dont forget about Bio dad but rember you will have to explain some day to thhe kids and let them decide to find the bio dad.

In Canada we have a different Healthcare system. My kids are in Ohio but they are covered for Healthcare and dental. MMy kids are only 4 and 5 years old with no Canadian  citezenship but they are covered through any health or dental issues.

But I hope thhings work out and I think adoption is best in your case.

Just do this!!  Make sure you have Putative Father Registry in your state and if you do find out where the office is. Give the name of thhe Bio father, if he is not registered go see an adoption lawyer and file for adoption. The lawyer will do some research to find the bio father but dont have to. The adoption will pass fast.

By the sound of it though, you really didnt need to  post the question. Your kids have a Daddy and just keep it that way.

OK! The cost and length of the process? It will be fast for you!

What happens is,

1- You and hubby file for an adoption ($35.00-$50.00 filing fees)

2- They will ask where the bio dad is

3- The registrar will set a hearing date

4- The lawyer will make all efforts to find the bio dad

5- You go to the hearing date, and if the bio dad aint there the judge will approve the adoption.

6- The courts will have an ad put in the newspaper saying this child is being adopted and looking for anyone to contest it.

The reason I tell ya this is that I went through it. It sounds like a long process but it isnt.

So my advice is, Consult an adoption lawyer on the phone first. You have an easy case and it can be done within that first hearing.

Take care and I hope it all works out for your child

Answer 6

If your child is financially supported by your husband, and files income tax with her as a dependent, he should be able to claim her on his insurance.  Call the insurance company directly, as sometimes PR people don't know what they're doing since they have a tendency to change insurance companies so much.  

To do a step-parent adoption, you'll need to have the bio dad give consent.  If he'll do it voluntarily, it will be much easier, if not, you'll have to prove that he doesn't do anything for your daughter, and publish notices, etc.  It shouldn't be over $750.00 for an attorney to handle.  Good luck on this too.

Answer 7

Just a brief story for you: I was adopted by a step parent at age 8 and my name was changed to reflect his name. For some reason this also changed my official birth certificate which was re-issued to claim the step parent as my birth parent.

Fast forward 20yrs. My step parent (although I know it is not always the case) was a horrendous parent and abused us so I wanted to reclaim my original birth name. I had to pay to have my name changed BACK to my birth name and although I can access a copy of my original birth certificate it is stamped in big red letters with NOT FOR OFFICIAL USE. This means that I still have to use the ammended birth certificate with my step parents name on it in combination with my "change of name certificate" to prove my identity.

Last year I applied for an Australian passport. I am an Australian citizen and have been my entire life, I was born here to Australian parents BUT my step parent was English. When analysing my paperwork for my passport application I was advised that my birth certificate indicated I was born to my step parent and my birth was not registered for 8 years after I was born. According to the passport office this was "dodgy" and I had to go to great lengths to prove I am who I say I am.

What I am trying to say is that I STILL don't understand what gives anyone the right to alter an official document such as a birth certificate. I have spoken with my mother about this and how selfish I believe she was to change my name and how much I resent that for the rest of my life I will have that low life listed as my parent on the official documented record of my birth.

If you want to make things easier on your daughter in terms of being part of the family just casually change her surname to match your family name but DO NOT change any official documentation as you will regret it in the long run.

My mum is so sorry for what she "thought was the right thing to do under the circumstances" and it will never rest easy with me that she did it at all.

Good luck.

Answer 8

In my state there are 2 ways...one he needs to sign off...now, you can point out to him that if he is unwilling to sign up he will be 3 years behind in child support that he will have to pay....in my state anything over $10,000 is a felony.

Or, go to the court and start proceedings.  He will have to contest it...after 90 days we consider legal abandonment........he'll have to be legally notified.

Chances are he'll sign off.

Answer 9

I have been through this the biological dad has to sign over

Answer 10

If you qualify, you may be able to get your local social services to help you with the adoption. If all is well with the marriage and father and child relationship, I think it would be in the child's best interest to be adopted.

I am not sure what your state law is on adoption. You would need legal advise for this.

If the biological fathers name is on the birth certificate, then I would think he would have to agree to the adoption. If he opposes, it could mean a court battle.

But, if he forces the issue to court, he could lose and be forced to allow the adoption or pay child support He could also be made to pay your court fees it you make sure to ask for that if you have to go to court. If he has not had an active part at all, it probably will not be a problem.. So it may not be as bad as you think.

