My kids, ages 10 and 7, go beyond being just picky eaters. They're absolutely impossible! I get so angry!?

Question

They both eat mostly the same stuff-a menu that consists of about ten different things.If I make anything that's not on that "menu", I know I'm in for a big fight.They are horrible!I know it's important to have family sit-down meals.But I can't put up with it every night.It's not like I make exotic stuff,either.The other night I made pot roast with potatoes and carrots cooked in with it. You would have thought I was trying to poison them!They start out by sticking their noses up and asking how many bites they have to have.Then they follow with questions like, "what did you put in here?" and "what's this brown stuff?" When I say, "you'll eat it all-and before the timer goes off"(yes, I have to use a timer, or we'd be sitting at the table all night-I set it for 30 min)My oldest proceeds to act like she's going to barf with each bite she takes,while the youngest says he'd rather starve than eat what I gave him.I am so sick of it,I don't even want to make meals anymore. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

my mom was cruel/awesome. She would make dinner. I didn't have to eat, *this will save a lot of time and yelling, they don't have to eat. They may have to sit at the table and talk, but they don't have to eat. Forcing them to eat MAY cause a slight eating disorder. Mainly being them eating when they are not hungry and continue to eat after they are full* but I got nothing else. If I didn't my left overs where my next day breakfast. If I didn't eat that it was my lunch *in this case a roast sandwich* If dinner time rolled around again and it still was not done my mom would make her and my dad my favorite dinner *she would make sure there was not enough for me* and i was only allowed to eat the left overs from the night before. By this time they should be so hungry they will eat anything. This will also teach them to eat whats given to you or you miss out on what you want. The let them starve method is hard but it works. They have learned over the years if they complain enough they get exactly what they want. This is the best way to teach them other wise.

Answer 2

This may sound harsh but my mum would cook a meal and if we had a tantrum she would say well eat it or have nothing - Some nights you went hungry but you soon learnt that its better to be full then not full and its better to eat and get sweets after dinner then not.

Don't put your self through this battle, you run the house not them!! If they don't want to eat leave it its not worth getting your self up set...eventually they will come around.

If you don't put your foot down you will have two very spoilt demanding children.

Answer 3

My oldest was this way and finally one night when she started in I told her fine there was nothing wrong with the food and she could either sit down and eat it and be happy or she could go put her plate in the sink and go to bed but I didnt want to hear it later when she was hungry.  She thought she would show me and placed her plate in the sink.  About an hour later she was in the kitchen complaining she was hungry and I reminded her that I had fixed supper she refused to eat so now she could wait till breakfast.   Never again has she made meal time miserable and funny she can always find something on her plate that she likes.

Answer 4

Our 1st used to be such a picky eater, and quite honestly, it was because we gave into it! So, what we did when our 2nd was born was, we just told her one day that whatever we made for dinner was it, and she could chose to eat or not eat- it was HER choice. We also made a rule that you could not say anything negative about the food at the table. Well of course, we had several days of screaming, crying, etc... from her. But slowly but surely, when we took the focus off of the food and she realized she was not going to get any sort of attention, and that also, it was HER choice as to if she ate or not, well then suddenly we started seeing a change. I am happy to say that now, she is such a great eater! Even if she doesn't particularly care for the meal, she won't say anything bad about it and she is a great example for her younger brothers and sisters. Don't let your kids ruin a wonderful time for all of you! Just take the focus off of the food and I'll bet you will see them change. Also, don't buy ANY sort of snacks that they will be able to fill up on that are not healthy. Don't answer any questions about the contents of the food, etc... and also, I would tell them that dinner is say, 1/2 hour. If they do not want to eat during that time, well they will have to wait until breakfast! But they should still have to sit at the table and be with the family. They will not starve. Its all about who is going to win control and again, kids are very persistant and good at trying to gain it!

Answer 5

My own son likes to hold out for sweets or snacks.  I had to simply stop buying them.  If he has them as an option, he resists.  He knows he has no options.  As a result, he eats when he is hungry.  He gets hungry at meal time, just as the rest of us do.

My advice is don't make a fight of it.  They can eat what they want THAT IS ON THE TABLE or do without.  They must not, however, snack or sneak after the meal is over unless everyone in the house is having the "treat" after the meal.  You may want to say, "No veggies, no dessert."

