My maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids are bumping heads...?

Question

My sister is my MOH and shes trying to plan all these awesome things to do for me..well some of the girls in my bridal party are s******g things up. I had my bridal shower and one showed up and left early because she had to go out to the bar that night. I am not much of a bar girl and she is..But she got mad that i didn't want to go with her so she left my shower early.. I feel like thats really rude. THEN my MOH is planning my bachelorette party and that same bridesmaid is trying to cut in..my sister and i are organized people so she wants to kind of make and itenerary for the weekend since it will be out of town. And i am totally okay with that, but that ONE bm keeps centering it around her and thinks that if SHE has to pay for it shes going to go where she wants.. i agree in a sense..but she wants to stay near all the clubs and not do what my sister wants. I'm getting pissed.. everytime i get together with my girls she leaves early to go to the BAR! shouldn't she be helping more? my sister is getting so mad and doesn't know how to handle it, and i dont want MY time to be ruined because of her.. what can my sister say to her.

the thing is...NO ONe in the wedding party likes her..

Answer 1

think you should have your sister and her work out the problems.  Its just a wedding, not trying launch a space shuttle!!!!

If nobody in the wedding party likes her, then you made a huge mistake including her.  You probably will lose a friend over this but if you want a quiet wedding ceremony and party, you might have to ask her to back out of the bridal party, but be prepared to re-imburse her for her dress..../

Answer 2

This is your choice: either continue accepting her the way she is or cut her out of the wedding party and risk losing a long term friendship.

I think you should sit down with her instead of your sister. She's your friend and while your sister is taking a lot of her heat, the two of you talking to her together might seem too confrontational.

And say exactly what you were thinking, "Molly, if you aren't so into the planning of things, that's okay. I guess it's possible when you accepted being a bridesmaid, you figured it was more about the actual day than all the stuff before hand. It's cool. I guess what I'd like is, if you don't want to attend all the formalities beforehand, you don't have to of course, but if you didn't plan and do attend, it would be very cool if you went with the flow and didn't complain about it."

Then let her speak. There may be some other issue you weren't aware of.

I think that will open up the discussion of whether or not she wants to be a bridesmaid. If she can exit gracefully you can save both your friendship and your sanity, which is the best scenario, otherwise if she chooses to stay then things will almost certainly improve in her demeanor and attitude.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Wow, I would just come out and tell her in a nice way: "sorry if I hurt your feelings, but you have to either strighten up and follow our rules/plans, or drop out or be put out of the wedding party!"  

Answer 4

Well first of all, your sister should not ay anything, it's your wedding, you should be the one to confront her. Sit her down, talk to her, you chose her as a bm for some reason, so appeal to her better nature. Tell her the truth, that your sister is in charge of planning these things for you, she needs to play along. Tell her that her own bachelorette party can be however she wants it, this is your time, so she needs to respect that. I know how you feel, I had a bm show up late or not show at all for everything. She was even late for the rehearsal!  

Answer 5

what you are asking is right on the money to what i am going through thanks for asking this question cant wait to read alla the answers

Answer 6

I would remove her from your bridal party. This is your day and celebration with your family and people who care about you and this girl has shown you that she is more concerned with partying then being present and supportive in preparation for your wedding. Your sister can tell her that there is just too much conflict and it is making you all uncomfortable and she is no longer needed as part of the wedding party.(Why did you ask her to be in the wedding party in the first place?)i wouldn't try and fix it or sugarcoat it, just be clear and direct and then move on to enjoying your events! One person CAN cast a shadow on a large event.Don't let that happen to you.  

Answer 7

Wow, I guess there is one in every wedding?

It's up to you- sit her down and talk to the B first and then decide.  I personally went through the same thing but the girl in my wedding was planning her own wedding- so she had to leave everything all the time for her wedding.  She keep picking lesser things for my shower so her's would be better.  She refused to do anything for my shower except bring ice which she was stealing from the school she worked for... Oh, I could write a book.  Any who, I just got so fed up and digusted with her- I kicked her out.  Best thing I could EVER do, yeah we are not friends- but why would I want to be friends with a person like that?  Replace her with a cousin or someone else who fits her dress- and just give her the money for it.  

Also don't worry- Karam is a B!  My ex maid- invite 280 people to her wedding and 45 showed..... 7 people came to her shower.... and after her demands and carrying on at her wedding- she now has no friends.  None of her bridesmaids are even speaking to her.

Honey- I just saw your add on.

Sometimes we just outgrow people and we have to let go.  My ex bridesmaid was my BEST friend for almost 20 years.  You don't "have" to do anything- you don't have to be friends with someone just because you have been for a long time.  If someone is changing and she is becoming this bar hoe- how much longer do you really think you going to be friends with this person?  Plus sounds like she is going to get TRASHED at your wedding too.  I know it's easier said then done and it hurts but do you really see yourself friends with this person 3 years from now?  How about when your pregant and really can't go to the bar or do what she wants?  She already expressed what important to her- and it's not you.  Think about it and if you still want her in- you need to sit down with her and lay out some rules.

Answer 8

I agree with what has been said...

I would talk to her first.  See if there is any common ground, and if she is even open to helping you in a way that you, the Bride, would like.  If it's going nowhere, you might have to cut her loose.

But you'd basically be cutting the friendship off too.  Just something to think about.  Good luck.

Answer 9

Time to correct a mistake.  This person is not really a friend and she seems to be more than a little jealous and wanting to make herself the center of attention by causing drama and trauma.  She does too much hanging at the bar for my tastes.  You can do with less headaches and less brides maids.  Time to cut this one loose.

Answer 10

People contribute to their ability and desire. It seems that she might have accepted the bridesmaid offer to continue your close friendship, but thought she would be part of the planning. You should have a one on one conversation with her and ask her opinions and feelings, such as saying how much you appreciate her willingness to step up and provide support. Tell her that based on the group of people who will attend the bridal shower, the venue and event you like the most is ....x. And then ask her if she would support this choice. If she is inclined to not support it, then you can give her an option to opt-out of that party and do her own party separately, or see if she is having 2nd thoughts about the difficulties of being a bridesmaid and all that goes with it. Make an effort to see things her way and salvage the relationships for a positive outcome for all.

Answer 11

Everyone is forgetting that this is all about you.  Since people are not getting along, I suggest you step up and start being a little demanding.  And simply things.  Remember the days when a bachelorette party was just that- a party, not an entire weekend away with itineraries and BS.  You just complicate it that way and force people who obviously don't like each other to be together longer than they need to be. Spend the money you save by doing something simpler on gifts for your BMs.  Yes they are being all selfish people. This is exactly why I think BMs are stupid in my opinion. I mean having them at all, what do they DO anyway?  I just had a MOH and I had a huge wedding and I didn't have to deal with all of this stupid c**p.  BTW Congratulations.