My mate is so selfish ...?

Question

i love her to bits and dont want to say anything but shes driving me nuts! she wants to see me all the time, she asks to borrow money and 'forgets' to give it back, she makes a big mess in my flat and tells me i can clean it up later, she moans at me and tells me im a bad friend if i cant see her or run out of money etc, she makes me do things like bloody shaving her legs and passing her things all the time im sick of being walked all over. she doesnt even realise what shes doing is wrong shes a bit mental.what do you say to people like this? other than this shes always been there for me and supports me when im down stuff like that so i still value our friendship.please help what to do? thanks

Answer 1

You have to value yourself over an above her, bad behaviour is bad behaviour, it is unacceptable, time to take a deep breathe and tell her it offends you and you don't want her to do it again.

Repeat bad behaviour should be regarded as a blatant disregard of you as a person with feelings and wishes/needs of your own, you should them seriously.

Whether she is indeed a friend or whether you are simply intimidated by someone who shouts louder and longer to get their way. Either way you need to have respect for yourself and in doing so ask of this from her or move on . Friendship cuts both ways and an imbalance of power is not a good basis for a good friendship.

There is a word that you need to get used to saying and it is NO. Practice it until it is as easy as saying yes, being a people pleaser is a sure road to unhappiness.  If she is serious about wanting to remain your friend then she will adapt . If not then be prepared to loose your 'Friend'  then think yourself lucky.  

There are wonderful happy, easy people to be with in life who add more by their very being. Perhaps too this is a time to make new friends in your life then you will not feel so dependent on this one badly behaved one.  

Answer 2

She sounds like a user to me and has no respect at all for you.

I think the best thing you can do is start being more firm and not let her walk over you like this, make her realise that this isnt on and your not a door mat.

A real friend wouldnt treat you like this, change your attitude and see if she changes her tune, if she shoots through then she wasnt ever a real friend.

Answer 3

You need to let your friend know what she's doing, and that you disagree with it. Maybe she doesn't realise it's getting on your nerves. It sounds like she's taking advantage of you. Maybe you did things for her a couple of times, so she thought 'oh i could get used to this' sort of thing, and has continued doing it.

If you don't say something, she's going to carry on doing it. Next time she does something like it, for example asking you to pass her something, pretend you didn't hear. I know it's mean, but your going to end up being her personal slave.

Let her know that your not her beautition next time she asks you to shave her legs, and just don't invite her back to your flat if she keeps making a mess. Say to her 'you made the mess, you clear it up.'

If you let her know your fed up, and miserable, she's bound to stop soon.

Hope i've helped.

By the way, even if she has been there for you in the past, she's not really being a good friend by walking all over you and taking advantage is she?