My middle child is driving me crazy?

Question

All three of my kids are girls ages 8, 6, and 18 months. My middle one seems like she misbehaves more, tears stuff up, deliberately talks loud when the baby is sleeping. She even bit the baby's fingers and when I asked her about it, she said she didn't bite hard. She obviously bit hard enough to make the baby cry. The other night she started crying loudly and asked if she could sleep in my room. I told her no, because the baby sleeps in my room and I have to tend to the baby. Of course the baby woke up, and I had to console her back to sleep, but the baby wouldn't go back to sleep because my middle child kept crying. I love her, but she is hard to love and most of the time I get frustrated with her. She tries my patience. And I am also a single mom and get little help from their dad. Any advice on how to get my middle child to behave better? Thanks

Answer 1

I recently heard that the black sheep of a family - in this case your middle child - is the most sensitive person in the family.  The one that senses things more deeply than the rest.  I dont know that she's really jealous.  That sounds selfish and like something an adult could think through.  Maybe she is.  I think perhaps she needs to know her new place in this new world of hers.  My child begged for her younger sibling for several years and yet from time to time she still wonders why he gets perks for going potty and she does not.  I explain over and over again very gently that she is much older and she gets perks for good grades, for learning how to tie her shoes, for doing her chores.  And one day he will graduate to those perks and she will graduate to being able to drive and date and go on trips, etc.  

I do not like the idea of waiting for her to behave badly to give her quality time alone.  I like the idea of that quality time being a GIVEN.  Each week my husband leaves the house with the toddler and my oldest and I spend time together practicing for her spelling test the next day and once that is done maybe watching a movie or talking or reading or painting our nails. 

There's also a new role for your oldest I think ... maybe she can help ease some of the struggle in the middle child by showing empathy and maybe sharing some things she has experienced as the middle's older sibling. 

I am a middle child.  And I was once told by my parent that I was difficult to love.  I understand now as an adult that what she meant was she loved me but didn't like my behaviour at the time.  But watch what you say my friend.  It still aches to think "I am hard to love?" 

It is hard having two and with a loving husband to help.  It must be darn near impossible somedays with a baby and two older kids.  I hope you have family or friends who can help you.  Someone to get the baby for an hour while you dedicate some time to one on one with your older two.  You need that.  And so do they.

It is that sensitive middle child that will hold your hand as you lay dying one day.  Be honest with her and tell her how scared and tired and frustrated you sometimes feel and give her a chance to share how she feels too and let her hear you acknowledge her feelings and come up with a solution together.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised!   I know I have been.