My mom just passed away and I'm not sure how to deal with the death of my mother?

Question

my mom was never married so i never got to know my birth father. I just dont know what todo now with the house and the bills since i dont think i can afford to pay the bills. I do have a job but it doesnt pay that well and also with a baby coming along soon im just not sure what to do here.

Answer 1

Do you have relatives who can help you out. Does your mother have a life insurance policy or a will? Start looking through her things and also call your car insurance company and ask them if she has a life insurance policy. I am so sorry you have this burden to deal with! Don't worry!

Answer 2

First of all, let me offer my condolences for your loss. That is a major loss for any young person--pregnant or not. Did your mother have any life insurance? If so, that can be used to pay the bills. If not, you can apply for Survivor's benefits through the Social Security Administration. They will pay benefits based on your mother's earnings up to age 24, as long as you are in school. If she had any credit cards. you are not responsible for them; the banks will forgive the debt. Maybe she had retirement holdings or a 401(k) at her job. Generally, social service organizations will help you; contact the office in your city and ask for help. As for the house, you and your fiancee can work and pay it together. Perhaps you can cover it with savings, insurance money or even the survivor's benefits. Having a baby will make it doubly hard, but hang in there; once you graduate and go to college, you can apply for extra financial aid and you can live on that for a while as you go through school. I wish you the best of luck.  

Answer 3

Im so sorry to hear of your loss.  First of all is the father of your child involved in your life.  If he is tell him to give you a helping hand.  Do you have any other family members who can help you financially?  

Answer 4

im sorry. when my dad passed away. i just.didnt deal with it. just wait. and there will be a time when you know what to do. but now handle your situation at home first. own the house?.rent rooms out to ppl so they can help pay for house bills. and continue working. be careful. hold interviews.and make sure you have contracts for them. or you can sell the house and live with your relatives. and be ready to take care of your child.sorry. i know its hard. but try.. be calm . handle everything one at a time. best of luck. you can always talk to me. im going to be a senior in high school. too.

Answer 5

I'm sorry.  In your place, I'd never have become pregnant.  And you are dealing with two tragedies, not just one.  

Answer 6

It is like it was four years ago when I heard that a friend of mine had committed suicide.  I went to his parents' house hoping that it was some stupid hoax, but as soon as I got there it was clear that it wasn't. I am really hoping too that this is some joke by a troll, but have to assume that it is genuine.

I have only answered a couple of your questions, but already I feel I know you enough to weep for you and am in some shock at the news.

So many things to sort out at so many levels.  Firstly you need support.  Did your mother leave a will?  She should have named an executor to the estate.  

You said in an earlier question that you have parents.  This suggests you have a stepfather.  Do you actually have one? Because if so, then he will be the one who has to handle things.  How do you get on with your stepfather if you have one?

If she did not leave a will, and if your mother did not have a husband and you are an only child, clearly everything is left to you.  Equally important, since you are a minor, you need to have a guardian appointed to care for you.  My goodness, you have need of one.

You need to track down as many relatives as you can, partly because it is down to you to break them the news, and also because among this rag-tag collection of aunts, uncles, cousins and best of all grandparents, you can find the support you need to piece together your own life as the sudden head of the household. You also need to find a relative who can guide you through motherhood while you are still in grief at the loss of your mother.

Another big event that will involve them is your wedding, which is now thrust upon you earlier than you would have liked.  He is your rock and anchor, and the pressures on him to hold you together are immense.

Within a few months, you and your new husband will be parents, and there will be a little baby dependent on you.  Yet until yesterday, you were only a kid yourself.  You are leaping up one generation without warning, far too soon, but then fate is not always kind or gentle.

Try not to think too badly about death.  If it wasn't for death, there would be no need for you to be here.  Nor any need for your child.  By dying, we make room for the next generation, and allow us all to enjoy the laughter and wonder of children.

The next issue is money.  As a minor, you are denied many things that adults take for granted, such as the right to own property and a credit card.  Your guardian will need to act as trustee for you until you hit 18.  Crucially important therefore you can find a trustee you can trust.  Your trustee can then negotiate a holding arrangement so at least you can carry on living in your home for the time being.

The next point of support is your school.  The school must have a welfare system to help their pupils who are in serious distress, and without doubt you qualify.  They might well be able to point you in good directions, and just as important, call up Government Social Welfare assistance for you, so that some of your burdens and responsibilities can be lifted off you and you can continue your studies best as you can.

I really cannot advise you what assistance is available unless you live in the UK.  Which country are you from?  Is there anyone there who can help you?  Is there an insurance policy of your mother's you can claim on?

