My mom left in the past and she wants to meet what do I do?

Question

I can't believe i'm on here asking but I needed to hear a few opinions. Tragically I am in need of a heart transplant, and if I don't get that the doctors say that I will die. I've been given only a small handful of months. I pray that a donor will surface. Anyways...my mother was out of the picture for about 14 years. I'm 17 now. When my dad and I found out about all this my father tracked down my mother and told her that there's a good chance that this year is my last. She wants to meet me. I don't know what to do. Should I meet her? My instinct is to not meet her. She cheated on my dad when I was a kid and told him to take me and go. It took my possible death to bring her to me? I used to dream about what she was like and why she left her own kid... I have no idea what to do next. Call her, meet her in person...how does this work? Does she deserve to even know me? If I do die, I prefer to never know the woman that was never a mother to me. What if she lets me down? Breaks my heart and then I wave goodbye to life...?

Answer 1

I think you should meet her.  You don't want to spend your last days wondering if you made a mistake.  I do want to add that I hope you get your transplant and recover fully!  Best of luck.

Answer 2

forgive god bless hope you get a heart soon ill pray  

Answer 3

God Bless you i will be praying for you. I think that you should  meet her .  I  did not meet my father until i was 16 years old. My father and mother divorced and he moved out of  state .  I forgave him for not being in my life and decided life is to short that everyone deserves a second chance. Its the best decision i made. I am 37 now and he is  still in my life and we talk every week.

Answer 4

I say find out if she's a match for a transplant and rip her heart out of her chest. JOKING!

Honestly.. it's really up to you. These are possibly your last months of life and you can do with them what you want. If you do meet her don't have too many expectations. That's the way you'll get your heart broken. It is good to resolve these issues before you die but only if you want to. You don't owe her anything.  

Answer 5

Hmmm..well..that's a really terrible thing that she did..I'm 17 as well so I guess I can see your point of view. But under the circumstances, I think you should meet her. She IS your mom, and I bet she'd feel terrible if something happened to you before she got to see you. Even though she may deserve it, I think you should agree to see her. And if you want, ( you probably will ) you should tell her what you think of her and everything she's done. You're probably going through a lot having to meet with her, and if you're honest with her, then it's about time she faces the consequences. Btw..i really hope you get that transplant :(

Answer 6

I hope that this isn't your last chance to meet her, but if it is, I saw take the shot. You don't have to hug her or call her mom, but i'm sure there is a question or two you have that you can ask calmly, and here is that chance.

Life with regrets isn't much of a life, but in the end, follow your gut feeling.

(I am very sorry for your situation, and I am not a religious man, but for what it is worth, I will pray that you get a new heart)

Answer 7

Wow,you are so young to be in both of these situations.I am very sorry for both of them.The thing about your mom this is only a choice you can make.I believe that you should follow your instinct.I am a mother and I became a mother pretty young in my life and I could never imagine leaving my children and not looking back for 14 years there is no excuse,but you might die and no matter good or bad you should say the things to her that you feel you need to say.You deserve to.I don't blame you for not wanting to as I am sure there is much anger there.It's not like she tracked you down either b/c then I think it would be different.

If you knew for sure that you only had that time left would you try to find her?Live like your dying,do all the things that you have always wanted to do,go all the places you have always wanted to go,treat everyday like it is your last because it may be.Be strong.Love hard.

Answer 8

Wow, I really don't know what to say...I feel so bad! Well, maybe your mom changed, sometimes parents leave their children (which by the way, is impossible to forgive.) And if you think this would be your last chance to meet her, you really need to. And let her know how you could never forgive her, but you still love her. <---THAT is what is needed to be said. Good luck on the transplant, if I could help, I swear I would. :(

Answer 9

What would  happen if you met her and accepted that yes this is my mom and she is pretty flaky and who knows what she will do (leave again, bring her 10 other children, talk to the devil through the heel of her shoe,smell bad, etc) so you prepare to accept how she is and what stupid behaviors she does because you want to see her? See what she is like?  Not expecting an instant Leave It to Beaver Mom?  I saw my biological dad when I was 13 and he was flaky and tried to fix me up with his 21 year old neighbor.  But I was glad I met him and hung out with him a couple of times, I do understand  him as a person- that he was not capable of being a father-  and so reached a serenity about it.  If you meet your mom it will be for you not because she wants to meet.

About your heart I am very sorry but from experience with my mom getting a lung transplant you never know what is going to happen!  My mom had about 12 years of really tough living on oxygen and emergency visits and then received a transplant that has changed her life and everyone around her.  I hope that for you also sweetheart.  And remind any one reading this to make sure to mark that you are an organ donor.  I wish you serenity

Answer 10

I say meet her.  I met my dad and I never regretted it even though our relationship didn't work out.  Something down inside me feels different and for that reason it was totally worth it.

Answer 11

ONE THING YOU NEED TO DO IS LEARN TO FORGIVE--MY FATHER DID THE SAME THING TO ME MANY YEARS AGO--WHEN I WAS 13 HE WALKED BACK IN MY LIFE AFTER HIS WIFE FOUND OUT ABOUT ME AND DIVORCE HIS TRIFFLING ***.....HE NEVER SAID HE WAS SORRY AND HE STILL TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK BUT I HAVE TO LOVE HIM AND FORGIVE HIM FOR MYSELF SO I CAN MAKE IT TO HEAVEN....DON'T LET HOLDING ON TO THE PAST STOP YOU FROM SEEING GOD----GO AND SEE HER IF SHE IS NOT WHAT YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE PART WAYS AND LET IT GO---I'M GOING TO PRAY THAT GOD BLESS YOU WITH A NEW HEART BUT ENJOY THE TIME YOU HAVE!!!!!

Answer 12

Wow. That's tough. Maybe she's changed over the past fourteen years. Obviously, she does want to meet you. Maybe you could start out by talking on the phone with her. That might break the ice. Some people leave their kids based on the fact that made a mistake or they are dealing with so much, they just don't want a reminder. They want a fresh start..as much as possible. I think you should give it a shot. At least you have your dad still around.

Answer 13

WOW... first, let me say that you are amazing for even thinking about meeting your mom when you are so sick. I'm a critical care nurse and I know how you must be feeling physically right now....

But, my mom was in a similar situation as you as her parents were divorced when she was very young.  40 yrs later they were reunited... my mom just looked her name up in the phone book and called her.  There had been lots of lies, exaggerations, etc...  A year later she died from cancer.  So, we had one year.... and we felt the amazing grace of forgiveness and understanding.  

I am sure your dad is a great guy... I mean he tracked her down and everything.  Your health will not change if you meet your mom, but you might find something you have been missing your whole life.

As a mom, I can't imagine how anyone turns their back on their babies.  I don't understand how my grandmother, or your mother could look at themselves as "real" women... but as an adult, I realize was not in their shoes,  so I cannot judge them.

Don't think of this as a gift to your mom, try to think how much you have missed her and what it might feel like to hug her, hold her hand, look in her eyes and ask her all of those questions you have been keeping inside.  Even if it's just a day, you will know you had the opportunity to ask... and if she doesn't show, you will have lost nothing.. but she will have lost everything- again.  

Best of luck, I hope a donor finds you soon! xo

Answer 14

Im really sorry about your heart thats really sad :(

There really isnt any excuse for the things she did and itll be hard to forgive. Your mother must be really hurting and suffering inside. It might be a fair idea to meet up with her so you can see her face and see what shes experiencing . You could tell her about your feelings and so could she.