My mom just got her dog put to sleep and is acting strangely?

Question

My mom had to get her dog put to sleep the other day. She had him for about 16 years. I know she has always been close to him. I know this isn't very nice, but I have never really liked him or been close to him (he always tried to attack our other animals and has bitten me a couple of times over nothing). The other morning, she called me and told me that she had made an appt. to get Bingo (her dog) put to sleep and asked me to come with her for support. I said yes, but she made the appt. for that very day. I wish she would have given herself a little more time to be with him before she had this done. Anyway, we took him to the vet and I don't know if this is how it is supposed to be done, but the way they did it was very horrific and traumatizing: my mom wanted to be with him; she wanted to hold him to make him feel more "at ease". They kept poking him and poking him with all these different needles in different places on his body and he would cry out (I felt so bad that I couldn't watch; I had to go outside to cry). I couldn't stand to be there the whole time, but I know it was bad. They came in with a trash bag when he wasn't even dead yet, and then they told my mother that he had passed away, but he was still moving and crying a little--it was really terrible. I thought they would just give him a shot and he would have a peaceful passing, but it was awful. I know my mom was upset afterwards, but this is something that makes me kind of angry at her: She was standing there at the counter getting ready to make her payment and she was being so snotty to the guy at the desk, like he did something. Then she was saying (while we were still in the vet's office) "They killed him, they murdered him" and I got so mad at her, though I didn't say anything. She is the one who *payed* to have this done. He was old and suffering (and blind and pretty much deaf), but she is the one who called them. When we got into the car, she was acting so mean to me and I was just trying to be nice to her. It's like she was trying to then act like it was *my* fault. It's not like they kidnapped and then killed him without her permission. I know she was upset, but I still feel mad about it, even though I wouldn't tell her this. I know she had him for a very long time and was attached to him and loved him, but he wasn't himself anymore. He just layed there in pain, constantly biting himself and yelping. She also acted irritated with him a lot. Which doesn't mean she shouldn't be upset, but she acts like he was this sweet, caring, wonderful dog that was playful and full of life and he wasn't. I still feel horrible about what happend, but I think she's going overboard by acting like he was perfectly fine and everything was just dandy. Do you think this is just her way of coping with things, you know, building her dog up and acting as if it's everyone else's fault? I mean, it seems like that's what she's doing. Have you seen anyone else cope with the death of their animal like this? I know if one of my own animals had to be put to sleep, I would feel awful--but I don't think I would feel right in blaming others the way she is. Is this normal?

Answer 1

This is supposed to be a dog section.

Not mothers.

Or was that some ironic joke? :/

Answer 2

maybe its her own way of grieving

Answer 3

First off the way they handled the euth was horrible! The dog will get a preanesthetic first to clam the dog down and when you are ready they will injected the dog to put it too sleep. Most vets will let you have your time with your pet and once you have left the room they will deal with bagging the pet for cremation or for you to take home. If I were you I would file a complaint with your local government that control all vets and their practices.

Secondly, your mother is having some deep loss and the best thing to do is to find a pet loss support group or number so she has somewhere to go or to call to help her get through all the emotions. Many people hold their pet as close or closer than family members so it can cause get emotional loss when there is a death. There is also lost of books on how  to deal with pet loss.

You just have to remeber that everyone deals with loss in their own way so finding ways to help her deal with it or be there for her might be the best solution.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

The five stages of dealing with death are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Seems to me she's going through the first two stages at the same time. People grieve in their own ways. Surely she's not really blaming you. She's probably mad at herself for having the dog put down, especially in the way the veterinarian did it. If you ask me, that is not how a dog should be euthanized. I had my schnauzer put down a couple years ago, and the vet was very sweet and considerate, and totally understood what we were going through at the time. There was no plastic bag. Things weren't over until her heart stopped, but I couldn't stay and watch and I still feel awful that I left her side.

She's most likely blaming everyone else, because she's upset with herself, because she's just plain upset that she lost a best friend that she loved dearly. Just be there for her when she needs you. I'm sure that's all she wants.

Answer 5

First off find another vet clinic because your moms dog sounds like he suffered needlessly.  I was with my dog when I had her put to sleep, and it was a very peaceful, quiet time.  No stress, no fuss, she just went to sleep.  Your mom is very upset and she probably was feeling bad for putting her dog through the procedure.  It's too bad the clinic didn't know what they were doing. It would have been much easier on your mom if it were a peaceful passing.   Just give her some time to get over her grief, and don't take anything she did or said personally.

Answer 6

I think she said they murdered him because of the cruel way it was done.  It is just a shot and they go to sleep.  You should have never seen how they were going to dispose of the body.  The certainly shouldn't have brought it out when he hadn't passed yet.  I think the anger is her way of coping with her grief.  Let her be angry and let her rant and rave.  She doesn't mean anything by it.  She had the dog for 16 years I am sure she is devastated.

Answer 7

this sounds like a terrible vet clinic.  They should be reported to the HSUS.  There is no reason for multiple sticking of the poor dog.  No wonder she is having problems with this experience.  Perhaps she could benefit from some counseling.  I would need it if I were in her position.

Answer 8

Yes, her actions are fairly normal, especially since she did it so quickly.  

The vets office is way out of line, FIND A NEW ONE.  We recently had to put our husky down, she was only 12 :( The vets office waited till we were ready before they did the injection. They listened to her heart until it stopped and let us stay as long as we wanted. There is no need to prod and poke the dog, the heart will stop on its own.  

The strangest thing was that her eyes did not close.  The office even took an imprint of her footprint for us have as a keepsake.

It is hard to lose a pet that way and the office should have been more respectful to you and your mom, that may be why she is feeling so bad.  Give it time, if it doesn't get better, seek a support group.

Answer 9

grieving over the death of a pet is hard. there are different stages of grief, sadness anger disbelief, denial,  and it will start over again  and again for a while, so just try to understand her pain . She is not mad at any one , just doesn't know how to deal with it.  

Answer 10

your mom might just be grieving in her own way, bur regardless that is NOT the way the euthanasia process is supposed to be.

Answer 11

It kind of sounds like she doesn't exactly know how to grieve for her dog.  It's alot easier to blame someone else and say it was their fault, she also probably feels guilty for having him put to sleep.  A couple years ago we put my grandmas dog down, the vet came out to the car and gave her one shot and she just feel asleep, I don't know what was up with the the pocking you say they did.  Give your mom time, and please don't take any of it personally.

Answer 12

I have had two dogs put to sleep . And it was one injection in their paw and it was peaceful and fast, i was with both of them also while it was done .  these people did a heart poke which is cruel in its self how sad for the poor guy . Find another vet  to be your vet from now on .  

Answer 13

suggest counseling.  all types of loss must be accepted -till then she will go thru the stages of grief.