My mom died 2 wks.ago and my dad is very heart broken?

Question

they were together 37 years. My mom was blind, on dyalysis and was no longer able to walk- she had gone to the Hospital and they put her in a nursing home. She died on Sat. We had planned to bring her back home the following week. My dad is going through the grief process and is sometimes mean to me. He pushes me away a little when I hug him too. Should I just stay away for a while. I am hurting too for my mom but I'm not going to be mean to my family esp. when this is a time we really should be pulling together. Why would someone take their anger out on family????? I didn't cause her death.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recieve a daily newsletter from a Christian group and today's was based of grief. I'm sorry for just copy and pasting this, but I think it may help you today, maybe this is why I recieved it, in order to pass it along.

When you lose someone that you love, take comfort in knowing that those who were saved are now with God.

For it is written that when we die: THE DUST RETURNS TO THE GROUND IT CAME FROM, AND THE SPIRIT RETURNS TO GOD WHO GAVE IT.( ECCLESIASTES 12:7 )

Therefore: BROTHERS, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO BE IGNORANT ABOUT THOSE WHO FALL ASLEEP,OR TO GRIEVE LIKE THE REST OF MEN, WHO HAVE NO HOPE. WE BELIEVE THAT JESUS DIED ANDROSE AGAIN AND SO WE BELIEVE THAT GODWILL BRING WITH JESUS THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP IN HIM in the end time.(1 THESSALONIANS 4:13-14)

So, take comfort in knowing you will see them again, for it isn't the end of them but only the beginning! The beginning of a much better life where: HE WILL WIPE AWAYEVERY TEAR FROM THEIR EYES. THERE WILL BE NOMORE DEATH OR MOURNING OR CRYING OR PAIN, FORTHE OLD ORDER OF THINGS HAS PASSED AWAY.( REVELATION 21:4 )

Now I would like to share something with you that has helped many who have lost someone. It is called "Safely Home."

I pray that it will minister to those of you who have lost a dear one. Amen.

SAFELY HOME

I am home in Heaven, dear ones;

Oh, so happy and so bright!

There is perfect joy and beauty

In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,

Every restless tossing passed;

I an now at peace forever,

Safely home in Heaven at last.

Did you wonder I so calmly

Trod the valley of the shade?

Oh! But Jesus' love illumined

Every dark and fearful glade.

And He came Himself to meet me

In that way so hard to tread;

And with Jesus' arm to lean on,

Could I have one doubt or dread?

Then you must not grieve so sorely,

For I love you dearly still:

Try to look beyond earth's shadows,

Pray to trust our Father's Will.

There is work still waiting for you,

So you must not idly stand;

Do it now, while life remaineth--

You shall rest in Jesus' land.

When that work is all completed,

He will gently call you Home;

Oh, the pleasure of that meeting,

Oh, the joy to see you come!

I sincerely hope this has helped you.

God Bless you

Answer 2

yeah stay away for a while

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I wouldn't take his behavior now personally.  Everybody grieves in a different way.  Just let him know you are there and back off when he seems to need space.  Things will get better with time.

Answer 4

He is in pain, he loves her and misses her and does not know how he is going to go on with out her. just get him a card and write in it how much you miss her too and that you are there for each other- he loves you very much- just hang in there and let him grieve.

Answer 5

One of the stages of grief is anger. We all deal with grief in our own way. I hope your dad will come to realize he's hurt you with his actions and that you're hurting, too. Perhaps you can someday tell him this.

If it persists too long, maybe you should go to grief counseling together.  

Answer 6

First off, Sorry for your loss.  Death of a loved one is never easy, especially if they've been together so long.  Give him some space but make you he knows your there.  His being mean to you is not literally meant for you, he just expressing his feelings and your the one he's expressing them to.  My hope is that you will take comfort in the promises of God and that He will comfort and console you during this time.

Just My Thoughts!

