My mom is becoming a nun, help?

Question

This is not a joke, my mom decided a few years ago to "try" her vocation as a nun. She found an order that takes previously married women and people with children and she left. I am extremely against this. I think this is some child hood fantasy she is trying to fulfill, or reparation for getting pregnant outside of marriage when she was 20. Regardless, she was married to my dad for 20 years and has 3 children. She has always been an extremely devout Catholic, but this is taking it too far. I want to support her, but this is just absurd. She is a psychologist (spare me the comments on the irony here) with a Ph.D and she quit her career, sold everything she owns, and left. The issue now is that when they "let her" come home on home visits, she expects everyone (particularly me) to just cater to her every need. I have to drive her everywhere, house her, pay for her food, etc. She came here 2 days ago, and now she is in her full nun costume. I told her this is a small town and I will NOT be seen with her in that outfit. I love her, but this is just unfair to me. It may sound selfish, but my mom had a lot of money and I depended on her financial support til I graduate from college. She promised she would wait til I graduated, but she just left me high and dry. I have tried to tell her so many times that Im against it but she tells me she is just doing what she thinks God is calling her to. I dont know how to deal with this c**p, some advice maybe?

Answer 1

Let her live her own life

She visits under your terms, not hers.  It is your place and she has no right to offend you.

Love her but not what she does AND that is hard.

Answer 2

make up a fake marriage license and get her kicked out  

Answer 3

It's her life.

And, I'm a raging atheist, and yet I'd have no problem being seen with a nun.  

You need to grow up a little.

Answer 4

  I just cant imagin a mother running off to the nunnery and abounding her helpless children.  Are you an adult,since you are in college I am going to assume that's the case. What your mother choice's to do is her personal affairs. Can you work to support your self.  Her obligation to her family is to raise them to adult age. Then it is up to you, put your big girl pantys on ,and grow up.Parents are not an on going meal ticket,their job is to teach you how to take care of yourself and gently escourt you out the door, when you are old enough.The on going financil security that young people expect is not part of the obligation of a parent.I understand your rebelion,its no fun to suddenly have to take care of yourself but It is one of those milestones in life.  Soon you will be independent and feeling good about yourself, then thank your mom for raising a self confident woman.  Be nice to your mom she is going through something.  Who cares what other people think. Now go give her a hug, and share some chocolate ice cream.

Answer 5

get yourself a part time job cause it sounds like the free ride is over

and she has to do what she need to so I'd support her in this choice and don't be embarrassed life is too short

Answer 6

You can guide and talk to someone but you cannot force them to change. If your mom does not want to change then it would be better and eisier for you to accept her like the way she is.

You only hope of getting her to change is by befriending her and accepting her. Ask her why she is doing what she is doing and ask her other questions about what she is learning etc.

At the same time you have to do some homework. From whatever she tells you, you have to prove to her that she can perhaps serve God better by continuing to take care of her children and guiding them etc. If she feels the need to elevate herself spiritually then she can do that in the comfort of her home. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 7

Being a nun is legal, moral, and non-fattening.  Leave her alone.

Answer 8

There is not much you can do, she is an adult and can do what she wants

that being said, she should have waited until you were grown up.

Answer 9

I know a nun who was a GP, and married with kids, but so what? It isn't an unusual route into religious life nowadays.

"Im not questioned her MORALITY or the legality of being a nun, Im speaking of her obligation to her family.."

And what obligation would that be? She brought you up and gave you a life. Do you think you should be able to have her on a thether for the rest of her life?

Answer 10

I'm sorry, that is awkward,strange,etc. I assume your father has died.You will just have to embrace her choice through gritted teeth. She should have waited til later in life. BUT, she didn't! Just get a job, see her when you can, and pray.Always remember "If God will take you to it.God will take you through it".

Answer 11

I can see were this would be hard, and embarrassing.  Keep in mind though that this is not about you.  This is about her.  If this truly makes her happy and she believes this is what she needs to do then let her be.  You should support her decision.  That would be hard thinking that she would at least wait until you graduated, but your an adult now and need to take on your own responsibilities. Try to look on the bright side of things.  Think about her happiness and her dedication and learn from it.  I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear but it is the right thing to do.  I wish you the best.  I am sure you will figure out what is the best thing to do after thinking about it.  

Answer 12

haha tell her to wake up she can continue being a devout catholic without having to be a nun also she would have less time to be with her children and would have to live in a convent or something

Answer 13

I agree it sucks that she left you "high and dry" as you say, for financial support, but I also think it's great that she's following her heart and her conscience doing what she thinks is right for her.

Who knows, in the future she may look back and think she made a mistake, but ultimately, if it makes her happy, and gives her some peace, then it's a good thing for her.

Is your dad still around? Can he offer financial support for you?

I know how it is to struggle. I moved out of home when I was 17, and have been financially independent since then. By that, I don't mean I have loads of money, but I depend only on myself to make ends meet and pay the bills, etc. I'm considering going back to college and finishing my degree, and I have to pay for it myself. But, it was like that even when I first attended when I was 19. As the third of six kids, I knew my parents would be unable to support me financially.

Take out a student loan, or take a year off and work to raise the money you need to finish school. It's character building, if nothing else. I tend to think that by the time you finish highschool, your parents don't owe you anything else. By then, you should have everything you need to be able to live successfully. I dont' believe in parents buying their kids their first car, paying for their education, etc. I do agree with them planning for the future and setting up accounts and funds, but not neccessarily paying for everything. You appreciate more the things you have to work for.

Answer 14

Well, it is certainally a strange situation.You need to sit in down with your mom over a cup of tea and discuss your feelings of betrayal.Its nice that you mom wanted to be nun, but I think she is being selfish.A woman can either be a mother OR a nun, not both without neglecting her family.If she could hold back until you and your siblings have finished uni and are no longer in need of fincial support, it would be fairer.As for her husband, she broke her marriage to be a nun, despite Jesus's words against divorce.In other words, she is a fake nun.

Answer 15

That is her calling in life.

You believe in choice don't you? She still will be your mom.

I have worked many years. What' so fun about that. If she likes what she is doing, Godspeed.

Why would you deny her happiness?

Answer 16

{{{{Snarf}}}}

I don't think I could begin to give you the answers you will need for this one.  It's a doozy.  I would consider talking to a therapist about it.

I would say that, I have a sister that is similar.  Valadictorian and yet she believes the earth is 5000 years old and her life is filled with Jesus.  She has horrible relationships with everyone in her real life, but perceives herself to be the most godly person around.

I think it's similar with your mom.  And I think they don't do it out of intellectual reasons, but out of emotional ones.  They are damaged deeply inside and this god-thing fulfills a need for them.  It's so sad that she is blind to YOUR emotional needs, however.  

Since you're in college already, you have only a bit of time left until you establish yourself and won't be depedent upon her.  I don't blame you for not wanting to be her maid nor be seen with her.  You can tell her "I want a mom, not a nun.  This nun thing is YOUR choice, not mine.  Frankly, when Jesus got his bride, I lost my mom and feel its not fair."  She can't ignore the impact that her actions have had upon everyone else in your family.

Answer 17

You can like buy her a ruler, an extra long one, with dirty little pictures of men of them, and like totally give it to her for Christmas! And like buy her a hawt nun outfit for like Halloween, she'll like totally love that!

Answer 18

Yes, she should have waited until you graduated from school.

Otherwise, she can do whatever she wants.

You can do whatever you want, including refusing to drive her, pay for her food, etc.