My mom said I should be ashamed for putting up with some of the things my husband pulls. Isn't marriage til?

Question

death do you part? None of us are perfect.

Answer 1

Dear Flora,

You don't specify what your husband is pulling, but there are some things that are beyond the bounds of tolerable behaviour:  adultery, physical abuse, drug and alcohol abuse are all deal breakers - you are not working with someone who cares about you if any or all of those things are present in your marriage.  Anything else can be worked out if both parties are mature.  

If his bad behaviour is hurting you, talking to you Mom is the last thing you should do.  She doesn't love him and any little infractions that come up between the two of you will make her angry with him for hurting you.  I know I would be the same if my son-in-law treated my daughter badly.  I would tend to hold that grudge because I don't love him the way my daughter does.  Perhaps, when you need a shoulder to cry on, you might go to a good friend and not your Mom.

Good luck, hon, every relationship has its bumps.  

Answer 2

you didn't vow to be abused

Answer 3

I was brought up death til you part. However both people need to be committed to the relationship. I was divorced 5 years ago and know I made the right decision. He was a nice guy, but not to me. Nobody is perfect and I don't blame my ex for everything. But people do change and if one is not committed til death it will fall apart.

Answer 4

That depends on what he pulls.  Sure its noble of you to accept his flaws.  It's foolish if you bend over backwards and ignore harmful behavior.  Since I don't know which is going on, why don't you ask her what she finds offensive and work from there?  If it's something petty, you don't have to worry.  If it's serious like she feels he is emotionally abusive or destructive, take her seriously.

Answer 5

exactly

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 6

Don't tell your mom things about your marriage anymore.  Mothers tend to be overly protective and also very judgmental.  If you feel you can put up with certain things it is really none of her business (unless you are showing up with black eyes... in which case she still shouldn't tell you you need to be "ashamed").

Answer 7

i'm not sure that telling your mom everything is such a good idea.  i know i don't want to know everything that goes on in my daughter's marriage.  it would upset me too much and i'd probably say something that would make matters worse.

marriage are the vows you exchanged.  i'm sure they were along the lines of 'to love, honor and cherish', not to be abused, cheated on and mistreated.

Answer 8

Hitting you is not forgivable,for example. If he does something that hurts you, and he keeps on doing it, even though he knows it hurts you ( KNOWS, not should know) that's a deal breaker for me.

Answer 9

tell her 2 mind her own life u got yours. don't tell her your buisness & she can't make remarks about it.

Answer 10

It really depends on what he does. Cause some things you should never have to put up with.  

Answer 11

It is a lifetime commitment, but at the same time, some acts are unforgivable. If there is constant cheating, or abuse, then by definition the marriage is already over. It says to love, honor, and cherish (my father in law just got married and his vows also said to protect his wife). If they are cheating they aren't honoring you and if they abuse you, they don't love and cherish you, they control you.

I don't know what your husband does, so I don't know why your mother is so against him.