My little girl is teased at school about her name! Please help me decide what to do!

Question

we are immigrants from china and her name is fu-li which i find adorable but she is teased and comes home crying. should i give her a european name? how? what name do i change it to? just for school though...

Answer 1

Just change her name for school or shorten her own name  

Answer 2

aww how sad... ya i would change her name for school.. cuz little things like that can have a huge effect on children and it may end up taking her slef confidence away.. if i were you i would sit down and talk to her about it and you guys can decide on something together.. but maybe keep it a little similar to her real name.. i cant think of anything real close but mabey julie.. or LeighAnn (dnt know how to spell it) cuz of the Li... or Lillie.. i dunno... ??

Answer 3

That's a shame.  Are they really young kids?  

If you and her feel better about using a different name for school, why not just shorten it to Li.  Then it just sounds like a shortened version/nickname of her full name, and it just sounds the same as Lee/Leigh.  

Answer 4

Its hard when kids are cruel and in elementry school its going to be the worst of it...Does she have a middle name that she can use so you dont have to completly confuse her as to changing her name to something else.

I would have a talk with the teacher too so she can get a handle on her students, id even go as far as the principal. If you wanted to break her first name up and just use Li, as in leigh, that would work too i think.  

Answer 5

If your child's name has a meaning to it or has a translation to it this might be a good way to break the ice with the other children or she could use it as her name instead. If she loves her name she should stay with it and try to explain it to educate the other bullies and this will show how smart she really is. Bullies and name callers are trying to cover up their own down falls and to keep the attention off of their own faults.

Answer 6

maybe give her a nickname ... like fu and tell her to call them names if they call her names... teach her some martial arts

Answer 7

Don't change her name because of that.

Instead, help her learn how to learn from the abuse. If you name change, people will just find other ways to bully her and know she is vulnerable because she reacts to social pressure.

Instead, help her deal with the problem of bullying. Let her understand the true meaning of her name, how beautiful it is and tell her, people make fun of it because they cannot comprehend the meaning and they are just out to get a little fun out of her.

Tell her if people make fun of it, just say "So what? I like it and there's nothing you can do to change me from looking at my name in other ways."

Answer 8

First of all, I'm sorry some stupid racist children are making fun of your daughter. That's just wrong, but kids are cruel, and they look for any reason to make fun of someone different.

In a perfect world, you wouldn't have to change her name, but I think it will make her life much easier if you did select a more American-sounding nickname that she could use just in class. Try to find something familiar or similar, so it doesn't seem weird. Maybe like Fu-Li = Julie?

Or get your little girl involved. Ask her what she might like to go by, what name she'd be comfortable with.

Best of luck!

ETA: I have a non-standard name that was always picked on and I really wish I had been given the choice to select a nickname that I could use at school just for those years that kids are too immature to deal with these things. Yeah you can still teach her to be proud of her real name and heritage, as other people have suggested--but seriously, that's not going to get the kids to stop. There's nothing wrong with using a nickname (notice I'm not saying to change the name legally). And the suggestions to report to the teacher, give the kids detention? The whole class will HATE her if you do that. Seriously, don't do that unless you want to make her the villain to her entire class.

Answer 9

Just call her Li, drop the Fu.

Answer 10

give her an American nickname and talk to her teacher about it. I'm sure the teacher will tell the other kids to stop and if they don't she can give them detention.

Answer 11

This is so sad. I'm so sorry she is being teased, I agree that it is a beautiful name.

I also agree that it is a good idea to talk to her teacher/s about it. Why not use the Beijing Olympics as a jumping off point for a little cultural exchange/ presentation? You could also tell the kids in her class about all the great things Chinese culture has given to the world, especially the stuff that little kids would find cool like fireworks, kung fu and paper.

Good luck!  

Answer 12

Give her a nickname, like maybe Li!  

Answer 13

           Its ashamed your kid has a cute name and gets bullied. I say report the kids that are doing this. Or you can talk to the school because bullying is not tolerated in the states. Maybe ask the teachers if they can have a segment on diversity. You can get a counselor, OR your daughter can tell the bullies that she should not be picked on because of race/ age/ gender/ name (worked for me I grew out of that and came back with comebacks)

Some chinese friends I have have names that sound reaally close to american names... So if your daughter's name is Fu-li... I suggest her just giving her a name that sounds similar to that. Like Julie, or Lisa

Hope it helps!

Answer 14

Aww. Poor dear. Fu-Li is a beautiful name! Try giving her a school nickname. Li or Lee-Lee is good. Tell the darling to keep her chin up and that those kids didn't know what they were talking about!!

Answer 15

hows your name jane? and her name is fu-lowy w/e lmao she shouldnt mind it cause when shes older shes gunna start appreciating it ever read the book chrasthem? i cant spell t lmao well its about a little mouse girl who loves her name then the 1st day of school she gets teased for it but at the ed of the story she starts likeing it

Answer 16

I don't think you should change her name at all. What if they find a nickname or tease her about another name, are you going to continue renaming her until people stop teasing her? That is teaching her to run away from her problems, or that the problem is with her name. The problem is NOT with her name or with her, it is with the students at school.

Teach her to be proud of her name. It is only teasing if she looks at it that way. Teach her how to stand up to bullies, not to run away from her heritage. Next time her classmates tease her about her name, have her say, "I don't like it when you call me that. My name is Chinese and I am proud of it." She can even tell them what it means in Chinese and the background of her name. If they understand that and if they see that she won't get upset over it anymore, they will stop teasing her.