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. Different people have different ways of dealing with their grief. I doubt your father is purposely pushing you away or dumping his grief on you, but it may just be the way he knows how to deal with things.

I'd say give your father time, don't be angry with the way he's coping, and allow him to grieve. It may take months, or like in my mother's case, it may take years. Therapy and grief counseling is something you both may want to look into during this difficult time, as sometimes it helps to talk to someone on the outside.

Best wishes for you both.  

Answer 8

Hang in there

Answer 9

Anger, often misplaced, is one of the classic stages of grief.  Find your own support from other relatives or friends and try not to resent your father's behavior.

Answer 10

Grief is a difficult thing to deal with and many people simply can't handle it.  Their emotions overcome them and they don't even realize what they do do the people around them.  Your dad just needs some space.  Keep giving hugs now and then, but don't be too clingy.  I know I needed space to grieve alone.  Just don't let him forget that you're there.

All the best to your family.

Answer 11

I am so sorry for your loss. People go through the grief process in their own way. Your Dad is probably angry at everyone at the moment. Anger is part of the process. We are forced to accept that which we do not want to accept. Perhaps he is afraid he can't handle it if he allows himself to hold you because he will break down. Some men can't handle that as they have often been taught that men dont cry. Sometimes it is easier to just be alone in the misery.

I know you need someone right now also, but in this case, don't expect it to be your dad just yet. He will come around in time. In the meantime, spend time with people who can share your grief and still try to be standing by your dad for when he does need you. He doesnt blame you.

Answer 12

God help your father and bless you, have peace .

Answer 13

Tell your dad what you just told us.  He needs to realize that everyone is sad, not just him.  Maybe that will help him to reach out in stead of pushing you away.

Answer 14

the pain will go as time passes..don't dwell on the pass''  

Answer 15

Everyone deals with grief differently. There are, however some noticeable stages of grief a person goes through, among them is anger.

Your Dad is going through an extraordinarily difficult time, and I'm certain you are also, but give him time and understanding.

37 years is a long, long life together, and is not soon gotten over. He will carry her memory the rest of his days, but time does have a way of bringing some sort of peace.

Answer 16

q tee im very sorry about your mum, you and your dad and other family have my condolences and my thoughts

hhmm its a difficult issue grief, we all grieve our own ways, we are all differnt in how we handle it, but your dad will be hit very hard so it will be soemthing that he is going to have to take time to come to terms with and that means he will have to fight to understand it, and yes that means not being himself

anger is just a stage of the grief, its all normal and very natural and even necesary, we need to get that anger out, because it is there, it builds up in us when soemoen dies as we are basically angry they are gone, angry at them, angry at everything and eveyrone sometimes

he doesnt know what else to do and he probably cant understand why he now has to go on without her,

hes got a lot to deal with now, and i dont wish to make your loss any less, i know its not, but to him, his will be more and worse, he loved and knew your mum, she was the closest family he will get, his wife, there is nothing to console you when the love of your life dies

and thats what happened

37 years together is a very long time, its a lot of missing and he will not have nay idea how hes supposed to go on without her after so long together

hes probably very confused, angry, hurt, lonely, and lost, but all you can do is be there for him, and try to understand this

be patient with him

no, dont stay away from him, of course not, but please dont pressure him either, dont ask him to be any other way, at least for the time being, give him a few months more, its still the VERY early stages hes in, he has a while to go, as you and your family all will

hes not blaming you or anything like that, its just grief, and its an uncontrollable issue, many people expect us to cry and then move on soon after, but reality is just not liek that, it basically tears you apart, ESPECIALLY if its the love of your life and all the life you have known, then you have to put yourself back together, so that will take time,

he doesnt mean or wish to hurt you,  but the hurt hes feeling is too much for him to control, just let him feel what he needs to, be how he needs to, let it out how and when he needs to, provided he doesnt go too far of course, and be there for him as much as you can

again, im sorry for your loss