Make sure what is in the house is nutritious, and learn to say, "I'm not a short order cook.  You may eat what is available, or you may prepare your own food, and clean the kitchen when you are done.  Going hungry a day or two won't kill you, but it may make you appreciate the food before you.  No whining.  No begging.  No pouting.  And always tell me 'Thank you for making supper.' whether you eat it or not."

The hard part is for you to know that they are in for a rough couple of days until they come around.  Children will not starve, nor will they barf if they eat a little pot roast without actually "preferring" pot roast.  In an effort to keep them happy, you have likely catered to them to the point that they see "their menu" as a right.  Food is required.  A specific menu is not.  This is a life lesson.  We went through something very similar with our son.  

However, I think those rough couple of days is better than a power struggle.  They need to learn that you are not an enemy, and neither is food.  Teaching that lesson may be as difficult for you as for them, but try not to act as if you are concerned.  It makes the food a bigger issue than simple nutrition should be.  Just make sure good balanced menus are available.  You are doing the right thing.

Added - second edit - Snowflake, if she says "Yeah!  I like going to bed early," then just smile and say, "It's great we can agree."  After she thanks you for the meal, send her on up to bed.  Not for TV, video games, etc, but for lights out.  It will take only a few evenings, I promise.

Answer 6

Don't bribe them. If they say that they'd rather starve, tell them to go ahead starve. They will do just the opposite.

Answer 7

The biggest thing is that you're going to have to stop giving in to their pickiness. They're old enough to know better, and you're the adult, so you should know that YOU are in charge, not them, and this includes food.

Quite simply, if they don't want to eat what you make for supper, they can go to bed hungry. This means no alternative meal, no snacks, no dessert, no filling milk... One glass of water, and nothing until breakfast. They will NOT starve and it will prove your point. If they start whining that they're hungry after supper's over, tell them that their options are supper or nothing. Eventually, they WILL eat. Survival instinct will make sure of that.

Also, get rid of the stuff that they want to eat all the time. Show them that they have no choice. If all they want is mac-n-cheese, don't have it in the house.

Limit how much they have to eat before meal time. If they snack out in the afternoon, take away some snacks or limit it so they can't have anything an hour or two before supper.

If you put your foot down, and KEEP it down, things will change. But you have to show that YOU are in charge, not them.

Answer 8

I would just give them what you cook, set the timer, and then if they don't eat they go to bed hungry. Then do the same for every meal. Also I wouldn't give more then small snacks between meals or after school. After a while they will decide that they are hungry enough to eat what you cook.

If you give in then it will never change.

I have a six year old son and he has tried to act the same way but he knows either he eats what I give him or he will be hungry. So he eats what I give him and he has stopped complaining.

Also maybe you could try something like if they try to eat without complaining during the school nights then on the weekend you could let them pick what they want you to cook. Let the 7yr. old pick for Friday night and the 10yr. old pick for Sat. night.  It'll give them something to look forward to.

Or maybe you could include them while you are preparing dinner. They would probably be interested in eating what they helped make.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

Forcing a child to eat can make them fat later in life because they will look at their plates and feel they have to eat everything, even if there was too much on there to eat.

I think the problem with a lot of children these days is that they are given kid foods..hot dogs, chicken nuggets, stuff like that with the parents thinking that that is what kids are supposed to eat.  All of my children ate young, poo on the doctors saying that they can't have anything but breast or formula until a year old.  Even my youngest at 5 goes for the veggies first in a buffet.  There is practically nothing whe won't eat.  Even her garden she wanted fruit and vegetables instead of flowers.

I would just give them what you have made and not buy any snacks for them to eat until they start eating a balanced diet.  They'll eventually eat it, they are going to get hungry.

Answer 10

sounds like they are just trying to rebel. usually if youre strict on this sort of thing, children will find anything they can to make it difficult. you shouldnt be angry that they are being fussy. maybe you should sit them down and talk to them about the food they do like and maybe when you go food shopping show them things that they might like and encourage them to pick their own food - although obviously something you would only allow them to eat. once they enjoy the idea of meals they wont be so bad, all kids go through this it just takes time and patience. make a rule that if they dont eat what they are given then they wont get anything, and if they are hungry enough they will eat it. giving them time and being encouraging and showing it isnt getting to you, they will give up on the rebelling and just eat it. hopefully they will grow out of it, although saying that i was always a fussy a kid and i still dont like a lot of foods now. good luck.

Answer 11

If they were my kids, they would get very hungry.

