My mom beat me when i was child, how to get over it? please answer..?

Question

i'm single child and mom raised me alone(my dad left us when i was 3months) it was hard for her i know but she had beat me a lot of time,she would kick me out of the house knowing that i have nowhere to go and i would sit there on front of the door with hours(even winter)

and if she did let me in beating was there,she had beat me once when i was six because i took a toy of our neighbor's kid i remember i was sitting in a corner and she would hit me with foot so bad that i was running out of breath...i'm 21 now and i'm married+pregnant but it's almost a month that i have regularly the nightmare how my mom beats me they are so vivid and i feel the pain while sleeping i wake up crying,do i need a psychotherapy? i leave in Boston my mom is in LA but last week i didn't feel like even calling her and she wonders why?..how can i get over this please help...

thanks

Answer 1

yes you need conciling so you dont lose it with your baby and so you can deal with it all better

Answer 2

This is a terrible story, but right now the problem is your mother.  If she is still like that, you need to tell her you are having to go to couseling and she needs to seek help herself as well.  Tell her you will may or may not get in touch with her, depending on what your counselor will say.  If she isn't like that, tell her that you need space right now and why, tell her you know she isn't like that anymore, but you need wisdom from someone else outside the family and again, etc about the future.  You would not want your children around such a person, no matter what the circumstances are, until you are self assured that she can be trusted alone with you babies.  As for your dreaming, try sleeping on your other side (it helps me) when I am having nightmares and try to think of good things, do not have any sugar products before bedding.  Good luck and God Bless.  

Answer 3

Yeah best way to deal with the psychologist to help you with your problem. my mom used to beat me to when I was young but not that serious about what u said here..slap and hit me the we were ok again after the day. When I grew up i discussed those things to her and that embarassed her when iam reminding her and she would just change the topic. my mom is a lot lot way better now. I guess also you should talk to your mom someday about your burden. It will lessen your worries and soon u may just forget what just happened before..

I hope this helped. Have a nice day =)

Answer 4

my mum had a very abuse and mean mum. now my mum has been a very good mum to us but she has had her problems. when my siblings and i were younger she would sometimes "hit" (well, it never hurt but it was the action that counted) us and later on she would be very unfair. she realised what she was doing was wrong and it came from her own mum being horrible to her (kind of like your mum) and she went and got some counselling. in the last few years she has become the best mum. she's even said she's sorry for what she did to us, but we all knew why she was doing it and forgave her ages ago.

so even if you do know it's wrong you might still have some of that behaviour in you and you need to discuss it with someone.  

Answer 5

I'm sorry to here. I too had a had life. I to held onto resentment.

But now I have to try to move on and if tried to put it to the back of mind. One thing someone has said too me maybe there was a reason for what happen and you need to ask that person/people who made you life sad why they did it.

Seek provisional help.

Another thing that has made me feel better is that there is always someone worst off. Eg children being rape and murder by family/ parents.

Think of happy times and try to forget the past.

We can not change the past - just learn from. We can not predict the future only try to make the best of now for a better future.

Answer 6

Why is this in the pregnancy section?? Seriously!!

Answer 7

you may need to see some one about that and I'm guessing yal r ok now? but watch ur child around her ur prolly having these dreams as a result of being preg ur about to be a mom so ur prolly afraid of how ur gonna act maybe something along those line  

Answer 8

Realli easy

Two Ways:

A. Report her to police or crime stoppers

cause child abuse is illegal

B. give her a taste of her own medicine!

Answer 9

well...I think you need a psychotherapy.

cause that's really hard to forget!

you'll never forget it! but you can lead with that and with your mom!

but I thik your mom needs a psychotherapy too!

not kiding! and it's not a offence!

cause who beat a son like she did...she has a lot of probs!

but that is NOT a reason!!

and I think you should ask to your wife to tell if you someday you traet your child as your mom treated you! cause that's probably to happen without you know it!!

so... I hope I helped you!!

Answer 10

These are sad memories for you.Being as you are pregnant, and anticipating motherhood, these feelings and fears are stirring within you.

Seeing as your life is disrupted by these memories and nightmares, you are right, there is reason for you to address these through Counseling/Therapy.  You need healing in your own life so you can move past this for yourself and become the best parent you can be.

You will find that in working individually with a Counselor / Therapist / Psychologist that there will be difficult and emotional moments when you speak of your memories.  Let me say, that when a secret is shared and spoken of that it loses its power over you, cutting its strength by half.

As you progress through your therapy it may be suggested that you join a therapy-group, where other women with similar difficulties will share their struggles confidencially.

Your symptoms sound much like PTSD/Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.   While the memories will always be with you, you can progress to where the memories fade and lose their power.

In Counseling/Therapy you can also learn personal stress techniques so that you can parent without so much distress.

A wonderful resource to you, is an organization called MOPS / Mothers Of PreSchoolers.  These group meetings for moms and kids are held in churches.  There is food, crafts, talks, meeting other moms, and lots of laughter - a great place to find friends who have the same struggles as you.

