My military bf proposed to me, but is deploying in five months for a year and wants to marry now.Any advice?

Question

My military boyfriend proposed to me. He bought me a a ring, is asking my parents for permission and has already figured out our financial, family, legal issues that have to deal with the marriage. He also found me a group to support me during his deployment. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this.

Answer 1

It happened to me 16 years ago during the first Gulf War, and for me it was a huge mistake... for me.  Young love is a crazy, powerful, intoxicating thing.  We women are often eager to grow up, set up our own homes, and raise families.

Married or not, he's going away for a year.  Hate to say this but I think he's afraid of losing you, and marriage vows will ease his mind.  He'll feel more secure knowing that you're his wife while he's away. He's not sure you'll stick around, and the fact that you're here asking strangers for opinions means you're not sure either.  If the love is real,  why not get married when he gets back?  If you're still crazy about him when he gets home, get married.  If the feelings fade, you can rebuild the relationship, or walk away.

Answer 2

Just to let you know it will be very very very difficult.  Lots of young girls marry military guys, and then the guy is gone for almost a year.  If you are attractive, you could easily get lonely, go to the bar and hook up with some stud.  This probably happens to 70% of girls married to military guys, no joke.  

Then you have to deal with the guilt because your man is in a warzone, while you are hooking up with studs.  The news would devastate your husband, who is already under tons of stress.

Unless you can honestly handle the military life (which is harder for you than the guy - the guy is constantly doing his job, you have to sit and wait being lonely and concerned for his safety)

I am not knocking military people that are married, but you have to be very realistic.  You might only see him for 3 months a year - just know that.  In some ways, the guy might be better off single being in the military, much much much less stress for him in the long run.  Just date for now till he is out, honestly!

  

Answer 3

If you love him do it.  The group to support you is called the FRG; family support group.  Some are good and some are a waste of time, it depends on his unit.  There are plenty of wives that have went through deployment and its not easy.  I have and about to do it again.  My husband leaves in Dec for 1 yr. They say do everything you want to do before you leave because you never know if you will return to do it.  I'm sure you would make him deployment a lot easier if you said yes.  Do what you feel.  I love being married to a military man cause when they get home after a week in the field or a year deployed the s*x is great!  Deployment isn't as bad as it use to.  You'll get to hear from him a lot I'm sure.  If you love him say yes.  If your unsure don't do it.

Answer 4

Don't do it. Wait until he gets home. What sence does it make to get married and then be separated for a year. Write him all the time and send him things but don't let him talk you into doing anything you don't want to do. It's your life to. Sorry if I sound uncaring to our wonderful men in fthe service,but USE YOU HEAD.  

Answer 5

If you love him do it.

Answer 6

why would you say that?  to the person above me!!  that was one of the most insensitive answers ever...  to the question, I think you should do it, if you love him follow your heart. yes being a military wife will be hard but love will keep you guys alive... all I gotta say is support him in all that he does, he will need it!  

Answer 7

just do wat ur heart tells u no one can make this decision, but u! gl :)

Answer 8

You have to ask yourself whether or not you'd marry him if you were in normal circumstances.  If the answer is yes, then I'd go ahead and do it if the 2 of you are old enough to be mature about it.  Deployment will be rough - no 2 ways about it.  Be sure he doesn't just want to rush to marry for the marriage benefits while he's deployed.  He gets paid more if he's married and you'll find that often soldiers marry quickly to get those benefits.  But that doesn't mean it's wrong or that you two shouldn't go ahead with it.  I mean, h**l if you were going to end up at the alter anyway, then in my mind, it's ok to go ahead and get married.  One reason I can see it being a benefit is that if anything happens to him while he's over there, you'll be in a better position to find out information & be treated respectfully by the military.  My husband was in the military before we met.  It was always my biggest fear that something would happen to him and I would not be able to get access to him or get information on him because I was just "the girlfriend."  When you're the wife, you have the legal status behind you and you may be treated differently.  I mean, even hospitals make that distinction....in certain cases, only "family" can visit....that doesn't include girlfriends.  See what I mean?  

Answer 9

just pray he dont die and you become a widow.

Answer 10

Well he is hoping for some xtra support & security while deployed no doubt and that is understandable but I would be a little reluctant to actually tie the knot just yet. Who know how long he'll be away and that is NO WAY for you to live and no marriage.  I would personally tell him you would LOVE to marry him and you'll be more than happy to be engaged NOW and be here to support and stay in touch and so forth - but you feel it would be best if you WAITED til he is here and around for a while before you do the actual MARRIAGE thing.    Harsh I know it might sound - but I think it's the most healthy, honest, realistic choice here for you both in the long run.  IF this relationship is meant to be then it will STILL BE when he returns.  UNTIL then you can have a LIFE still - as you should until such time as he is HERE to act like an actual husband to you.  If he truly loves you he will understand as well.  JUST my opinion.

Answer 11

My advice -- wait.  Don't marry him because he is deploying.  When he gets back, you'll have plenty of time.  

Answer 12

How long have you known this guy?  Is this a whirlwind romance?

Otherwise he sounds like a good guy, respectful towards your parents, aware of the issues, etc.

Is he moving too fast for you?  This could be a sign of someone who may also have some control issues.