My husbands step mother is overbearing and obnoxious!!?

Question

My husbands step mother tries to go over my head with everything i try and do with our children. This is kind of a long story so...here goes...

Me and my husband have 5 children his three my one and our one, He lived with his dad and step mom before we got married and when he moved in with me we didn't have a whole lot of room (a month ago) so he let them take care of his youngest daughter torie (she's 18 months) for that month so we could find a bigger place, which we have now and she lives back with us, however his step mom didn't send ANY of her clothes or belongings with her and keeps saying things like she needs to go through them and then she will send them to us in the mean time she should wear her sisters clothes who is a little over 2 years old, and granted that they are almost the same size every child should have their own belongings especially clothes, i almost asked her is she thought they should share toothbrushes also but i am trying to keep my cool for my husbands sake. anyway when they come to visit she wants to take the clothes off that i have on them and put on what she wants them to wear for instance she bought the girls new clothes then when she got here said make sure you put the green dress on paige and the pink dress on torie, and she bought them fall outfits and wanted the purple on torie and the red on paige anything she buys she has specifics of who she wants to wear what then says they should share clothes because she doesnt want to send tories to us?!? how am i supposed to deal with this, it is overbearing and i hate her trying to tell me how to dress the children that are half mine and i take care of every day of my life. besides the fact that she tries to make paige into a tomboy saying things like she doesn't look right in dresses and shes too clumsy to wear a dress and puts colors on her that are boy colors for example orange, green and blue, but continues to dress torie in pink purple and girly clothes. It is getting ridiculous but i don't know what to do to set her in her place. she is the kind of person that has an answer and a smart one for everything. i sent her some pics of the girls in their new clothes that she bought them but the right shirt wasn't on the right girl and she made smart comments about it when she came to visit, i didn't have to send her ANY pics of them but i did because they live a little over an hour away. my husband says to just ignore her because no one else in their family likes her either but i'm not the type of person to let someone dictate what i want to say or do. When i was dressing paige earlier she wanted to make sure i put what she wanted on her, she took off her clothes and dressed her in something she wanted her to wear, which was not play clothes and thats what they were going to do. I have 7 people i have to wash laundry for and when they come to visit it seems like i wash for 10 with all the clothes changing going on...any suggestions would be wonderful.

Answer 1

this is a problem your husband should handle and not you

Answer 2

Tell your husband firmly that you are no longer going to ignore her interference with the children and your family. Tell him in no uncertain terms to man up and put a stop to it before the stress causes repairable damage to your marriage. There is something freaky about her obsession with how the children dress. Stop initiating any contact with her....now and refuse to let her change the children's clothes. As an after thought, buy her a book on how to behave in someones home.

Answer 3

i hate ppl like tht my dad is extremely controlling till the point where it ruins our lives

ask ur husband to talk to her and if he doenst then u shud talk to her stand up for urself....dont let tht ***** take over

first try explaining it to her nicely and if she still doesnt listen then its time to get ugly and stop her from what she does

Answer 4

Your husband was dead wrong to have Tori live with them for a month for any reason. How much room did an 18 month old need? Whose idea was it to abandon Tori at their house for an entire month? That just seems very strange to me and also seems that your husband's stepmother must have been his kids' primary caretaker while they all lived there.

Why is she still dressing Tori and Paige? She is free to buy them any clothes she wants and you are free to use them or buy your own.

You say you don't like her controlling of their clothing but you expect her to give you the clothes she bought for Tori. You say Tori should have her own belongings, but then you get mad that the stepmother buys outfits unique to each girl.

There is a lot more going on here that's more relevant than what you squeezed in to your gigantic single paragraph. The enter key is your friend.

The way to get out from under her control is for you and your husband to take care of your own children.

Answer 5

That is your MIL by any other definition. She is severely passive-aggressive.

It is one thing to keep a cache of back-up clothing at the grandma's house in case the kids get dirty, but another to have all her clothing kidnapped and held indefinitely. This clothing is going to be useful for only so long.

You need to either confront her and take the stuff back outright, or start taking the clothes back a little at a time when you visit (as in stuffing a bag for the kid), or start hitting some children's' clothing resale shops to buy some more for the time being.

Consider having your husband go there and take back the clothes he paid for.

In the meantime, consider keeping the kids away from the MIL. Withholding can be a useful tool when she is that big of a control freak.

Answer 6

The problem is your husband isnt supporting you. He like most husbands wants to avoid a problem. Tell him for your health and the health of your family togetherness you are going to take a break from her. He can visit her whenever but keep your home to yourselves. You have a huge responsiblity and she just adds to your problems. Its not about the clothes at all! Its about control and your husbands need for her input. Truly this could become a really larger problem which would affect your marriage if you do not talk with him about setting some distance between her and your family.