Answer 12

this can be a tricky thing. My 8 year old is trying this too. I never know what she will consent to eat this week. If I know that something I am making is something that more than one of the kids doesn't like, I will make a similar subsitution. My older son does not like cashew chicken, he has tried it and disliked it. If I make that for the rest of us, I'll throw a chicken patty in for him. My 8 year old changes her likes and dislikes weekly, so I am a little less flexable with her. My 2 year old tries pretty much anything once. If they try to pull the "i'm full" trick so they can just snack later I just tell them "that's fine, put it in the fridge and have it for snack tonight".

when I make chicken sausages for the grown-ups, I let the kids have hot dogs. they have the same veggies and other stuff that the grown-ups have. When we have spaghetti, they can have thiers with just butter and cheese if they want (my older son always does), but they have to have a small portion of salad too.

Answer 13

Kids are always testing us to see how far we'll let them get away and unfortunatelly when it comes to eating we are the ones who teach them what to eat.

If they say they rather go hungry... Let them! They are not going to die or get sick, but you cannot have any snacks or anything else in hand. Leave their plat in the microwave and just informed that it will be there when they decided that they are hungry.

You are the parent. You do not need to trick, or beg or plead. They are not allergic to anything and they are not two.

Answer 14

My 7 year old's doctor said that he may have a phobia of certain foods.  I don't know if that is true, sounded strange when she first told me.  But when he has something he doesn't like in front of him, he shakes, and his whole body gets pale.  All we can ever get him to eat is toast, muffins, bacon, crackers, chicken nuggets, and junk food.  The doctor just said to make sure he is getting iron and protein.  We give him Flinstone vitamins as well.

Answer 15

I'd suggest you don't force them to eat it all, and that you always have a palatable side dish (like bread, or tomatoes, or something) if you think they might not be thrilled at the main course, but that beyond that you don't accommodate them.  In our house kids are expected to take a polite bite of everything (literally one bite, without being rude about it).  If they think they don't want something they don't say "eww gross," but "I'll just have a little of that, please."  If they don't want to eat a lot of it, they don't have to, but I'm not making a second main course.  There's nothing more gross than being forced to eat something you hate ... think of a food you can't stand and imagine being told you have to finish all of it before a timer goes off.  It would probably just make you hate it even more.  Just make sure they know that if they don't want dinner, they wait until the next scheduled meal or snack to eat again (and make sure snacks are healthy choices, as well).

Over time, trying a bite and then eating lots of bread and veggies or whatever, my kids have come to like a lot of foods without a lot of drama or pressure or anyone's starving to death.  Research shows that it can take up to 15 tries to actually like a new food.

I would not discipline my kids for not eating, but I would discipline them for being rude.  In your case I'd have a family meeting to discuss the problem and make clear that your feelings are hurt and that if they insult you after doing all that work that you'll expect them to make the dinner the next night.  (Which might be a helpful thing to do, anyway, as kids tend to prefer what they've made themselves).

Answer 16

Oh My Gosh. Please don't force feed your children and don't listen to people who tell you to Eat it or Nothing. Children will eat when they are hungry. If they only like to eat ten Different things then make them the things they will eat. Meal time should be pleasant and relaxing. Don't time them. Sit down, You eat what you want and let them eat what they want. As long as it not a bowl of candy It's OK. Do you know any adults that only eat just one food. It's a phase and they will grow out of it. But if you keep up this meal time war it will only effect them very badly twords food and meal time. I have two of the pickiest eater's in the world, and my meal time are wonderful now that i called a cease fire and fix them what they like and make me what i like. Parenting is not always about control and getting it our way, It's about harmony and finding what works even if it is a little more work for us, but that's what being a parent is.

Answer 17

I used to force feed my children and then they became obese so i suggest u do the same but not to the same degree as me

Answer 18

Let them starve then. In all actuallty no child will starve if they are offered three meals a day. Quit buying snacks, potato chips, any thing but real food. Insist they eat with no nose holding, no whining, no arguing, If they don't want to eat - let them go hungry. They will start to eat what you make soon.

MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO SNACKS FOR THEM TO FILL UP ON BEFORE MEALS  or this won't work.

Answer 19

Spank them both very soundly.  Not for refusing to eat food they don't like, but for being rude about it and pretending to throw up.  Let them know in advance that spanking will be their consequence if they do it again.  As soon as one of them does that, spank both of them.  This will cause peer pressure for them to not do it again and to encourage each other not to do so too.  Since they seem to be acting together, spanking both seems to be well earned.  Do this every time they misbehave in this way, and they will become much more respectful once they realize that such behavior will not be tolerated.