Answer 11

If you listed the guy who made the baby on the birth certificate, you have to inform him and have him sign off.  If you didn't list him as the dad, you can say you don't know who the dad is and see if that would work.  After a judge rules to okay the adoption, it is 6 weeks before it is final.  The other route is to get your hubby listed as legal guardian and have judge state his insurance has to insure the child.  If he is custodial dad, they should cover the child anyway. Talk to a good lawyer about all of this.

Answer 12

Yes, you have to get the birth father to sign his rights away before you are able to have someone else adopt your child.

Answer 13

The father would have to sign away his rights in order to make her available for adotpion.  One possibility that does exist is you can petition to change her last name to that of your husband.  If a judge finds it in the best interest of the child...she could carry his name.  but it isn't a legal adoption - yet might be easier to get insurance for child of same name???

Answer 14

Laws vary from state to state. In FL, the biological father must be contacted for permission. If it is uncontested, it is relatively inexpensive and can be done as soon as permission from bio father is granted.

Answer 15

yeah her biological father has to sign over his rights. which i'm sure he will do since he hasn't been in her life. but it will still take some time because it's a long legal process

Answer 16

Not necessarily, check with an attorney, they would be able to tell you what needs to be done.

Answer 17

Hi Thatonegirl,

I understand how you would want your daughter to be covered by insurance.  However, that in and of itself isn't enough of a good reason for anyone to adopt anyone else.  Are there other insurance plans you could look into?  

The reason I tell you this is because there is so much more to adoption that many people do not realize.  For instance, if you proceed with an adoption, your daughter will have no legal right to her true heritage on her paternal side of the family.  In 44 states, she will become a permanent 2nd class citizen with an altered birth certificate.  She will be denied access to her original birth certificate, she could have problems obtaining a passport, she could be misled as far as medical history and genealogy is concerned.  She could miss out on relationships with other members of her paternal side of the family.  This might not be important to her right now, but someday it may.  Without her knowledge or consent, her name will be changed, and another man substitued for her father.  If at all possible, the child should have a say as to whether or not they want all this to happen to them.

I'm not saying you are one of them, but some people who do stepparent adoptions do so with the intent to deceive the adoptee as to who their true biological parent is, particularly with younger children who do not remember their actual parent.  If you decide that having insurance coverage for your daughter is more important than her having full rights, and there is no other way for you to get insurance, then PLEASE be supportive & totally honest at all times with her about it.  

And yes, you do need the father's consent to have his daughter adopted by someone else.  Adoption will permanently erase all his legal rights and responsibilities to his daughter.  The new husband would be permanently responsible for her in every way even if the marriage between you and your current husband does not last.  If you cannot find her father, then a legal notice must be published before a court will terminate his parental rights and allow an adoption to occur.

Adoption is never a decision to be made lightly.  Please think every angle through from everyone's perspective.  Thank you.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Edit to add:  Creating a guardianship for your daughter is an option will provide what insurance companies want as far as being a "legal dependent"  without compromising any of your daughter's rights or identity.  Have you considered that?

Answer 18

Yes yopu need permission but only if the father objects. If they cannot contact him than the adpotion will go threw no problem.

Answer 19

I was adopted by my step-father when I was 10 and we still had to let it be known to my bio-father. He did not contest, I dont remember how long it took exactly but it wasn't too long. Good Luck!

Pinke - he does not have to sign away rights, if he is told about the adoption and makes no effort to contest, the judge will void his parental rights!

Answer 20

What insurance is it? My husband has never had a problem covering my daughter and that's been on at least 3 different insurances.

   Termination of rights depends on where the BF is, can you contact him? The easiest route is to get him to sign away his rights and then they can be terminated and do a step-parent adoption. If he's MIA and cannot be found, usually you have to place an ad in a paper saying so and so needs to contact you or said rights to child will be terminated, etc..something along those lines anyway. My daughter's BF hasn't seen her in almost 5 years and has sent us a letter saying he would sign his rights over. I was told with that it was a very quick process (most time is in legal papers and court dates) and would cost us around $1500-$1900 for everything. Laws vary in different states on this as well (we're in TX). I would expect it to take at least 3 months or more.

Answer 21

Yes, he will have to sign, be served, or be published on, depending on the level of contact you have.  These can cost several hundred to thousands if he is not locatable.  Then the cost of the termination will vary from state to state, depending on whether there is an Adoption Homestudy required, which can be $500-$1000.  The total costs of the Termination Hearing may also run hundreds to thousands.  If the birthfather is locatable, it will not take more than 6 months, again depending on where you live.  Some states have backlogs of court dates which can take a year or two to get on the docket.  You may have to check into another smaller county near you to expedite things if you live in a large county.  Check with different lawyers to see.