My mom doesn't want me to see my boyfriend anymore for a dumb reason?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and my mom has always liked him but we've never slept together but now I feel like we are ready to take the next step. So I was honest with her about it so she can take me to get birth control and we can talk about it like adults but instead she freaked out! She told me I couldn't see my boyfriend anymore because she doesn't want me to make the same mistake she did (she had my older brother when she was 16) but she doesn't understand that because she made a mistake doesn't mean I will. How can I get her to understand this?

Answer 1

The sad truth is that you may not be able to make her understand. Also, s*x is a big thing even though it may not seem like it most of the time, so be sure you are both ready. You might want to try doing things to show your mom that you are mature enough to handle having s*x and that you are responsible enough to not get pregnant. Don't yell or insinuate in any way that she was stupid in having your older brother at 16 because then you will never hear the end of it and it will make matters worse. Best of luck!

Answer 2

You don't say how old you are but I'm assuming pretty young.  I can understand why your mom freaked out.  As parents we like to think that our children will wait until marriage.  I know, a little unrealistic!  But what has changed now that you thing you want to?  I think you should wait until you're older.  s*x is a big deal.  It won't be what you think.  Wait until you can get your own birth control so you won't freak your mom out.

Answer 3

First; I'm responding to the information you supplied me with. If you lied, my advice is irrelevant to your situation.

It sounds like your mother is looking out for you in an extreme manor. The first thing you should do is calm her stance on whether or not you should see your boyfriend anymore. A major point for seeing him again is to illuminate her over-protectiveness. Although she cares for you, it seems that her efforts are to keep you ignorant from the outside world. Ignorance is _never_ bliss. You need to experience things for yourself (or at least think things over / discuss them) and honestly, telling a teenager 'No' is never a good idea. She should have discussed the situation with you further before making any rash, impulsive decisions.

Gaining trust is always a key factor in any relationship. If you have lied to her numerously before, it would make sense for her not to meet you half-way on this issue. She might have reason to believe that you're too immature to handle a physical relationship and maybe she's right. I don't have enough information to make a call on that, so I will stick with your side unless she distrusts you because of something you're withholding from this question.

Try to gain as much information on the subject as you can and prepare. It will show your mother that you have thought this over and are on you way to making logical choices. Always a plus, and is necessary to becoming an adult.

To sum up my advice, persist in talking with her about the subject and ask her to become open-minded. Just because she became pregnant at 16, doesn't mean you will. Tell her that you value her opinion, but you need to live your own life. Granted, you will need her help to make wise choice seeing as how she has experienced more than you (That darn age thing :p).

Hope you both can talk it out further and come to a reasonable ending to this situation.

Harrison.