My mom just asked me if she was a good mother, I tried to be nice and say she wasn't a normal mother and then?

Question

she asked if that was a good thing or a bad thing? So I said it was a bad thing. I was being honest. i answered the question like that because I was trying to avoid the question but then the whole thing backfired. Should I have lied? I think my mom knows that she wasn't a good mother so that's why she asked in the first place. What should i do now. I really don't want to be anything like her. SOrry but that is true. What to do now to rectify the situation......any adivce?

Answer 1

She is your mother. You shouldn't have lied but you shouldn't think she is a bad mother at all. She loves you more than anyone and that if that is the best she can be at being a mother then thats a good mother. Some people dont even have moms, and you just told a woman who loves you more than aanyone that she wasnt a good mother? That is a little selfish dont you think. There is no way in rectifying your situation except to apologize and take back what you said by pointing out all the good things she has ever done or tried to give or do for you.

Answer 2

You blew it no way you and your mom are gonna be close ever again.

Answer 3

Say "You were joking back then when you asked me if you were a good mother werent you? Because of course you are"

Answer 4

I guess you could tell her she did the best she knew how.

Answer 5

I think you're right. You know those really skinny girls that say stuff like " Oh I'm SOOOO fat" because they want you to tell them how cute they look. Well, it's like that. Your Mom is insecure & fishing for attention.I'm sorry. My Mom was like that, too. I think the best thing that you could do is to have a calm, honest talk w/ her. She may not listen, but at least you will have gotten it off your chest.

Answer 6

you told the truth, why lie to her to save her from the guilt she deserves to bear. If she want a good mother then she wasnt that was not your fault. That was a pretty silly question to ask when she already know the answer

Answer 7

That's one h#ll of a question to ask your kid.  It's not being the best mom to even ask something like that, especially if she is not ready to hear the answer.  I'm sorry you were put on the spot like that.  She was not acting like an adult.

The best thing you can do is to tell her that you still love her and that nothing can change the fact that she is your mom. Ask her what made her ask. Maybe it is something you can work on together to improve your relationship.  Maybe it's just some stupid "are you a good mother" magazine quiz.  But you won't know unless you ask.

Answer 8

i can understand about your situation. My parents asked me if they were good parent or not and to be honest. So i told then the harsh truth like they wanted. i worry if i hurt their feelings or not (rarely). if your mom wanted the truth then you given that to her. lying won't help. I'm guessing she asked if she was a good mom or not because she wanted to improve her parenting. The best thing i can think of right now is to let things slide.

Answer 9

well for someone that just lost their dad all i can tell you is just dont regret anything......say wat you mean and say it like you mean it...if you want to you can try to be nice if not you can tell her how it is but just do wat you think is right for you becasue if you dont you could regret ti the rest of your life.........im not playing

Answer 10

just tell her the truth.

tell her you think she was a bad mother and explain to her why. if she doesn't already know it than she should know.

Answer 11

I understand just tell her how she was a good mother.

Answer 12

Honesty is always best.    Just explain why you feel that way and you don't hold it against her (hopefully).  You shouldn't have lied.  I wouldn't want my kids to lie to me even if it hurts.

Answer 13

I can understand that. Sometimes its good to lie, but this was a situation that if you lied, she would see through it since she KNOWS shes not a very good mother. I think you should give her a little time, then talk to her and just try to tell her something...I dont know. Comforting, or something. Tell her that we are all human, and no one is perfect. Then assure her that you love her. Thats all you can do now.

Answer 14

just avoid her for now.

go to your room.

she asked a question so she got an honest answer.

she could of been a better mom.

yes, she  knew she's been a shaky mom, that's y she asked.

Answer 15

just tell her she does the best she could and no matter how good a mother she is u will always love her

Answer 16

To resolve the family situation, you must resolve your situation within the family.

Answer 17

Mom doesn't sound very mature.  She should not be asking for reassurances from her child.  If she recognizes mistakes, she should try to change (learn from her past choices to make better choices in the future).  Ultimately, she is the adult and she is responsible for her actions.

You sound like an average teen.  In your shoes, the easiest way to have avoided that whole situation would have been to say she did fine.  All parents make mistakes.  If she isn't learning from her mistakes (whatever they were) at least it sounds like you did.  In other words, you recognize decisions she made that you do not approve of and you want to do things differently for your children someday.  Someday you may change your mind about some of the things you are going through...dealing with the average teen angst.

I think you will do fine.  As for repairing things.  Try not to rub mom's nose in her errors unless there is a reason to do so.  I told you so isn't a popular statement on the receiving end.  You won't walk away from that unscathed.

Answer 18

You told the truth. If she can't handle it, she should not have asked. Unless you want to tell her specific reasons why, I would not go into it. It might be good to get it off your chest (maybe write a letter?) but if she is a real nutjob she will just get mad and defensive and think you are being mean. This just depends on her. Is she the type who can admit being wrong and say sorry? Or is she the type to deny, make excuses, justify and use guilt trips? If she belongs to the latter group, you are wasting your time. Especially if she has mental problems I would not bother.  

Just try to be a better mom than she was, which it sounds like you already are. When parents say "We tried our best" this is a cop out. Every horrible parent says this, notice and usually whe you really look at the situation, they could have done better but didn't! At any rate it is good to learn from her mistakes. Try to forgive her, no matter how bad she was. Also, if you choose to keep some distance between her and your child (if you have any) I wouldn't blame you. It's possible to forgive someone and avoid them!

10 points if you can answer mine:

Answer 19

wow. Not to be mean but im a mom myself although my daughter is 3, if she ever said anything like that to me i would be crushed. im sure your mom does her best. maybe you should try to tell her why you feel the way you do. im sure shes very shes hurt by it. you shouldnt lie to her but you should let her know how you feel. even if you dont want to be like her she still has feeling and you have the choice to changes things for you self to not follow her path.  always remeber she gave life to you, she feeds you and puts a roof over your head. some people dont have parents at all, even if they may not do what you want they love you and they try there best..

Answer 20

You may not know this but you have answered your own question.

You handled your mother well.

Honesty never fails,Good Job.

Answer 21

u did the best by telling her the true. Its just that she cannot take it, that she is bad. It will take a few days for her  to recover. Later definitely there will be a changes on her. Give her some time, she will be fine and u will be happy  ........

Answer 22

Well, my mom said the something and then I told her what I really felt and she was upset at me. But I also told her ALL the good things she did. Like get nice clothe and fed me and did the house work and things like that but you take some of those with you so If you want you can try to tell her what she has tough you in your life. You don't have to be like her just tell her what she has done right what would you want your mom to say to you if you were her.

Answer 23

Since you're feeling guilty, you must still love your mother. Tell her that, which is probably what she wants to hear the most. Also, tell her what she did that was good. It could be the smallest thing, like giving you an extra cookie. Then ask her if she thinks she was a good mom. What mistakes did she think she made.