My lefty daughter is going to quit volleyball! Help!?

Question

Sorry this is soooo long, but I don't know what to do...PLEASE READ.

My daughter played freshman team as a middle last year and did ok. Her high school got new coaches over the summer. The VARSITY coach offered clinics over the summer. She attended all. He saw she was a lefty and put her as right side hitter and worked on her serve. After just three weeks she was AWESOME! The new JV coach did not attend any clinics, practices or even the tryouts. Varsity coach oversaw tryouts for all teams (freshman, JV and Varsity). First day of practice was yesterday and my daughter came out afterwards and told me she is quitting. I am very upset because she has been soooo excited about this upcoming season. I guess the new JV coach put her as outside hitter. My daughter wasn't doing well (she's never played that position) and the coach said, in front of everyone, "have you ever played volleyball?"! Then when practicing serving, the coach told her she was not standing correctly. My daughter said, "but I am left-handed" and she said "it doesn't matter". By then my daughter was totally frustrated and couldn't get the ball over the net. Then the Varsity coach walked by and said to my daughter, "right-foot back". She told him the new JV coach won't let her. So, he said to the other coach "you know she's a lefty?", and she said "yes". He said "she needs to be right-foot back".

My daughter is not confrontational and will not say anything to the new ccoach. Should I get involved? I don't want this new coach to think I am a pain-in-the-butt parent, but my daughter was really upset and doesn't want to go back.

Answer 1

Don't tell your daughter until afterwards, but just calmly go in, sit down with the coaches, and explain what happened. You should come to an agreement. Then, talk to your daughter and tell her you did this, and everything is fine, and she should give it another shot. Good luck!

Answer 2

You should confront the new coach. But if your daughter still insists on quitting, then have her play elsewhere other than at school.

Answer 3

Here's my response as a coach:  Never ever EVER as a parent, speak with a coach about tactical or technical decisions.  Especially in this situation, I feel that no good can come from speaking with the coach, even for the best intentions for your daughter and team.

Your daughter may speak with the captain, the JV coach, or the varsity coach to voice her concerns; she's got a number of routes.  Once you challenge the coach about a technical question, where does it stop?  Where can you draw the line in terms of attempting to influence the coach's decisions? Other parents will see.  Other teammates will see.  The door flies open, and soon technical challenges become [not necessarily from you], "Why isn't my daughter playing more?  Suzy's not nearly as good as my daughter, but she's playing so much more!".  It might be inevitable without your intervention, but it's a coaching nightmare.  (S)he should be as pressure free to make volleyball decisions as possible -- intervening parents only cause more pressure.

'Forcing' a left-handed player to play outside could be for so many reasons.  On one side-out rotation (in a typical 5-1 formation when the setter's in position 1 receiving the serve), she will be forced to play left side anyway.  She may be trying to reinforce other skills.  There may be another better qualified right side player.

Your analogy to making a child write with their non-dominant hand is easy to make, but blown out of proportion.  

Some of the other answers had some good advice -- make sure you daughter still enjoys the sport as a whole and not just playing her favorite position.  If she's uncomfortable with her situation, have her go through the proper channels to voice her concerns.  Parent involvement in high school athletics should be restricted as much as possible.

Answer 4

first ask your daughter if she would mind you talking to the coach. if she says that she wouldn't mind then absolutely talk to her! making your daughter serve and hit as a righty is stupid and as a coach she should know that's not a very good move. maybe you can have a meeting with you, your daughter, and the JV coach. maybe if it's a big deal, you can involve the varsity coach and the athletic director if it comes to that.

good luck! and remember that your daughter's mind might be made up and there me no changing that. encourage her to look past the stupid ways of her new coach.

Answer 5

I wouldn't get involved. She is getting old enough to make her decisions on her own. I would encourage her to wait it out at least through the week, and see if things improve. If the Varsity coach has a talk with the JV coach, it might work itself out.

I think the best thing you can do, is help her to weigh out all of her options. Then let her decide and support her decision.

My mother would always get involved in matters and it embarrassed me, I am now 28 and still don't like to tell her about my life at times. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Yes get involved!! You should be a pain in the butt your coach is not being sensitive to your daughters needs you pay for your child to go to school through taxes so you should complain

Answer 7

I did read your whole story and I can fully understand the situation.

I don't believe your daughter would really quit. Wait for her to calm down and talk her out of the frustration. Volleyball is not so easy to be removed from a player once she is really into it. My coach once told me "it is not just we need you, you would need more from us, from volleyball."

I would recommend that you schedule a one-on-one with the new JV coach, and try to make friend with her. Tell her that your daughter has been doing great in her freshman season, and in all those camps with the varsity coach. Tell her there might be special needs as a lefty (such as the stance when serving) and you would appreciate her effort in trying to make your daughter a better player.

Usually the varsity coach should be the commander in chief overseeing all teams (varsity, JV, frosh if there is one), and as you described he already saw the problem with the new JV coach. It is expected that he would talk to the JV coach about those details. It is critical at this point to ask your daughter to keep going to practice and to show respect to the JV coach. Things can only work out if she keeps going, otherwise it would be considered a failure on both sides.

It takes time for the JV coach to establish her "reputation" so that she might have forced something... which is typical for some inexperienced coaches. There is always a learning curve involved in coaching, and I am sure she would appreciate if parents could understand her, and help her out.

