My life is changing, and I am conflicted. Should I try to keep being nice, or is it okay for me to be angry? ?

Question

Right now, I am kind of conflicted..

My entire life, I have been the odd kid out.. but also tried to be a nice person so I wouldn't turn into the people bullying me. I tried to be nice to everyone.

Well right now I am at a point in my life where my family is collapsing.. Everything has changed. I have never been a social person, but now it seems like my few friends have been turning against me, the new friends I try to make look down on me.. I don't understand why this is happening..

I am starting to wonder if I will end up like everyone else I know.. Angry, bitter, lashing out at everyone around them. It scares me, and at the same time I feel like I have a right to be angry.

Why do I feel so distant from everyone? When I try my best to be nice to people, I just seem to drive them away.. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever fit in.. I don't mean to seem emo or anything. I try to stay positive, I really do.. It's just, I feel like either I have to choose between being the bully or the victim. If I let people keep treating me badly, they'll keep doing it right? At the same time, I don't want to make people feel bad unnecessarily.

Answer 1

You don't need to choose between being the bully or the victim. Carry on being a nice person... Just don't be a pushover. It is possible to be a nice person who doesn't let people walk over them. You just have to make people aware of the boundaries and the fact that there are lines that they should not cross. Over time, they will learn not to cross the line if they want to remain friends with you. And if they choose to go their seperate ways, its their loss. You can make new friends.

Be strong. Good luck!

Answer 2

I Think you'll find that even if you try to be bitter and nasty you'll be no good at it!

Being a nice person is what makes you you.

Other people will either reject your love, because they haven't learnt how to receive love, or they will drain you and leave you feeling weak and used.

But never stop loving. Just learn how to control your huge capacity to give love. It's a special gift. Not everyone has it. It's your responsibility to safeguard your gift and not allow abuse of it.

Try not to give all of it to one person. Spread it around. Save your body for that very very special one. You'll be happier, stronger and less confused.

Cut your losses quickly and move on, knowing that you did what was right and good at the time. Let it be their loss.

feel better today.

Also it's ok to be angry. So long as your not abusive or violent in words or actions. Think about what you want to say. structure your thinking, then let them have it!! Keep it short and walk away. No long argument.

Answer 3

I think i'm in a similar position to you, my life's changed alot, i really don't want to be angry, bitter and pessimistic like other people i know, but sometimes i feel sooooo angry i just want to scream! And i'm usually patient and calm!

I've found that if people are mean to me and i want it to stop, rather than shouting at them i say to them 'i don't mean to be nasty or upset you but....' and explain how i feel. Be firm and assertive, and don't let people make you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. People tend to talk about things then. However sometimes you have just got to be angry and let it all out, cuz if you don't it just builds up inside you and you will end up hurting yourself, and other people.

You know the type of person you want to be. It is normal to be angry (but not all the time), and strangely enough it can help you be a stronger person. People should not treat you badly, and sometimes you have got to tell them. Things will change throughout your life, and you will learn ways of adapting to them. As long as you're not getting angry over every little thing and hurting people. Focus on the person you are and want to be, not about fitting in, just be yourself  :)

Answer 4

It is kind of normal to be bitter and angry during adolescence. If your family is having problems, that is going to exacerbate it. So realize this is temporary. You won't always be this way.

Chris C is right. You have > two options. You can be a decent person who commands respect. You won't put up with c**p from people, but you won't abuse them either. This entails walking away from/avoiding idiots, only being around other decent people, and carrying yourself as someone who isn't interested in taking their c**p. This also means that you cannot be afraid to spend time alone, otherwise you'll be dependent on others, no matter what, and have to put up with c**p.

Answer 5

Sometimes we all go through low periods.

And the thing you will learn is that in life, your friends WILL disappoint you. People you feel closest to will end up feeling distant and far away. People grow apart or become jerks, trust me on that.

Just lose yourself in something you love (hobbies, etc--for me, ti's exercising, especially after a wretched day).

Talk to someone about how you're feeling. Someone close that you can trust. My bet is that they have been through it too and can relate.

Good luck.