My mom is embarrassing me?

Question

I am 15. I love my mom, and I dont want to hurt her. But when I have friends over, she likes to go with us to the movies, the mall, etc.

I just want it to be me and my friends, you know?

My friend (I havent seen her in a few years since i moved away) will be coming up for the weekend. I want to show her a good time......without my mom going with us. What can I say to my mom? She would let me go alone, she just wants to go with. Is there anyway I can gently let her down?

Answer 1

I understand perfectly.  A friend of ours wanted to go to his son's bachelor party and couldn't understand why it was "no dads"!

I think you may have to ease her into this.  You can suggest that she pick you up after the movies and go get a pizza together or something, but she needs to understand that it's awkward to have a parent there every minute.  It stifles you *and* your friends.  You love her, but she's not a teenager and she needs to respect that you have friends just as she has friends (sounds like she may not).  Plus, you need to be able to practice going out with your friends because you're going to be going to college sooner than she realizes, and you need to be able to do some things for yourself--getting a table in a restaurant, figuring out a tip, etc.  You're happy to have her say hi to her friends and catch up for a bit, but she can't be part of every conversation.  It looks like she doesn't trust you or thinks you're a baby.  Tell her you will call her every 90 minutes if she's worried about you but you guys need to have some independence--everyone does.

I have to say this is going to take more than you to change this behavior.  Tell your grandma, aunt, dad, mom's friends, minister, *anyone and everyone* who will help tell her that this has gone past 'careful parent' into 'deeply weird'.  So tell mom you have a lot of catching up to do with your friend, and she needs to respect the fact that you have relationships of your own, and you're entitled to them.  She can't micromanage you forever--is she going to come to college with you?  She doesn't seem to understand boundaries.  

Sweetie, she sounds lonely, or like she's trying to be one of the girls, when what she needs to do is be your mom.  I think you need an adult to help you out here.  And if you need an example to show her, tell her about my friend and the bachelor party!  

Answer 2

Just tell your mother, with gentle words, that you'd like it if she didn't intrude on you and your friends so often.  She sounds lonely and just in need of some friends, even if they are 15!  If that's true, I am sad for you mother, but you need to have a life too.  Just be gentle with her and I'm sure she will get the message.

Answer 3

Your mom just loves your company. Is she a single mom? Believe me, she probably just wants to be near you until you reach 18 and you'll be too far / too busy / too cool to be near her. You're lucky... my mom just died from cancer about 5 months ago, and I'd give the world for her to still be here with me. Now all I do is remember the times she wanted to hang out with me and I blew her off to go be with friends. I understand you're trying to be independent at this age (15) but you never know how much longer you got with your mom. If you're gonna let her off, do it nicely. She's probably very sensitive than you think.

Answer 4

Tell her to at least keep a distance when she is out chaperoning you. That way you aren't telling her off completely, but she will get the hint that you want to be cut loose at least a bit. My son is 11 and I let him and his friend (buddy) come with us to the movies now and then, but they can sit far away from us.

Answer 5

I am not surprised that your mom wants to chaperon a 15 year old as you are young and inexperienced in the ways of the world

Answer 6

politely ask your mom if you can have some time alone with your friend and let her know that you appeacitae everything she does. Just pick one activity where you can include your mom for a while then see about having the rest of the time with your friend.