If you need to, have her teacher talk to the class about Chinese heritage, make some authentic Chinese food, use it as a learning experience. The Olympics are coming up and you can use that to celebrate.

Answer 17

Please do not change her name...I am a retired teacher and I think it would be in the best interest of your child and the class for you to speak to the teacher about it.  

It may even be helpful for you to ask the teacher if you and your daughter could do a little presentation about your culture..you know maps, pictures, clothing, and maybe a treat from your country (the kids will love something interesting and sweet!)

Ask the teacher for ideas that could be shared (briefly) with the class and be positive..

I hope that this works out for you both.

Please encourage her and allow her to share with you at home, but make sure that she understands that children can in fact be mean when they don't understand something and educating them can be the answer!

Best Wishes,

Pat  

Answer 18

NO do not change her name you see BARka OBAMA he is from Africa and did not change his name and look where he is today! Almost a president of the USA

Answer 19

What does fu-li mean in Chinese?  Perhaps you could find out a meaning similar in a European Baby Name book and still stick to your roots, by keeping the meaning of her name, but giving it a European flair if she is getting picked on.  I personally find her name beautiful but I know often kids make fun of that they don't know rather than asking what it means.  Good luck.  

Answer 20

tell her to ignore it thats such a pretty name

Answer 21

My daughters friends name is hang and they used to tease her because of her name too...So her mum changed her name to Kathy...And she is much happier

Answer 22

If you think her name is adorable and dont want to change it give her a nick name instead...I honestly think fu-li is cute.

Nickname Ideas

- Gianna

- Sarah

- Charlotte

- Jane

- Fiona

Answer 23

You can call yourself what you want , dont change her name legally just go to the school and tell the teacher as from now you would like your daughter to be known as (whatever you decide) that way your daughter keeps her real name but it will stop her from being teased at school.

Answer 24

Ask her what she would rather have her name be and wait until the next school year and enroll her with that name.

Answer 25

If she likes the idea of changing it and you like the idea, there's no reason why you can't change it. Pick a name you both like, perhaps that sounds like her name, maybe Leigh? or even expand on her name, just have her say that Fu-Li is an abbreviation for Fiona Leigh or something and then she can ask them to call her that instead.

It will depend too on her surname too though, make sure the new name is a good combination. My friend at school was named Lily, her surname was Wong - which was fine, it was a pretty name, but her cousins name was Wing - which made Wing Wong - and that was a name that was constantly teased.

Answer 26

I think that name is just adorable, there is no reason she should change her name.. Kid's need to realize there are different customs in different place's. There is no reason you should change your customs just because other kid's are teasing/taunting your little girl. Although she is getting taunted/teased.. She need's to say something to them. My name is Carsen and it's a boy and girl name.. I get teased sometimes too. But it doesn't really bother me. Just let your daughter know she is fine.. And her name is fine. You cant really do anything else. If it is really bothering your daughter then you should let her pick the name she want's.

Answer 27

At my old secondary school, they have lots of children who board at the school who are from many different countries. In particular there are a handful of students who have come over from China and Japan. For the registers, students get to pick a name they like (e.g. sophie, james etc.) which is put onto the register. They have the choice of whether they wish to be called by their given name, or their 'new name'. It might be worth talking to the school about it, and her teacher. Perhaps between you, you can help sort out something to educate her classmates on how she is not different at all. I really do feel for you, Fi-li is an ADORABLE name! Make sure you keep telling her this. Best of luck, and i'm sorry.  

Answer 28

Hi There..

I remember those days, she must only be in primary school. My Name is Melissa and I used to get called mel  smells (didn't) alot of children can be very hurtful, but unless you are going to change her school then I can't see any reason why you should change her name for school, besides being from china she should be proud of the name that you have chosen for her. But saying that if she really wants to change her name it should be one that she likes..

I work with alot of asian's & chinese and they all have australian names, not sure why they do.

Answer 29

I have a colleague that immigrated from China. Her Chinese name begins with Min (cannot recall the second part), but she goes by Mindy just because it is easier to recognize and pronounce in English.

I liked the suggestion of Lilly, but maybe your daughter could help choose.  I'm assuming that this would just be considered her nick name and not be an official name change unless she chooses to change it when she gets older.

I was a classroom teacher for 11 years at a highly multi-cultural school - this wasn't a huge issue because we had many children with non-english names.  Kids will almost always find something to pick on each other about and if she feels better going by a nickname then let her - it is far less damaging to have a nickname than to be teased  endlessly while growing up.

Answer 30

in this multi cultural age you should not have to change her name. It won't matter now as the kids know her name. Honestly kids are mean, if it was not her name it would be something else. Mention it to the teacher and then help your daughter to deal with the bullies. By crying she is giving a reaction that encourages them more. Teach her to ignore (pretend they do not exist) or a "whatever" in a bored voice. But you must inform the teacher as bullying is not tolerated in most schools

Answer 31

i don't think you should change your daughter's name.

i moved to germany from korea, and from 1-3 grade i was teased about the way i looked asian, however the kids got to know me and i became pretty popular. the tension decreased over the months, so by the beginning of 3rd grade i had many friends!

my friends joke over my name a little, too, since it is quite unique.

this is not bullying, however it's still annoying. instead of changing my name, though, i stick to it with pride and let them know i don t care what they think. they now have a new respect for me.

the most important thing you can do is to be there for your daughter and encourage her to be proud of herself and her heritage.