My mom does so much for me, yet hurts me without knowing it.

Question

Alright well im the youngest of 3 older siblings (i'm 17) my parents are divorced and my mom bought a gorgeous house last summer and about a week ago I asked her if I could have a birthday party at her place (FAMILY ONLY) I'd celebrate with my friends seperately.

She agreed and thought it was a great idea.

My niece (my married sister's daughter) JUST turned 5 and my mom randomly had the idea to throw her a surprise birthday party at her house this saturday.

I thought that was a great idea (she has b-day parties every year, but this year she didn't get one)

that night we were sitting, talking when suddenly she asks " If you had to choose between a bday party for your niece or one for you which would you pick?"

I love my niece to death, of course I wouldn't put my needs for a stupid bday party before hers, she's just a child. I told this to my mom and she stayed quiet.

Then I said "why do you ask? Are you tryingto say I can't have a b-day party now?"

And my mom replied by saying that it's a lot of work and she's trying to live on a budget now and a birthday party costs a lot. MY BIRTHDAY IS IN OCTOBER! and its not like we're poor or anything...

Anyways I got very frustrated I feel as though my mom doesn't realize that this hurt my feelings a lot, as a child I never got birthday parties, I had one surprise party when I was 10 and my siblings threw it for me.

for once (FOR MY 18TH) I wanted to have something done for me for a change and spend time with my family and she says something like this?

Do I have a right to be upset? (not at the fact that I can't get a party, but becausde I feel as though my mom favors others over me)

and if I wanted to talk to my mom about it, what should I say to make her understand how I feel?

Answer 1

Well your mom might be on a new budget because of buying a new house. Also i understand you placing your niece before you and your mom might think well she is turning 18 and she is going ot have a party with her friends so maybe missing this one at my house wont be bad for her. If you wanted to talk to your mom just go mom i am not trying to say any thing really bad i just want to let you know how i feel. then tell her what you feel hun. Do you have a right to get upset yes and no, yes because it was sprung up after she already said yes to yours and No, because maybe you don't know the whole money situation in the house.

Answer 2

Honey...just tell her how you feel. A birthday Party for you doesn't have to be expensive...I know it is a very Special Birthday since my Girl is turning 18 in December...but just tell her you will keep it Low Key. Have some of your Closest friends over and just hang-out.I'm sure it isn't what you had pictured but have a good time anyway!~~Aloha and Happy Birhtday~~

Answer 3

Hey....i think you should let her know what's on your mind rather-than keeping it inside. You're right it should be your turn for a change, but it sounds like you love your niece as much as you love yourself. Try to work something out.

Answer 4

I think she just thinks that you wouldn't mind being last when it comes to these things, because you never told her that it hurts you a lot. She thinks that you're very understanding, and that you wouldn't mind. Mums tend to be like that, they love their children to bits, so they think that they'd be understanding enough. And of course you are, for 17 years, you never sounded your opinions, and this is probably the time.

Let her know that you're not mad at her, but you're just upset with her. Let her know that it's not about the party, it's about putting others before you. Tell her that you know she loves you and cares a lot about you, but you'd like to be able to have a party without worrying that someone might come before you again. Tell her that it hurts a lot being the last one of order when it comes to this.

Answer 5

in every situation dont forget that u must respect to your mom,and tell her what you are thinking...and how important is it for u.u shoud speak with her patiently.ask ur mom about the reason ?im sire she doesnt want to make u upset. i love u  my little sister...hope u enjoy in ur 18