My mom is throwing my bridal shower, what to do?

Question

My bridal shower is THIS saturday. I have given my mom a list of ladies that I'm close to (some family included). However, I was made aware that she has invited people to the shower that I did not invite. I understand that she is giving the shower, however, it is still in honor of the bride. Not everybody that she has invited without my knowledege is invited to the wedding. Not everybody that she has invited do I communicate with or see. I feel like just because someone may know me, doesn't mean that they should be invited to the shower or ceremony. I'm not into inviting a bunch of people for gifts. I just want to be surrounded by the people I know who genuinely care for me. What should I do? I've already told her that everybody she's invited may or may not have been invited to the ceremony. I don't feel like I should have to invite them to the wedding, just because my mom invited them to the shower. I hope that those people don't show up univited to the wedding. That would be rude.

Answer 1

it is in bad taste to invite someone to a shower and not invite them to the actual wedding.. that is like saying, "i want your gift but you  are not important enough to me to have you share in the most important day of my life".... if your mom did that, it would be proper etiquette to send them a wedding invite.. they might be thinking 'oh, i guess we are invited to the wedding now'... maybe some won't come because they feel the same way 'i really don't see her so i don't want to put out for a wedding", but if they were invited to the shower , and ESPECIALLY if they came you need to now invite them to the wedding.. it would be rude otherwise... unfortunately, you kinda have to pick up the slack for your mom's s***w up, but you need to talk to her and tell her that she should not make any more decisions about your wedding without consulting you first...

I kinda went through the same thing.. my grand mom wanted me to invite a bunch of her friends to my wedding (she lives in FL and i used to see them alot when i visited).. but i said no because i haven't seen these people in well over 15 years at the time i was getting married, and felt like it would just be me asking for gifts from them, because i knew they would not be able to come (i am in PA they are in FL).. my grand mom was a bit mad at me but got over it.... she just felt like she has always done for their kids so now it was my turn.... obviuosly, i didn't see it that way.. especially because she has always seen their kids on a regular basis growing up!

Good luck....

let us know what happens!!!

Answer 2

Boy, your mom doesn't really keep up with Emily Post, huh?

Does she know how incredibly rude it is to be invited to the shower and not the wedding?

With that said...not much you can do about it now, right?  So just thank everyone for coming and smile...you're the BRIDE!

Answer 3

your mom should have checked with you first, but sometimes they can just get carried away in the moment. Make it clear to your mom that you are not inviting them to the wedding out of politeness or obligation, and leave it to her to explain it to them if need be as she was the one who put her foot in it.  Im sure she knows you are gratefull for having the shower for you, but you still need to let her know that you preferred to share it with closer  friends and family.  Maybe she can tell them it has been cancelled, and just have it with the people you invited, and just reschedule the whole thing.  Or just have it, be gratefull, and thank the people for the presents if they brought any, and in a speech say " we hope to see you all after the wedding".  Most people are pretty cool these days with going to engagements but not being invited to the wedding.

Answer 4

Yeah, your mum probably should have checked the wedding invites first. That would have made a lot more sense.

You shouldn't have to invite them to your wedding if you don't want them there, and while it's probably too late to univite them to your shower, I think you should have a sit down with your mum about the potential consequences of her choice of invitees.

Answer 5

Honey, take it easy.

You need to talk to your mom about this and find out where she is coming from and what her expectations are.  There are also very clear rules of etiquette involved when it comes to things like this.

I guess that she is very excited and happy for you and she would like to share her excitement and happiness with some of her friends at the shower that she knows are not coming to the wedding.  In this case, as she is throwing the shower, it's a bit of her day too!  Let her have her day.

Just make clear that there are no expectation on her part that you are obligated to invite these people to the wedding; I am sure there isn't.

Communication will be the key to survival throughout your marriage.  Not just with your husband, but families too!

Answer 6

If your mom has invited people that you haven't invited to the wedding.....then smile and be the most gracious bride that you can be at the shower. What more can you do?

IF, afterwards, your mom realizes that all guest should have been invited to the wedding, just tell her there is limited budget. If she wants to pay more for the ladies she included at the shower, then take her money. What more can you do?

P.S.  A bride's mother once invited me to a shower, when I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding. I simply declined the shower and didn't worry about it.

Answer 7

You have several severe etiquette faux pas, and the poor manners are evident in many instances. Just a name a few.

1-It's in poor taste for your own mother to thow you a shower. Not classy at all.

2- You don't invite the people just to the ceremony. Unless you are Angelina Jolie or Princess Diana, people just not want to go and see you get married. Just good enough for gifts, uh?

3- You don't invite the same people to more than one shower. Do you think people are REALLY going to fall for that crass, rude, inconsiderate request??????

You are being beyond rude and you don't even see it what makes it even more irritating. It's extremely offensive and and poor taste.

WOW