My messy husband?

Question

My husband is terrible..he works yes...but so do I ...I look after two kids under 4nad work from home and do ALL the housework in addition. I dont mind my situation at all and think I am lucky to be able to work from home. BUT..thanks to his Mother who spoilt his whole family by cleaning up after them all the time, he thinks it is acceptable to dump plates with leftovers still on them beside the sink. I have asked and asked for him to scrape the food off and even sometimes run the plat under the hot tap...but he WONT! HE "forgets" or "was going to get around to it" he leaves clothes and shoes on the floor when he comes in and then gets annoyed when I move them. I have tried everything! I have sat him down and explained that it is a dirty habit and that I should not have to scrape his plates...I have shouted,nageed, ignored him and STILL he wont do what I ask. If I bring it up then he just critisizes my housekeeping! he says, "well you wont keep the cupboards tidy"....sorry but a slight

Answer 1

lol, strange as it may sound, i know exactly how you feel, i am 16 an really OCD, so my room is always clean, but i have an incredibly messy 8-year-old sister. my mother is reasonably clea, but leaves a lot of things like clothes and towels all over the bathroom floor. it has been driving me crazy, and they know it, and just wait until they feel like picking it up, or i cave in and do it for them. eventually, i started living at my friends house, stopping home every four days or so for a few hours. i immediately take all of my sisters stuff and put it on her bed. this is where she has to deal with it. either she outs it on the floor, and gets in trouble, spreads it back around, which takes longer than just, option c: putting it away. same thing with my mothers clothes, whicheither all go on her bed, where she has to sort them herself, or put them in the dirty laundry basket, giving her more laundry to do, and a greater risk of washing small objects accidentally left in her pockets. over the past few weeks, things have definitely gotten better. as for dishes, i would suggest only washing dishes for yourself and children before every meal, making your husband wash his own dishes, or starve. with his shoes and clothes by the door, put a shoe rack and/or a hamper or shelves near the door, so he really doesnt have to put them away persay, but will get into the habit of putting things away neatly. as for the cupboards, make a statement, clean them, if only for a little while, that will be one less thing for him to complain about and use as an excuse and a distraction. as terrible as it sounds, do things the same way you would train a dog... reward a good week (without actually mentioning the clean house as a reason in particular), with a night at a resturaunt or a movie. when the house is dirty, and his things are not taken care of, don't do anything until everything is in order. i really hope this helps, as i am obsessive compulsive, and know what it's like to be driven crazy by lack of order...

Answer 2

stop complaining at least he provides your cleaning c**p i believe  you you silly cow mooooooooo strange i saw u earlier on the farm im sure u was the cow you mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... and a moo

Answer 3

listen you need to stop cleaning up around him and leave the housework for a week or more then he will get the hint when your house slowly starts turning into a hovel,then he will start the tidy up process and will get the hint .

Answer 4

At the end of the day, collect all of his dirt (dishes, washing etc.) and dump it on his side of the bed. (Make sure you left no mess around or this could backfire). He will then have to put it away before he goes to sleep, and after a few days of this he'll start to pick up after himself!

(And if he refuses to clear it and goes to sleep in a spare room, just take it off the bed and put it back on in the morning and add that day's additions at the end of the day!)

Cruel to be kind, hey!!!

('',)

Answer 5

I have been with my husband 20 years and he is now 90% housetrained :)

He was similar to yours (perhaps it's a man thing?) and these are two of the measures I resorted to to get my point across.

1) The Black Bag

I had a black bin bag and everytime he left clothes/boots/books lying around I put them in the bag.  The bag was then dumped by the front door on bin day - left open enough for him to see what was in it - and I said as he was leaving for work  'could you put all that rubbish out for me?'

2) The Sticky Labels

I got a pad of those 'stick-it' coloured label thingies (the arrow shaped ones) and wrote 'Craig's c**p' or 'Craig's mess' etc on them and stuck them anywhere and everywhere he has left stuff.  Kind of childish but hey - it worked!

Answer 6

Leave everything the way it is for a week. It's going to be hard...Maybe he will get the message then when everything really starts piling up and he doesn't have any plates to eat on or clean clothes to wear.

If it's difficult fake the flu and stay in bed or go away for a weekend/holiday!

