My kids NOT smart?

Question

My cousin has a 16 year old. She is a wonderful child, she really is. But she has always had problems in school. She has a hard time catching on. At first the teachers just thought it was laziness but it has gone on forever now. She has been tested and all, there is nothing wrong with her. She has been to special classes where she can have one on one time. My cousin works with her, but yet still she has a hard time. All these years my cousin has said that she is doing great in school, making excuses such as, oh she rather this, or rather that. But today she called me and said, crying I think she just isnt that smart and doesnt really care. She thinks her beauty is going to get her by. I think my cousin has been in denial. Of course not every child is going to be a straight A student. She just isnt Einstein. What would you do if you thought that your kid wasnt has smart as you hoped?

Answer 1

Children are individuals.  Parents need to accept them for who they are.  Don't ever judge this child as "not being smart."  She can tell how people feel about her and it will kill any incentive she has for learning.

There are a number of different learning styles....lack of learning can often indicate that the teacher is not teaching the child according to her learning style...which has nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with the school.

In addition, some of the most brilliant and talented kids have trouble in school because of boredom.

Answer 2

Well you're right, not everyone is gonna be a straight A student.  Is she at least passing though?  If your cousin can afford it, I would look into something like Sylvain Learning Centre, like a tutoring place.  She should also consider that people have different learning styles, so maybe teaching things in a different way would be more effective.  She's 16, so she doesn't have that much longer to go.  Does she know what she would like to do after high school?  Does she aspire to work in a particular field? If so, your cousin can use that to encourage her, explain why her current courses are important to that career.  Like, if she wants to be a hairstylist, science and math are important because hairstylists work with chemicals, and if she wants to run her own salon, she needs to learn about math and business.

SO if it were my kid, I would look into tutoring to see if that helped.  But I mean, if my kid just isn't cut out to be a doctor or lawyer, so what?  There are many ways to be smart, talented, successful, other than just grades in high school.

Answer 3

If she's been tested and has normal intelligence, I'd say she's disenfranchised rather than "not smart." There are plently of perfectly intelligent kids who hate school and don't strive for good grades, for a variety of reasons.

Not to be mean, but I think any parent who's disappointed that their kids is "not as smart as they hoped" is being petty and unrealistic. People can be smart in different ways. And if the girl doesn't want to stay in school, there are plenty of other things she can do. The most important thing to do is to be supportive and encouraging, and not to get too stuck on an unrealistic cultural ideal.

Answer 4

some kid's feel to much presure put on them by parents, teachers, and maybe friends. help ur kid's more often with homework and spend more time with them. they will try better if they know that u r encourging them.

Answer 5

dont give up on her. make her see that she'll soon have to make her own way in life

Answer 6

If my kid where not smart enough to get the top grades I would still feel deep down that she would get on in life and still have a good life. I did not get the best grades in school when it was GCSE time but I got into my 20s and retook two GCSEs to improve my grades and today I am working in animal care with animal NVQ level two. I could not ask for a better job.

Answer 7

I was just like your cousin.  I made up excuses for my daughter, also.  trouble is I'm a teacher and should know better.  My daughter has a normal IQ, she just learns differently than others.  She is visual.  I spent thousands on private tutors and this helped a little.  Finally, I quit expecting more than she is capable of.  I encouraged her to do her personal best and not compare herself to others.  She is now a junior in college, and though she isn't on the dean's list, she is doing OK.  Not doing well on tests is not a true indicator of success or failure.  Don't take the girl as not caring about her grades, she probably does care, but feels hopeless.  Let her know all that is expected is she try her best.  That is all anyone can give.

Answer 8

Just encourage them. If my parents were like that to me, that would get me really down, and I'd probably just give up. Just encourage them a lot, because it helps, even though it doesn't seem like it. There are just some things that a girl won't say, so.. Maybe you could try talking to her, or have one of her friends talk to her about it.

Answer 9

I think that character is more important than intelligence.  If she is honest, considerate, loving, and every way a decent kid, I wouldn't care so much about her grades.

Answer 10

I think that the person who said that character is more important than grades was right on! The world is full of people who were average (or worse) students who went on to lead very successful lives, due to their hard work, creativity and perseverance. Help this girl see where her strengths lie and encourage her in that direction. So she may never be a brain surgeon... she can still find a career that inspires her.

Answer 11

I think parents always have higher expectations for their children, thus leading to disappointment if their child isnt the smartest around.  I have often worried about my daughter, she can seem a wee bit like an airhead with how she refuses to pay attention.  However, when it comes to subjects she is interested in (animals, dinosaurs etc) she is a WIZ.  She knows more than most of the adults I know on these particular subjects.  So no, she isnt an airhead, she just isnt intrested in the things I had hoped she would be, I had to adjust what *I* wanted for her, to let her focus on the things *she* enjoys.  Hope that makes sense.  Help your cousin find something that their daughter is really interested in, some subject (not just beauty) I am sure there is one.  Even if she doesnt have some higher level of intellegence, not everyone does, again our expectations are often too high for our own kids.  Best of luck to your cousin and her daughter.  Hopefully their relationship isnt affected by moms disappointment.

Answer 12

Every person has different gifts and talents, and hopefully parents will realize what their child(ren)'s talent/gift is and try to nourish those skills.

If the child is not Einstein, so be it. She has something special to offer the world and your cousin has to accept her child as she is, not what she wants her to be.

Finally, she may want to take her to counseling because the girl already believes she's not smart, and the truth of the matter is she may just be far behind and doesn't want to put in the work to catch up.

Answer 13

Some people are just naturally a little more clueless than others. Work with her. Have her do puzzles, logic games and sudoku. I would encourage her to think for herself, instead of always asking for help. If she is a little on the dull side, maybe sending her off to college will help her grow out of it.

Answer 14

This is great because im doing a research paper on homeschooling and this seems to be more of a time to homescool your child now more that ever because if she is how ever old she is if it is early you can stop that. She might be looking for that on one on attentions from her mother. As a reminder DONT EVER SAY YOUR CHILD IS NOT SMART BECAUSE SHE IS WE ALL ARE WE JUST NEED ATTENTION. THAT RELLY HURTS MY FEELING 2 HERE A PARENT SAY THAT THEIR CHILD IS NOT SMART REMEMBER YOU MADE THEM IT YOUR JOB TO TEACH THEM. ALSO YOU CANT BUT YOUR CHILD ON A SCALE WITH SOMEONE ELSES CHILD OR CHILDREN. Every person learns in their own way and in their own time. Help your child find her TIME.

TELL ME HOW IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU. YOU MAY BE THE ATTENTION THAT SHE IS LOOKING FOR

SEND ME AN EMAIL [e-mail]