My mom puts me down doesn't allow me to date?

Question

and I am going on 20 and have been secretly dating a guy in college who is really sweet and we are serious about each other, we've been dating for almost a year and we love each other and have plans for each other. When ever she asked me about him she says you better not be anything more than friends I would not accept that and she makes me feel bad about myself and puts me on guilt trips and it's almost like she hates men and wants me to be alone all my life. I was depressed all last year before I met my first boyfriend and I would cry my eyes out and all she would do is watch me and do nothing and make it worse by argueing with me then I decided to get away from home as much as possible and took a lot of classes at college and met my boyfriend and she continues to do things to constrict me from seeing him and put me in a bad mood so my boyfriend has to see me go through that and it's so aweful and horrible and I hate it and don't know what to do because I live with her and I can't afford to be on my own yet. And she's met my boyfriend 6 times already and she didn't even like him if we were friends and she tries to tell her friends who have grandsons about me to get me to go on a date with them when I think she is aware I am in love with my boyfriend and he is a really nice guy, he saw her one time and walked up to her and waved hi and tried talking to her but she just ignored him and talked on her cell phone. I like my boyfriend a lot and he takes good care of me. I feel so overwhelmed what can I do?

and he is a wonderful guy, he was on the dean's list, gets good grades, he wants to teach someday and is serious about school, he works, he's very polite and attentive to me and I love him so much. Despite all this she won't give him a chance or let me date yet. I feel one day if he proposes to me then she'll find out really late and it'll be too late and she is so controlling so that's why I won't tell her she would try and feel my mind with doubts with him and he doesn't make much now but we both will make enough when we have our degrees and careers.

Answer 1

"My mom puts me down doesn't allow me to date?

and I am going on 20"

Whoa.

Did your mom say exactly what it is she doesn't dig about this guy?

EDIT: Are you paying for college? If so you might think about financial loans and do the dorm thing.

And then lie (after the loan gets approved to a PO box/alt address) and say this is your last year at school and you're heading out to "the real world" to get her off your back/play devil's advocate to see where her headspace actually is.

You pack all night and next day, & when she works the next day, you bail. That stops any control attempts.

Then you tell dorm security your mom is potentially dangerous and you don't want her in your dorm.

And that's that. If she's a not a freak, you'll come to terms. If she is, that'll be your cross to bear, but at least you'll know exactly what's up.

Answer 2

Although you need to respect your mom especially if you are still living under her roof, you are 20 and are allowed to date if you want to. Its not as if you are a teenager anymore.

She seems to be having trouble 'letting go' of you.

What would she do if she found out you were actually dating this guy she things its your friend?

Would she go as far as kicking you out ?

Maybe it is time to move out. My mum was very over protective of me, and I knew she did it cause she cared about it, but it was really affecting my social life, so I moved out & now we get along so well.

Maybe you are just to have to move out to show your mum that you are no longer a little girl, and that she cant keep controlling you like this.

Answer 3

WOW. im sorry about ur situation!

but i mean your old enough to make your own decisions. and besides here when you're 18 you could just not care about your parents.

i think what you should do is talk to your mom why she hates your boyfriend. and ask her what she wants for you then maybe you will understand more why she is putting you up to this.

but you have to stand up for yourself it might get ugly when you guys talk and she might eveb get really mad about you. but you know how parents are they want everything thats good for us. but sometimes what they dont know is that no one could get everything they want and trying to achieve that goal would just hurt themselves and others.

im happy for you that you found you're love! just hope you momm would accept him...well maybe someday she will!

good luck!

Answer 4

ask her what her specific problem is with him. if she gives you a good reason, then take it into consideration, but if she says someting like "I just tont have a good feeling about him" then go on seeing him. she can't control your life and if she's making you this miserable then maybe you should stop seeing her.

Answer 5

You need to make a plan to move out.  Your mom is way too invovlved in your life.  After you become an adult parents move to an advisory role.  If she cannot accept that, she has some personal work to do herself.  

In the mean time, I would not tell her.  I would continue sneaking around, and I would lay down the law as far as what kind of interactions are appropriate and what kind are not.  End any conversation in which she is putting you down and controlling.  You do not have to take that.  

Try to find a better job, a few roommates and a place to rent.  Your mom needs some boundaries.  Do not let her push you around.

Answer 6

Your mom's even more controlling then mine. I didn't think that was possible. You need to tell her that you are an adult and that you can make your own decisions. This guy sounds great. Hold onto him and make sure you don't let your mom bring you down. Good luck.

Answer 7

grow some nerves and stand up to her.

just be like.

MOM. IM ALMOST 20 AND YOU STILL WONT LET ME HAVE  A BOYFRIEND. ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME GROW UP ALONE LIKE A CAT LADY WITH NO LIFE. then say.  I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME. AND DONT TELL ME I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE. WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND IF YOU DONT ACCEPT THAT. THAT SUX FOR YOU.

hope i was of help.  

Answer 8

youre nearly 20 tell your mom to mind her buisiness

Answer 9

I just read up till you said "im nearly 20" like dont listen to ur mom, its not her life.  

Answer 10

dont ever mary a first bf/gf  and ur mom isnt ur bosds

Answer 11

Um, move...out? Or...don't? Doesn't really sound like a problem worth eating up Y!A bandwidth.

Answer 12

Since you are still dependent on your mums support for accommodation etc. You have to abide by her rules I guess till you can be independent and work and support yourself. You can make your own choice and marry this guy who you love. But has he proposed to you yet. Beware, sometime they just fool around and dump you.

Answer 13

If your living on campus not really much she can do about it, plain and simple. Don't worry about here. Just remember that school is a priority overall, don't let anybody get in the way of that. Having plans for the future with the guy is nice and all, but I can say from experience(I've been in a few long term relationships), people come and go. Focus on school so you can do it right the first time.  

Answer 14

You are 20!

Dont let your mom rule your life!

and dont let her bully and effect you just focus on the things that are important to you your boyfriend, college

she will come around one day