My in-laws make me cry?

Question

I tear up alot but I don't want to show it. I know some people just act like a b-tch to cover up the hurt and deal with things. Sometimes I wish I could just do that....I've done nothing wrong but I'm being treated like a bulls eye for their arrows, just because my boyfriend's previous girlfriend was the same race as me and she was really horrible to him.

Now they've gotten the wrong idea of me, even though I'm a really nice and quiet person. What do I do? Even though in this post it may not sound like it's a big problem, to me it's like I'm suffering alot. Cos I love my boyfriend of nearly 3 yrs, and we plan to marry soon....but I can't help imagine and wonder, what it would be like then, when I move in with him......I know family means so much to him since they are so close (and mine isn't)...so I can't just say it's me, you against the world sort of thing.... :( What do I do??

Answer 1

Have a honest talk with your boyfriend,and explain how his parents make you feel.Then maybe he can speak to his parents to see what the problem is or maybe you and your boyfriend can speak to his parents together.Good luck.

Answer 2

I am sorry you are having to go thru this..and maybe I can be of some help.

I have been married for 6 years to my husband, and his mother talks about me when I am not in the room, it doesn't matter what I do, there is always something I am doing wrong, and now it is affecting our marriage, because I don't want her comming over now. Some people form an opinion, and it will never change, no matter what you do. But you don't have to please her, what matters is you and your man. Always remember that.

  This doesn't mean you will have the same problem if you get married.. Just know and understand that even if you and your boyfriend talk to her, she may not change her mind about you. So the question is... Can you live with the knowledge that she may never warm up to you?

Answer 3

I actually feel really bad for you, and can only imagine how you feel when you're in their presence.

When I met my boyfriend's parents, it was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. My personality qualities probably match a lot of yours, as I'm somewhat quiet and 'mousey'.

It's a real shame that his family have judged you without understanding with you and solely on your race.

I think you need to talk to him parents, mother preferably.

But if you really are like me, you'd be too scared to talk to her alone and face-to-face. So why not compose a nice letter expressing your feelings. Everything from how you feel about her son to how you feel about her and how you're trying to get her to like you.

So, have your boyfriend get her e-mail, or drop it off to her for you.

Or hand deliver it when you're boyfriend's not around if you're bold enough. (That extra little something could go a long way in her eyes).

If nothing changes and they still give you grief, have your boyfriend step in, stick up for you and scold them for their attitudes.

Good luck, and I hope everything goes well in your future (with them).

EDIT: I think the Christmas cards would be a nice gesture. Good thinking.

Answer 4

Talk to your boyfriend & have him talk to his family about it. Sorry. Good luck.

EDIT: I think the cards are a great idea, also Thanksgiving cards, birthday cards, or anything like that.

Answer 5

Normally, I would tell you that this is a deal-breaker and you should end the relationship. If it's this hard for you to deal, you don't want to tie yourself to it for a lifetime.

However, you say they're 1000s of miles away. If that's not going to change, I would just grow a thick skin and ignore it. After all, you're not going to have to deal with them that much. Just be sweet and pretend you don't hear anything nasty. Hopefully, in time, they'll come around. If not, just arrange to be out of the house when he calls them. And, when they visit occasionally, bite your tongue and get through it.