My in law visits are awful, any advice on how to handle their rudeness to me?

Question

I have been with my partner 2 years. We moved in together 4 months ago.I am the one that works now as he fell off a ladder and broke his back, I work and pay for allot and he claims sickness. The problem is that his older sister and mother visit us and they are quite rude to me.

The sister will refer to everything in the house as "johns" my partners name and even if I bought it, will still refer to it as her brothers. Example, I just bought a pedigree puppy, all family came around to see "johns" new puppy, not ours. His mum and sister also exhibit typical jealous behavior toward me of the competing female kind. It is making me uncomfortable as I want the whole family to visit and get on without fuss. my partner was furious with them when I told him and supports me. how do we stop this?

Answer 1

since it his family and you all are not married(guessing) then he needs to talk to his family about there rude behavior. and he also needs to let them know that if they can't respect you then they don't need to visit.

Answer 2

You have to open your mouths and let the words come out!!!

Let them know there is no just cause for them to disrespect you in your own home and it won't be tolerated!!  

You have to grow a spine and SAY what's bothering you.  When people do this to others, they continue doing so, because their getting away with it.  

Experience    ME   been there and done it.  I didn't earn respect out of my home, but I sure did when they were i my home!!!

Answer 3

I agree with what others have said. John needs to talk to his family. I cant stand jealous people like that. Its like look Mom your son isnt going to be all yours anymore hes a grown man and obviously needs someone besides mom and sis in his life. If I was you I would act like it doesnt bother me. If you act mad they will just turn it into something its not and make you out be mean.  

Answer 4

John should handle this. He should talk to his family about their rude behavior. If they cannot show you respect in your home, they should not be welcome there. Meet them at a restaraunt instead. You need to tell him to speak with them.  

Answer 5

Unfortunately, this may have to start out as a grin and bear it deal.... Your partner, states that he is mad, then, HE should ask his family to respect you, or their visits will be few and far between.... Regarding the female jealousy, and the referring to objects as his.... Be the bigger person, and just let that go...It seems as though they are very petty, and you do not want to stoop to their level, just to prove a point.... Seems as if they may be jealous, so,.. kill them with kindness.

Answer 6

Remind them and "John" about how not well off he will be when you leave him and his broken back... ditch him and hang with me babe.  I will appreciate you.

Answer 7

I see the mistake you're making is not saying anything to them. I know you've kept quiet to avoid conflict, but these people obviously take your civility as weakness, so you need to speak up and your husband should be there to back you up just in case they react negatively.  Do not allow these women to disrespect you in your own home.  Let them know who's boss there.  They'll be rude and obnoxious for as long as you allow them to.  

Answer 8

Let your partner handle the family.  He could simply correct them when they say Johns he could say ours, and sometimes you just have to be straight forward with people. That way they will not mistaken what is being said. my husbands parents were divorced when we got together and they were at each other throats when my husband was young.  He told both of them right in front of me that they could all come to our house and get along or they could all stay away. He also told them he didn't feel like he owed they anything and they didn't owe him, but his children would not be put through what him and his brothers and sisters went through.

Answer 9

I would start saying something and say excuse me, this is my house to and if you are going to walk in here and be rude to me one more time then you can leave, there is the door.

He should stick up for you, I know I didn't and regret it. If he doesn't stick up for you then if there is a place you could stay when they come over leave until they get the message.  

Answer 10

Your man supports you on it, and he will deal with it.  Meanwhile you just be taking the high road and don't worry about what they think or how they act.

Answer 11

It sounds like you have not extended the "olive branch".  They are going to refer to everything as '"Johns" until they feel comfortable enough around you to say otherwise.  I know sometimes it is hard, but kill them with kindness, and if they are still rude, well, then it is just their fault not yours.

Answer 12

Don't allow that behaviour.  You and your husband need to say: it OURS!!!    Or he should say: My wife brought it for us...isn't she great.

Its your house, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and demand respect.