Answer 11

you obviously need closure on this subject but i dont believe you need psychotherapy...the best thing you can do is learn from the previous mistakes made by your mother im sure she didnt mean what happen but lets face it it did happen and im sorry to hear...but you need to give your child better and teach them better that way they dont have to go threw what you had to endure. maybe you should speak with your mom and try to get that closure but if for some reason it doesnt work out at least you tried and from there you can look into other possible ways of relieving yourself. again im sorry and good luck

Answer 12

Seeing that you are pregnant your dreams are more vivid and with such a traumatizing childhood you are working out your fears in your dreams. I would suggest talking to your doctor about seeing someone to talk to. OR you could  talk things out with a friend or your husand.

I am sure that the pregnancy has brought on a lot of these fears and worries and the best way to deal is to express the emotions you are feeling.

Your dreams are telling you something, so talk it out and when you are ready to forgive your mom you can. There is no excuse for what she did but no one taught her how to be a single mom either. I would also talk with her but first talk to your doctor and go from there.

Best wishes

Answer 13

Just give your kid better than you have.

And strive to do that.

  Be better than what your mom was.

Just because things are going to shat, your kid shouldn't have to bear the brunt of it. Dosent matter how hard things are.

  

Although it was a horrible thing you have to learn to forgive her for it all.  Maybe that would help a little?

It takes time to work through things like this. Only you know if you need therapy. If it interferes with your every day life then I suggest you do. Obviously its weighing on your mind so maybe you need to tell somebody about it other than us faceless and nameless words on your computer.

Maybe you should tell your MOM how you feel and whats going on in your life because of it.

Letting out things helps a lot. I've found out.

Hope you figure everything out, and take the first part of my answer to heart.

Answer 14

you do need to see someone and you need to confront your mom she owes you an apology and explanation also talk with your husband about this  but if you are worried that you will not be a  good mom don't because you have a good heart and you know what she did was wrong you will be a much better mom

Answer 15

my mom hurt me too, just not physically. she lied and did drugs. (I'm not going to go into details)  and just wasn't there for me. i stopped talking to her all together christmas 05. she trys to call me all the time. but i cant forgive her. I'm also pregnant and she wants so badly to be apart of my baby's life. h**l no. i feel like she doesn't deserve any of it. i don't blame you. i will never be the kind of mother she was, and either will you. you don't need therapy. move on with your new family. give your baby a happy healthy life.  

Answer 16

Just try not think about it, imagine if it all was a dream...

Answer 17

Therapy! My alcohlic mom kicked me out when I was 4 mo prego! Then she came into my life after I had the baby and assaulted me and tried taking my baby. She's crazy and abusive. Now I have a restraining order against my parents. My dad because he lets her abuse me. I tried asking him to help and he ignored me. Trust me you need a support system. I am learning that in therapy and its helped me become a better mom. You need to get help for yourself, your child, and your bf. Not only will the abuse effect you, but your life. You need to learn to get over it. I know its hard. Sometimes I walk in my apt and am afraid my mom will break in and hurt me. Therapy can really help. I have been going for a month and feel happier. I love life now.

Answer 18

get some help talk to someone bout it... you cant do this on your own all the time... good luck

Answer 19

it sounds like me and my mother relatioship. My mom had me young and many times i felt like she blame me that her life didnt turn how she wanted to be. She would come home from work upset and take her anger on me. She would beat with whatever would come to hand she even pulled a knife on me a few times. I never really got over it. It caused me to be really depressed growing up and now as well. I was always told that I am stupid, dumb, ugly,fat, no good by my own mother so I kinda started believing that and its hard to shut that off.  Its affecting my self esteem to this day and its affecting my relatioship w my boyfriend. She still does things that hurt me. she doesnt physically abuse me anymore but she talks about me,puts me down and she actually put me out in the middle of the night,5 months pregnant with barely any money and nowhere to go.

talk to somebody that you trust maybe your bf. cry and let your soul out. It will feel better. I dont know what state do you live but I live in CA and the just for moms program they offer a couselor where I can talk and help me out w daily problems. there should be places for moms that can help you. WIC workers is  great as well.

Good luck. If you just want to talk you can email me. xoxoxoxo

Answer 20

you should get some councilling for it because its not good for you or the baby to stress about it. if you somehow can, you might like to talk things through with your mom, face to face. i hope it helps :)

Answer 21

talk about it, don't hold it in, tell ur husband/partner. they're there for you. u took the vows. i would also look for support groups, some woman are probably in the same position as you. and most importantly be the mom your mother was never to you. win the best mother award and don't let your mother lay another hand on u or ever on that baby. try confronting your mother about how bad she hurt you, about how you have nightmares. speak out. make a change.

hope you overcome this and have a healthy baby you will love and cherish.

Answer 22

you should get some proffesional help thats for sure....

as for your mom, you can also talk to her and tell her you dont understand why she did all that.

i hope you can forgive her before your baby arrives, i know its hard and it kinda sucks, but your baby deserves better.

past is past.... and good you live away from your mom.... dont wory facing the truth... it will help you a lot.