My latest poem, care to critique?

Question

I'm 14, and I don't write good poetry when I'm upset, and wouldn't ya know it, I'm upset. So, I just wrote this and thought I'd see what you thought. I'm talking to my parents concerning my sister (in the poem). It's kind of self explanatory after that...

It’s strangling me

But you could care less

I know you can see

My utter distress

Pleas make it all better-

You know how you can

I told you in my letter

Or at least I began

You’re the only one

With the power to

Bring back my sun

Get rid of the blue

It’s tearing me apart

Please stop it right away

Make her depart

Just don’t delay

It’s time to choose

What you want to do

You had different views

When you said you were through.

To allow me to grow

Healthy and strong

You need to know

She cannot belong

It’s time to decide

Two choices remain

Allow her to reside

Or spare me the pain

Answer 1

I love the poem. I think you expressed all of you emotions, and I couldn't have done better.

Answer 2

Very expressive! U didn't hide any of Ur feelings toward Ur sister, and U 'v shown a lot of aggressiveness, and even some (cruelty) just to put Ur parents in such deciding situation.U made me live the state of mind U were in, and infer that U R a hard nut to crack.

By the way, I think U can write good lyrics. Some how U 'v got this style needed for extra meaningful songs.

If U were (really) 14 yo then U have a sparkling future in writing. h**l ! I think U can even write a story, and make scenario dialogue. I think U have more hidden talents that 'd show it self by time. Just keep on writing.. poem, prose, story or any verse and post it to get a feed back. Good luck!  

Answer 3

that is rely good

nd im rely sorry

wen u right the poems

try not to rhyme

cuz not all poems shuld rhyme

i kno its hard

but just try