My mom keeps telling me that I am a shallow narcissistic *****... It's getting to me, I need help, please?

Question

The thing is that i used to be considered a major nerd in school and nobody ever liked me because I was an obnoxious know-it-all. The thing is was that I just put that up because I thought "Oh, they stereotyped me, I might as well become a nauxious nerd, since I am that bad. What do I care?" The thing is that I always knew that it shouldn't matter, cos I am a good person, but we have to admit that even the least shallow people like to feel like they look good. I always felt ugly, had a unibrow, greasy hair... I realised I deserve better, so I got a part time summer job, bought clothes, make up, starting doing my hair (this happened over the past three years), but I still am a straight A student! Obviously I care about school, it's important to get an education, I just think that I can balance it with taking care of yourself as well... For me, the perfect day would be just lying on the couch, watching tv and eating. And this summer, having a job, I don't get that very often. So when I do, I lie around, watch stuff like Top Model, Project Runway, Entertainment Now, Ellen Degeneris and all that... I have a right... And now my mom always keeps telling me that I've become a shallow ***** and is all about shopping, doing my hair and watching shallow tv-shows. Apparently, I don't help around the house and I am absorbed in my own little world of glamour... But that's not true! I get up in the mornings to clean up the entire kitchen and do it in the evenings too when my parents finished dinner and watch the news or something .It's just that nobody notices. ANd now I hear my mom constantly telling me that I do nothing, I am lazy and shallow and love myself way too much. How is that supposed to make me want to come home in the evenings and help around and spend time with them? My mom says that I am one of those people that once I make it into showbiz (that's my dream area of profession - movie director, actress or designer), I will become a rich snob and ignore all my family, because that's how shallow and self-absorbed I am.

It's really starting to get to me. I don't want to show it, because I want to be stronger than that, but as soon as I am alone, I can't stop crying and any little thing can trigger more tears. I try to ignore it, but I live with these comments every single day. Have I really become shallow? Am I that bad? Is watching all these shows involved with fashion making me a worse and more superficial person? I can't handle it. I feel hated, unwanted and like I am a horrible person. Somebody, just help in any way please...

Answer 1

Welcome to being a teenager.  Parents say the strangest things.  Just sounds like your mom is seeing a change in you, and neither of you have had a conversation over it. Instead of the pity party have a talk with her get on terms so you both understand each other.

Answer 2

just ignore her seriously

watching tv wont change you

thats like saying watching a bunch of serial killers will make you become one

just ignore the comments lol and only u know if ur shallow  

Answer 3

I think you should become a rich snob and ignore your mom!!!

Answer 4

Your mom is verbally abusive. There is no call for such language, I don't care what you do or don't do. You're just a teenager. Making you feel bad about yourself is uncalled-for and unnecessary. It serves no worthwhile purpose.

Your crying is mostly anxiety. She is cutting you to the quick. Maybe she feels like she doesn't know you any more. The new-you is someone she doesn't know how to handle. She doesn't know what to make of it. Image is important, but it's not everything. Who you are and what you make of it means everything.

Maybe you have become a bit obsessive about it. Maybe you are overdoing it. That's not so bad and it's not the end of the world. To make it in show business you need a resume, you need to get out there and make them notice you. You need exposure so they can see what you're capable of. What can you do? What are you good at? What kind of theater do you want to do? Have you ever been to an audition? Have you ever been on stage?

She seems to be afraid you will forget her. She wants you to stay in touch and be good to her in her old age. Who wouldn't? Maybe she's worried about you. It's a tough profession and most actors are unemployed. Few actually do succeed. And she sounds like she is very dependent on your kindness to help her around the house. She has always taken you for granted. It happens to everyone.

She wants you to succeed but she's torn. You need to stop reacting. She's making it harder for everyone by creating so much tension. Moving out on your own is hard enough as it is. You need to trust that everything will work out all right. She needs to calm down and unfortunately you can't do it for her. She has empty-nest syndrome.

You need to keep moving forward. You can't stand around and solve everyone's problems. Maybe watch TV with them and watch their programs. Talk with them about it. Reach out, but talk about them and not yourself. That could help a lot. But don't solve anything and don't ask unless they bring it up. And move on.

If you want to be in the business, make your plans and get on with it. Do it gradually and keep them informed. Maybe your parents would like to help out? It might make it easier to make the transition. You could let them know how much you appreciate them. They will always be your parents.

Hang in there. It will be all right. You can do this. This is all about worry. You still need to move on. One step at a time.

I hope this helps you.

Answer 5

id get you and your mom into therapy because name calling doesn't help anyone. those shows don't exactly change you but they can influence your behavior. i had a friend who went the same way and she became SO into that pop culture/fashion type stuff that it ruined her relationships with everyone. so you have to look at yourself and figure it out.

but yea you and mom need to see someone about the insults thats not healthy either way.

Answer 6

teenagers

Answer 7

its because you are a shallow narcissistic *****. seriously grow the **** up

Answer 8

Alright I'm going to try and help you the best I can. I'm only 16 so, here goes. There is nothing wrong about caring for your image. It's a good thing. Nobody wants to look like they just got out of bed in the morning at school. You're a girl, and high school girls worry about how they look and what they're going to wear. It's totally normal. Every girl at school I know is like this! Don't freak out! I think it's totally awesome that you took up the responsibility to get a job and improve yourself.

But looks aren't everything. It's the person inside, and from what you've said you're a good person. Congrats on straight A's! I wish I could do that! And about watching TV? I know a really, really pretty girl in high school that gets straight A's and is in the gifted program. She watches The Hills and Project Runway along with Scrubs all the time. Like I said before, a lot of the girls I know are into these shows. Heck, I even watched half a season of Project Runway and I'm a straight dude. (I wanted Santino to win).

I took a lot of criticism from my mom until she left. She would tell me the same exact things it seems like.

"All you do is sit there watching TV or on the computer! You never help out at all! You know what, you're banned from your computer and the TV!"

Yeah well, it may have been true at the time, but now I wash the dishes twice a day, vacuum, feed the pets, take out the trash, and fold the laundry.

I think we have some things in common, because I want to be a director and go into the entertainment area as well. That is awesome, and I'm sure that you can do it, with your work ethic. I got a call from the Film School Full Sail in Orlando. Maybe you should check that out.

Those fashion shows DO NOT make you a superficial person. They're educational too, because you want to become some sort of designer. You can pick up the lingo and terminology from that show. I don't see a problem in it.

We all feel hated, unwanted, and horrible at times. But from what I know, talking with people and praying to God works the best. You should talk to some people from your church, or if you don't go to church, find someone who does. Preferably a non-denominational church. Talk it out... that's the ultimate help. But I'm no preacher.

But if you're mom is finding that you're lazing around too much, then maybe you should schedule your day so that you can compromise working and free time, so that they're isn't as much conflict during your day. Sit down and tell your mother that you've become sensitive to her hurtful comments, and that you want to work something out. If you love her (I hope so) tell her that. Give her a hug. Work it out maturely.

When you're a famous designer/director/actress we'll have to  contact each other and make a film! I know I'd be up for it!  

Answer 9

Your mother sounds like the horrible one. Try not helping around the house for a while, see if she notices the difference. Also try recording your shows and watching them when she's not around, and ditto with the other things she criticises you for. Maybe try watching the news when your parents are watching and take more of an interest in world events and whatnot. This is pretty obvious stuff I guess but from the sounds of it she's the problem here and not you, so all you can really do is do thing to try to avoid the conflict.