Answer 7

Girl, you need a serious break and some rest. As old fashioned it might seem my suggestions are going to be different. Please don't get offended but take it from someone who once was a perfectionist but has now set up different priorities and loads of peace. Take a different perspective. Just because someone is a little spoilt and doesn't pick up after themselves they are not "terrible." Yes, it is hard  but did you consider what your priorities are ? a clean house, a ll clean dishes, clean laundry.. come on this is real life and it is not possible all the time. I am a stay at home mom too and I have hired people to help me clean. Nagging the husband only caused pain to both of us and also lost peace. Now we don't ahve a perfect house but very good relationship. Also constantly referin to his mother will bring only more hurt, and indignation and did you think of your own relationship with yorMIL? I have learnt the hard way we give waht we recieve. and receive only what we give. Try overlooking your husband's "sins", don't have to smile but you can sure do it as if you are doing a nice thing for another human being. if you sow seeds of nagging, shoutimg, criticizing you'll reap the same. Don't be too hard on yourself either. Maybe you feel not aprreciated or even loved just imagine if you 'd be happier without him. Try meditstion, prayer, church and laughing. I know it works. All the best

Answer 8

I hear you hun, i have the same problem, my husband is so messy and it drives me up the wall that he doesnt bother to help out he would leave ties, shoes, socks all over the floor and dishes undone knowing i have to chase after the kids he doesnt even bother to give me a hand! My mother in law did the same spoilt him rotten and did everything for him so he wouldnt know how to clean is butt without help!

What i did was like someone said, give him a dose of his own medicine, go on strike, make him get off his lazy butt and deal with what you have to deal with, you both work i presume so there is no excuse for him to say your home all day. I would come home not cook him dinner let him do it himself.

How old are your kids? As what i did was i came home didnt do the housework didnt make him dinner left the house untidy dishes everywhere and basically said "Sod you" i came home got dressed left the kids with him and walked out came back on a few occasions to see the kids driving him mad then when he couldnt take it he started to get off his butt and help out he realised he was taking me for granted and started to help I also threatened if he didnt help out i would get a maid which will come out of his budget!

If he critizes you then say do it yourself, if you think i cant do it right then do it yourself, i wouldnt let him speak to you like that, he is taking you for granted and a marriage is a partner ship he shouldnt expect the woman to crawl hand and foot to please him, its time he needs a wake up call and i think by going on strike and not cleaning up after him is the way to go, he will soon get annoyed at the dirt.

It worked for me, I hope it will for you. Let me know how it goes. :)

Answer 9

The main problem is that you are treating him like a child. You have 'sat him down and explained to him' you have even pointed out that it is a dirty habit which obviously only being a fully grown man he doesn't know without being told. The way I see it is the more you 'nag' 'explain' and 'shout' the less likely he is to bother. I have the same thing at times from my girlfriend and if she says in a polite way 'When you have a few minutes could you wash the dishes?' I will do it. If I get moaned at then I will probably move to another room and ignore her. Sometimes guys have faults, as do women. It doesn't mean that treating us like children will get to us psychologically. It will just get on our nerves. Next time he leaves a plate politely point it out if you feel the need to and then leave it there. He must know that it's there and will either have to move it sometime or deal with a plate of rotting food at a later point. It's not your responsibility to clean up after him but it also isn't your responsibility to nag him or complain after you do it.

Answer 10

you know what I HAVE KIDS TOO but the only way your going to make him understand is to make HIM deal with it. STOP CLEANING lol after about 1-7 days you house will look like a hurricane came threw it lol but he WILL notice DO WHAT HE DOES. SHOW HIM how it feels. explain to him you work and SO DO I, and beause I WORK from doesnt mean anything different because i work from home i actually save us money on daycare so technically you have THREE jobs, your job....your kids...and cleaning. but you expect HELP with the cleaning, and if he cant do something as little as cleaning his plate into the trash....THEN YOUR NOT CLEANING EITHER. and with the money you save in the family income by working from home you will just use to HIRE a cleaning person! since he can simply NOT help in a small area like scraping his own plate into the trash or putting his dirtys into the laundry... THIS DID work with my husband.... infact now he does ALL the laundry. lol he actually relized what i was going threw with 2 kids and working and cleaning and cooking and homework!

Answer 11

Holy cow! That would drive me up the wall.

Have you try letting all the dirty dishes pile up until you have no plates left and see what he would do?

It would drive any normal person crazy but that's what I can come up with.

He needs to realize that you do a lot for the family...

If there's no clean socks or plates maybe he'll start to do something about it.... maybe start helping!!!!! and of course appreciate you more and be grateful that you do a lot for him.