As a side note, I definitely agree with the Varsity Coach's decision to move your daughter from middle to right side. In the long run to play at high level, a lefty would be put at setter, DS/Libero, or right-side. Having said that, it is good for her to play all around volleyball so that she could understand more about the game. She should be happy to play the outside hitter no matter whether she had played that position before or not.



Sorry if this answer is tooooo long.

Answer 8

Figure out why she really wants to quit and go from there. Maybe volleyball isn't her thing.

Answer 9

i think you should go and talk to her and just let her know that you arent trying to criticize what she is doing or anything but you just want your daughter to get back to the way she was playing and how she was doing it. tell her what the other coach did and if she wont let you do anything about it.. maybe go talk to the administrator of sports. :)

hope this helps :)

Answer 10

Tell her that if she doesnt feel comfortable there maybe go to a team thats not as good and she would be the best there, Say to her- Would you rather be the worst on a good team? Or the best on a bad team.

Answer 11

tell her to talk to the varsity coach, who seems really nice.  the varsity coach will take care of it. it isn't right that the jv coach did that. im really sorry. there are some really bad coaches out there.

good luck :)

Answer 12

This is a situation that happens in life all the time.  eg You get the dream job, but can't stand the boss.  She is going to have to deal with these problems her whole life.  Quitting is most often the worst way to deal with this.  You can get to the point where you just with draw from everything uncomfortable, just because you don't want to deal with it.  

I would speak with her, and point this out.  Help her come up with strategies to overcome the problem.  For the first one, to really listen and do what her current coach is telling her, after all, there is no reason that she wouldn't be able to learn new skills. (From what I remember of volleyball, you rotate and play multiple positions.  She needs to have multiple skills)  Secondly, an earnest talk between her summer coach, and the school coach could help clear things up.  There are lots of other things that you can help her come up with that will teach her to deal effectively with adversity.  

Answer 13

get involved because it wasnt right for that other coach to ask in front of evryone has she ever played...i would take it to the principal n get her act ajusted some cuz she wouldnt talk to my my child like that um h**l no cuz a coach pushed my up against the wall n she know im crazy so we called up there n had a meeting with the principal...but a coach needs to stay in a coachs place...point blank

Answer 14

im left handed and i had problems like that , but i make myself adjust to a right handed stance but i dont use my right. and some setters on my team kno im left haned so they kno how to set the ball for me. if shes left handed her left foot should be bak if it was me i would stop listening to him ,at least the ball will get over the net  

Answer 15

This is a tough line to walk. Your daughter is starting to grow up and needs to start making her own decisions at life. She also is at the age where she needs to start learning how to stand up for herself. It's fine to not be confrontational most of the time, but it's a skill she has to learn in life. But it would also be a shame if this is a game that she really enjoys that she won't get to play. It sounds like she was really getting some confidence.

Talk with her, and first make sure she still likes the game. Then maybe you could brainstorm with her some ways to handle the situation. Maybe it's better for her to talk to the varsity coach first, and have him talk with the JV coach. Or maybe she should talk with the JV coach after practice about the different instructions she's getting from the two coaches. Maybe you should be around, maybe not. If you do talk to the coaches, let them know that you don't want to be a pain, but you both want your daughter to play as well as she can. Good luck!

Answer 16

Yes talk to the coach.  I am left handed and understand how your daughter feels. I've learned sports in different ways like shooting basketball right handed but softball left handed.

If the new JV coach isn't willing to adjust to your daughter's excellent left handed performance, perhaps the Varsity coach would be willing to help convince the new coach of your daughter's skills.

Answer 17

Does your daughter play on any club teams.  Those serious about volleyball play club and should have the club coach give the JV coach a lesson or 2.

Answer 18

It seems the coach is just a little inexperienced. This is usually normal. But I believe the varsity coach is going to intervene since they saw what is being done.

It is often thought that the best hitter should be placed at OH. The fact that the JV coach placed her there is a compliment to your daughter and her skills. But it seems the coach is also unaware that putting your left-handed daughter on the right of the net is like having another OH. A double-sided power attack if you will.

I truly don't think it is your place to intervene and this should be used as a teachable moment for your daughter. It is a time for her to learn how to discuss things, in a non-confrontational way, with the coaching staff. Being a non-confrontational person is not a reason to just blindly do whatever everyone says. Later in life, that's called being a sucker. :)

What you SHOULD do is teach your daughter to have a good attitude and not give up. Tell her quitting is easy, working through a problem is hard, but much more rewarding in the long run.

Between you and I, The Varsity coach will see how the JV coach is handling your daughters abilities and suggest changes in private. This may or may not change the way the JV coach uses your daughter, due to not wanting themselves to be seen as weak. The Varsity coach can truly only suggest changes though, otherwise the JV coach would simply be a puppet.

Have faith and courage. This may also be a way for you to see your daughters character. You can simply support her in her handling of the situation or do things for her.

On another line. Do you know how many kids say they are going to quit a sport on a daily basis? a ton. Do you know how many actually do it? a very select few. The reason is that we all say things when we are angry, but the draw to the friendship in sport, competition, wearing of a uniform, the love of teammates is too great. After blowing off steam, we usually keep on truckin' in this life. Don't let your daughters rant, in which you were supposed to simply listen, turn into a crusade that you must win. Refocus and be that your daughter needs to throw tantrums at. I know how you feel, with two late teenage daughters, I have many times tried to resolve their conflicts and all they wanted was someone to listen to them whine. :)

Answer 19

im not reading that whole thing