My mom is deathly afraid of water, please help!?

Question

We have a four ft deep pool, not bad at all right? My mom has to have a floaty around her waist and she only goes as far as her stomach to be wet. She has a good reason to be afraid though but I wish she could overcome this fear because we are going to a waterpark on our vacation which is in about a month. And we all really want her to get in the wave pool with us [not crashing waves, just little swells.] and have a good time rather than her just watching the rest of us all day.

The reason she's so afraid is because when she was a teenager she was at a party and there was a DEEP pool there... well somebody decided to push her in to make her learn how to swim. She ended up not learning how to swim and almost drowning. None of us know what to do to help her because we [my family] feel guilty that she is just sitting there and we are out having fun. She says she's fine and has fun watching us, but I think she's just saying that. Any tips on how to get her in the water and feel

Answer 1

Get in the pool with your mom.  Have her at the side (does it have steps?  if so, stay at the steps) and YOU should stay between her and the open water.  Practice as many things as you can with her FACING the steps and/or wall.  

I'm going to make the assumption that she will not put her face in the water.

Here are the steps to take.  First, at the wall or on the steps, you must get her confident about lowering her body into the water.  Have her put her hands on the wall (or steps) with you at her side.  Hold her hands on the wall (or steps) to reassure her that she can't move away.  Gently place your hand in the small of her back for the same reason (reassurance).   Have her lower her body, up to her neck, into the water.  Repeat this over and over until she is relaxed and you know she is confident.

Then the next step which is getting her to put her face in the water.  The first thing is to get her to hold her breath above the water.  She must be confident that she can hold her breath for a count of 15 or 20 seconds.  After she is confident, have her do each of the following, IN ORDER, until you know she is confident and relaxed:

1. have her hold her breath and dip her chin in the water to a count of 5

2. have her hold her breath and dip one ear in the water to a count of 5

3. have her hold her breath and dip the other ear in the water to a count of 5

4. have her hold her breath and dip one cheek in the water to a count of 5

5. have her hold her breath and dip the other cheek in the water to a count of 5

6. do the same with each cheek and ear

7. now, add her chin and ... a big thing ... her lips but, stress holding her breath and NOT inhaling.  Do this several times until she is confident and relaxed.

8. Add her nose and, again, stress holding her breath and NOT inhaling.  Do this several times until she is confident and relaxed.

9.  Now ... have her see if she can put just one eye in the water ... remember ... until confidence and relaxation

10.  And ... now the biggee!  while facing the wall, have her lower her entire face until you count to five ... holding her breath.  Repeat until she is confident and relaxed.

11.  Have her do the same facing you ... DO NOT walk away from her ... reassure her that you will not let her move away from the wall.

12.  Go out into shallow water ... repeat step #11 while you hold her hands and tell her you won't let go.

13.  repeat step 12 and tell her your going to let go of one hand for only a couple of seconds ... and do what you say.

14.  repeat step 13 and tell her your going to let go of both hands for a couple of seconds ... then grab them again and do what you say, nothing extra.

15.  repeat until she can do this by herself until you count to 12 or 15 and then see how long she can hold her breath underwater.

Teach her to float

1.  Streamline position (fingers interlocked, chin on chest, biceps behind the ears)

2. she stands facing the wall or steps ... you hold her clenched together hands and she lowers herself into the water ... tell her you're going to put your hand under her belly and lift her up so her feet are off the bottom of the pool.

Repeat to confidence and relaxation.

3. Hold her hands in one hand and her belly in the other and take her away from the wall ... then out into the water.

4. Tell her, while she's in streamline and your holding her hands and belly, that after she puts her face in the water, you're going to let go of her belly for a count of 3.  She might feel herself sink a little (tell her that), but she should just relax and not move and you'll pick her right back up .. repeat

5. Repeat step 4 except let go of her hands ... she should not move ... tell her she might sink a little but that is expected and you'll pick her right back up.

6.  Then ... the biggee ... tell her you're going to let go of both her hands and belly ... she'll sink, but you'll not move away and you'll pick her up after only 3.  Then, repeat but this time go to 5 ... and then to 8 and so on until you know she is confident and relaxed.  Do this facing the wall.

7.  repeat step #6 but, this time, do it facing the open water ... then mover her out into the water and repeat.

If you noticed, I've broken this process down into the most simple steps as it will take incredible patience on your part to help her to overcome her fear.  You'll also have noticed that at each step, besides patience, you must know that she is confident and relaxed.  But, if you keep it very simple and secure for your mom, she'll become confident.

good luck ... and email me telling me the results.

BTW, I didn't proof read all of this, so if there are errors, too bad!  :^)

Answer 2

Look into adult lessons at the YMCA or city recreational facility.

If she learns how to swim, she won't be afraid anymore.  Her fear is borne of the knowledge of her own incompetency.

She can overcome it by facing that which she fears and gaining competency in the element.

Good luck!!!