My mom and I haven't spoken in over a year?

Question

I'm getting married next March, and my mother and I haven't spoken in over a year... She has been on meth off and on my entire life, my dad raised us... she hasn't really ever been part of my life, the last time we spoke she was so high she didn't even recognize me. I quit speaking to her because every time we would speak, she would always ask me for money, and I"m sorry i'm a full time student.and i hold down a full time job. I don't exactly have money to spare. I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but i don't have to live with her habit either. But, here is the question, my fiance, says that i should invite her to the wedding because she is my mother, but honestly, i am afraid that she will embarrass me on our special day. and i'm not even sure where to begin to find her to even tell her that i am getting married. what do y'all think? should i take a chance? and invite her, or should i just leave well enough alone. CJ has seen how she is, so he knows what she is like, but he still thinks that she should be there, i am the oldest daughter after all. plz give me some advice... I'm torn on this issue.

Answer 1

If you think she will embarass you, even if she doesn't you'll be nervous all day and night thinking that she will. It's your call but honestly if she's not clean, you stand the chance of having that day ruined forever and it's one you can't get back.

Answer 2

It's time to speak to mom..

before it's too late.. I'm tearing as I write this.. tomb stone don't talk back that's why.. please talk to mom..

Answer 3

I think that maybe you should talk to her. Somehow try to get in touch so you can talk to her, tell her that you are getting married but because of her past you aren't sure if you should invite her. See what she says, if she really wants to come and she promises that she will not cause a scene then invite her. If she is high and can't talk to you and doesn't know who you are and is being her good ol self then its too bad, you gave her a chance to come and she messed up! Good luck! OH! And before I sign off I give you major props for having such a messed up mother and turning out so great!! School, holding down a job, getting your family together.... you will turn out so much better than your mom did. You have learned from her mistakes and grown instead of letting them pull you down. I applaud you!! Congrats on the wedding and I hope for you to have the BEST of luck!

Answer 4

I think that there may come a time when you want to see your mother again, but I don't know that your wedding day is the day to do it. You will have enough on your plate that day. I think it's great that CJ supports you, but you don't have to do everything at one time. Get married, get your married life organized, and then, IF YOU ARE READY, begin looking for your mom.  

Answer 5

It is your wedding and you should invite whoever you want to.  Your future hubby should understand either way you pick.

Answer 6

if it was me i wouldnt invite her.

Answer 7

My mother is similar to yours, minus the meth. She's pretty much just a total deadbeat. I wanted her at my wedding so badly, but opted to not invite her because I knew that she would ruin our day one way or another.

I think that you should let it go. You need to focus on the people that have been there for you... your dad, your sisters etc. It is a big day for you, but it is just another day that your mother probably won't remember anyways.  :(

Answer 8

Unless You know she's clean I wouldn't do it. Her mind is not her own as long as she's on drugs. As much as she loves you I'm sure the drugs won't let her see right and will probably cause you to spend more time worried about what she will do than what you should be focused on You and your soon to be husband begining your lives together.

God bless you and Good luck

Answer 9

  Your Mother is your Mother no matter what she does. I would try to find her, and see how she is, if she is trying to get better or is off the meth., then you will know what to do.  

Everyone deserves a second chance, and we need to provide that for them.  If you do let her come, maybe you can link her up with someone you trust, to kind a watch over her, if that makes you feel better.  Good Luck

Answer 10

Well of course you'd be taking the higher road in inviting your mom to this special day, but like you said she could "embarass" you, your husband, but mainly herself down the road.  You could take a chance in that she'd not accept your invitation.  But honestly if your mother has treated you like that in your past, I think the two of you need some more time and maybe get some help to get over these things before she comes to an important event of yours w/o trying to mend things.  So if you still have some time before your wedding, you could try to seek professional  help for the two of you, if not, then I wouldn't invite her, it honestly sounds like she wouldn't be hurt by it.