If it is any help, I am going to Mass on Friday and will light a candle in front of Our Lady so that she can give you protection and courage.  It may not be much, but you will know that through her all Catholics are thinking and praying for you.

I will add more ideas if and when I think of them.

Answer 7

WOW! That's all I can say. I mean, I just talked to you this morning and you were saying that you was pregnant and didn't know how to tell your mom.

But, this is to unexpected. I can't believe she just passed away. I'm in total shock. Lord have mercy on you.

Have some family relatives to help you. This is a time when you're in need and family is supposed to step in to help you. They need to be there for you. Through the thick and thin.

I sure will have you as a part of my prayers tonight. I'm sure your mom is in a better place. I feel too sorry for you.

Believe me, I am in total shock about this news because I just got to know you this morning on this computer and you was just speaking about your mother, and now she's gone. This is truly something!

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear that.  On top of all the pain and grief, you have the very difficult problem of dealing with all the financial and practical stuff, which would be hard enough to do on its own.

Try to break things down into little pieces.  Go through all her bills and mail, and see if you can determine what she owes and when and where it goes.  Go to her bank and see if she has a safe deposit box and see what her resources are there, like if she had a loan, a direct deposit, insurance, that sort of thing.

Contact anybody in her contact list (like on a cell phone or in an address book.)  Let them know what happened and see if they have any advice.  Talk to her employers, neighbors, friends, family, anybody she had contact with.  

I think things will start making more sense (in terms of the practical stuff) when you start going through her stuff.  She probably left plenty of trails to follow.  Also, this organizing will help you get through some really difficult days so you can grieve properly in the future.

Right now, you're in shock.  Use that.  Use the shock to deal with the stuff you need to do.  Then, when the grief sets in for real, feel it.  Get down in it.  Talk about it, cry about it, scream about it, freak out about it.  Feel those emotions because that grief is what will help you move on with your life.  Be flexible--when the grief hits you hard, let it hit you.  The rest of the time, stay busy and deal with the practical stuff.

It's gonna be hard.  For a long time.  It won't ever be OK.  But it'll get better and you can have a good life if you put the work into it.  I dealt with the death of somebody very important to me with therapy, and that might help you, too.  Sometimes, community mental health centers will have grief counseling, workshops, and social workers to help you with these things, and it's worth checking out.

Ask for help and take it.  Don't worry about taking help.  One day, when you're stronger and feeling better, you can help somebody else, but right now, you have a lot to deal with and you need help.

And don't forget to eat properly and exercise as directed to stay healthy while you're pregnant.  Drink plenty of healthy fluids.  Try really hard to relax.  It's OK to take your mind off what happened sometimes, because you'll go crazy if that's all you focus on.  Try to find some balance.  Take it a minute at a time to start, then work up to five-minute plans, then ten-minute.  Then try fifteen, twenty minutes at a time.  Don't take on long-term responsibilities just yet--get through today and the next day and the day after that.

Good luck and bright blessings to you and yours.

Answer 9

its alright....your mom will help you as she leaves the world..

she wont let her child live in such a miserable life....

she will protect you even though your so in pain and stress now

just keep working and watch your baby carefully

dont do anything bad...one day you will find your dad

and wheres your husband....go live with him and both of you guys take care of the baby....both of you guys work and pay the bills together

Answer 10

I am sorry that your mom died. My best friends mom died a year before she got pregnant. It was hard on her too. You need to PRAY PRAY PRAY! God is the only one who can help you through it. And how is it that your fiance doesn't knnow? Did it just happen today? You need to just tell him. It's obviously going to be known when you go to a funeral. Good luck girl! God is the only way to get through anything like that.

Answer 11

First off i am so sorry. And while i can't completely understand, i know it must hurt. A friend of mine just went through his mother's murder. some advice? Don't try to 'deal' right now. Let it out. Tell your fiance. that will make you feel much better. cry on a friends shoulder or your Fiancee.After that, start getting ready for your baby. it's life is what's most important now. You and your fiancee will get through this. :) If you need to talk to someone feel free to IM or email me. I  might know exactly how you feel, but i know it's confusing and stressful and very sad. good luck

Answer 12

You'll find a way to get on.  Start talking to the company's your mom recieves bills from.  You might have to cancel some luxeries that you had.  Talk to a bank about your mothers bank accounts.  Find out if she had a will or not.  It's so great that you're pregnant.  Do what you have to so that your baby will be happy.  And definately talk to your fiancee.  I'm sure he'll understand.  He only wants to help you!