My life just sucks. I just don't know what to do anymore.?

Question

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME TO READ THIS!!!!! Ok Here goes.

First of all, my mom died of leukemia when i was 9. I pretty much had to watch her die in the hospital. My dad was so deeply in love with her it wasn't even funny. She was in the hospital for 3 years. She got on the front cover of the newspaper once for having 2 umbilibical cord transplants. Finally when she died, my dad lost himself. He was in deppression. He tried meetings with social groups on single fathers to vent, but it turns out. that there weren't any. Unleast none with the loss of a wife and not-remarried (Only divorce). Anyway, my dad also struggles with severe financial stress. The hospital left my family 8million dollars in dept. Also, I have a phsyco aunt who stole from us and screwed us over with money from a house we used to live in, in Florida. This financial state concluded my family to have about milk, hotdogs, and butter in our fridge. That's about it. And I can't even remember the last time I got lunch money from him. (The way we get fed is because we go to my aunts all the time---not the phsyco one tho lol) So now, my dad makes me really really angry because he is starting to drink more and more. I mean, he doesn't get drunk, but he gets buzzed every night. I can kind of see it's just to get his mind off his problems. The last time I remember him getting drunk was on mothers day. Go figure... Not only that tho, he doesn't just get buzzed every night, he also brings a bunch of his friends (Aka-drunks) over to our house every single night. There are two people he actually lets sleepover at my house. Andrew and Cindy. My dad is trying to get them to rehab. I try to tell him though that if he really cared about me and my 2 brothers, he would put us before Andrew and Cindy, but he always goes into a lecture about compassion and understanding. My dad has also told me, that since i'm the youngest, he feels absolutley horrible for me because I barely have any good memories with my mom. (Wich is true) The only memories I have with my mom for maybe except 3, are sitting next to her while she was in her hospital bed. It's no use anymore. He always tells me he wants the best childhood I could ever get. But Iv'e experienced seeing someone high, drunk, and a fist fight at my own house, at age 12. Do you call that a childhood? On top of all that, my 13 year old brother, and my 15 year old brother have been high together before. They tell me they just wanted to experience it once in their lives, and that they are not addicted. I know they are telling the truth, but it still upsets me to know that they would even choose such a terrible choice as that. My 13 yr. old bro said he loves the feeling beeing high. When he said this, i wanted to burst into tears knowing that because of this, he might want to do it again. And now adding more to my miserable life, i have no one to turn to. My cousin on my moms side that is my age, is the biggest brat, makes fun of me, and puts so much pressure on me. My cousin on my dads side who is my age, is the nicest thing in the world, and I love her to death. But, her family are Jehovah Witnesses so her mom is always all up in my personal life, extremely overprotective, and trying to like change me to being perfect in every way possible. As for my friends, they all think I'm weird and talk about me behind my back. I don't know if I have a social problem from my messed up life or something. Last but not least, as a result of living with all boys, my house is absolutely disgusting. When relatives come over (wich is I can't even remember the last time) I can just see the look of disgust on there face. This makes me too embarassed to ever in a million years invite some of my (fake) friends over. Well actually, I'm also embarassed to have them over from the drunks at my house too. Not to mention if you never saw my dad, i have to admit, he would look really scary. In conclusion, my life has led me to be self-concious, bad social communication, and "weird". And like I have said before, I just don't know what to do anymore. I honestly think I'm going to crack. I can't take it anymore.

PS- just to tell you I couldn't help but cry while writing this.

So Please help me before I'm permanentley scarred. Thanks...

Answer 1

You need to talk to a responsible adult, maybe your good aunt or a school counsellor. Your Dad seems to mean well, but never seems to get around to doing it.

You should sit down with your Dad when he is sober and tell him the truth. You must tell him that you understand that he misses your Mom, and so does you, but his constant drinking is not helping at all. You must tell him that you know he wants the best for you but in order to do that he must really start focussing on you in stead of being compassionate for Andrew and Cindy and the like.

You must tell him that you are practically alive only because your aunt feeds you, and ask him why he doesn't help you out at all. Tell him you deserve a proper family. Tell him you lost your Mom already but at least you need a Dad. Tell him it is really causing you a lot of problems and it feels like you are not having a childhood at all.

He needs counselling to get over himself and get a life. Your aunt might be able to arrange that for him.

Remember that you are not responsible for your older brothers. While it is really sad that they decided to get high, it is NOT your problem. Do not take on more than you can handle.

You should focus on your studies, and try to get a job as soon as you are old enough. Then move out and find a life of your own. Try to find some responsible adult who would listen to you and understand you. You need to be strong, I know it is a lot to ask, but you should. Don't let life take you down.

My prayers and positive thoughts are with you.

Answer 2

To be frank with you, i admire how you can endure all of this. My best friend just has experienced his mom's death just a couple months ago and went up to me crying about it. I feel like you should live your life as happy as you want to be and do something about it. your brothers are stupid for taking drugs and whatnot. I feel like i shouldnt blame your dad but i will because drinkking is wrong, especially if you have 3 children. All im going to say is BE STRONG, ENDURE it as much as u can and be happy. With every bad thing comes something good.

-Ethan Ho

Answer 3

You never actually asked a question.

Answer 4

honey, i feel really really sorry for you, i know that i can't even begin to  imagine how it feels like, when such things happen at such a tender age,

i have not had any such experience, so i can't answer your question directly

in fact, i would not even have replied to your problem had i not had a traumatic experience recently, it was a when a person i took for granted, left me high and dry, when he said "i don't want to talk to you anymore"

i lost my ONLY friend, i am in a state of extreme depression since two days, but am trying to recover from it, i just pray to god to send you help fast, remember, many people have many sorrows, and yours is a very bad thing to happen, please have hope, don't cry, things will turn out right, i can't say more than that,

love

suyash

p.s. i know i havent helped you, but just take heart, we all have our sorrows

Answer 5

Whoa, my suggestion is you fight, not with your hands or physically in anyway. But study, and study hard, cause you will be able to get a scholarship and go to college and get a job and look after yourself...I know it will be hard, so I suggest you go see any smart people at your school and ask them to help you. Tell them your story and all. And promise me not to care what your friends think because at the moment you don't really have any real friends.

So study your *** off and get the h**l out of there...Leave it all behind, its the only way....

Answer 6

Be strong honey.

Just the fact that you can verbalize what's bugging you means that you have a stronger grip on things than you realize.

You will be grown soon enough, and you will be able to make your decisions and even move out on your own.

Remember though, no one promises us a good life.

It is up to us as individuals to roll with our punches.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you, your brothers, and your dad.

I absolutely admire your courage and the compassion you have for your family, and from your vivid description (you are a great writer by the way) I can see why you are so deeply worried and feel so desperate in this situation.

As others have said, there needs to be some responsible adult input here: your family and you need some adequate support and guidance, and I really hope your brothers manage to stay on the straight and narrow - as for their emotional issues, that is something else they will have to deal with in time. Your dad is suffering terribly as you see, and he needs to face his responsibilities, his behaviour is not good and he is just making things worse, he can improve with the right effort. I admire your understanding for his feelings and for not becoming hard, or playing up, but fighting to stay strong and sensible.

You come across as a fighter, and someone who is smart, fun to be with, and witty.

For some emotional understanding of yourself as a girl who has lost her mother, you should find 'Motherless Daughters', Hope Edelman, an insightful read (maybe you have come across this book, or you may choose to read it later on in your life), there are many stories here of women who have lost their mothers early on, no case will ever be just like yours, but this book is the closet I have found to really understanding this subject, and there is so much you will relate to. I have not seen any books like this for boys/men, but there will be something out there, it will probably be years before they are ready to really understand their grief and the chaos inflicted upon them. People go through their childhood, then adolescence, and then often start to learn about themselves much later on in life. I have seen men and women talk about their grief on internet forums, they need this resource because most people don't understand.

Please look after yourself, smile and laugh as much as you can, and as others have said, just work really hard on your studies, because that is really important. ~

Answer 8

:(

I really don't know what to tell you, I wish I was your friend. I can make you feel so much better :]

Talk to a counselor at school if she seems trustable..

Answer 9

u need love

nothing more

Answer 10

you need someone to talk to in person.  go see your councilor in school.  talk to someone who can help you like a priest or pastor.   can you go live with a relative.  maybe your aunt.  get away from the drugs and drunks.  

sit down and think about your mom. try to find some happy times you had with her and hang onto that memory. try to forget the hospital times. my heart goes out to you.  be brave and good luck.  may

God bless you.