My mom was being mean to me -and my friends!

Question

I'm 13. One of my sisters (9) always follows my friends and I arround. So last night I had a sleepover with 2 of my friends. We were all sitting by the pool texting guys. This is after in my room talking to my sister for a good hour. My sister sits right in between my 2 friends. she starts kicking the water so the phones are getting wet. We get up and move over. We still talk to her, but just from across the pool so we/are phones don't get soaked. I guess my mom must have been watching us through the window, and supposably she saw we weren't with her. My mom comes out saying, "I'm disappointed in all 3 of you!". Then she starts SCREAMING at my friends and I about how we are "brats" and "should be ashamed of ourself". She thought we were treating my sister bad, and my sister didn't think it, but totally fed into it once she knew that my mom thought she was upset. Then she proceeded to tell me, in front of my friends mind you, how I need to "make better friends". Then after they left in the morning I got my phone taken away.

Now my friends are seriously afraid to come over here. They don't want to be treated like a peice of c**p. I don't either. I feel like I am disliked. I cried in my bed all day. I just feel horrible. How do I approch my mom? Would you ever do this to your daughter?

Answer 1

you should sit down with her and explain the whole story. and make her appologize to your friends . then tell your sister she wont ever hang out with you again if she doesnt confess the truth .

Answer 2

I would ask your sister if she was upset that you guys moved away from her at the pool if she says no then ask her way she didn't tell your mom that there was nothing wrong. sometimes parents over react when they think someone is bullying our kids even when it's our own kids. let her know that mom yelled at her  for no reason and you need her help to make it right. I would also talk to your mom let her know that it hurt your feelings and your friends feelings the way she reacted she needs to understand that you weren't being mean to your sister.  

Answer 3

There was a group of people, you and your two friends, and your 9 year old sister.   The sociable thing to do, the polite and considerate thing to to do, would be to find an activity that the whole group, all four of you, could enjoy.  What you chose to do was to engage in an activity that included only your 2 friends, and excluded your sister.   This created conflict in your family.  It might be a learning experience for you to consider that.  You were less than considerate, it caused conflict, and the results were unpleasant.  

This is one of the downsides of texting.   The people that you are with, the people who are there in the room with you, often feel excluded and disrespected while you are ignoring them and texting.    

When you are in a group, you should try to engage in activities that everyone in the group can participate in and enjoy.   This is a lesson that a mother will try to teach her kids, and that many kids simply don't want to learn, because the concept of being "polite" to a little sister seems pretty foreign.

Your Mom should not have screamed or called you names.   You should not have deliberately excluded your little sister, by deliberately forming a little group in front of her and excluding her from it.   You should apologize to your sister, and then to your mother, and then, when your mother is calmer, tell her that you feel that she owes you and your friends an apology for screaming and calling your names.  

In future, it might be a good idea to suggest that your sister invite a friend or two over when you have friends over, so that she will have something else to occupy her.  Then, you just have to learn to discretely send them off on "adventures" without them realizing that you're getting rid of them, or let them think they are locking YOU out.   Big Sister 101.

update: I just read your comments, and it does sound like your Mom is having some problems.  Have you considered asking her how she is feeling, encouraging her to sit down and you'll bring her whatever she needs, offering to do something to help, like dishes or laundry?   Maybe if you can show you are concerned about how she feels, and get her to talk to you, she might share some of what is bothering her.  Maybe she is depressed or going through menopause.  You might then be able to suggest that she talk to her doctor.  Hormone therapy or anti-depressant might make a world of difference.

Answer 4

Sounds like your mom, quite frankly, is dumb

You need to approach her, her small little mind needs to expand and know that, as a mother should, that she should investigate the situation a little further rather than act like a dumb c u nt in front of your friends. She has no right to act that way to someone else's child.

Answer 5

That is just ridiculous. I would never yell at my daughters friends, I feel that it is up to their parents, and I have no right to do that. Unless they were seriously harming my children. Maybe your mom was just having an off day. I know it's hard to understand, but us moms have bad days. She shouldn't have yelled at you or your friends. I really don't know to to help you with this, considering I would have never acted that way, but maybe just try talking to her. Little sisters are hard, I know, I had 8 of them. Just talk to your mom, and ask her if she will apologize to your friends, because that really wasn't right of her to do, whether she was having a bad day or not.

Im not trying to get ideas in your head, but if she ever seriously hits you, and mentally abuses you, you need to tell someone other than on the internet. It starts with small things, and eventually just gets bigger.

Answer 6

you should have your mom go over to the computer and read your question. Maybe then she will understand what happened...

Answer 7

I wouldn't have said anything in front of the friends, but there are several things that are wrong here- and not all of them you.

1. Your younger sister should have understood that you are older and don't want her tagging around every minute when you have friends over. Someone needs to explain this to her. I'm sure you don't go dogging behind her and her 9 year old friends, so the same respect needs to be given to you, especially since there is quite an age difference between 9 and 13.  You could have just said to your younger sister  "I'd really like to hang out with just my friends right now, but tomorrow maybe you and I can do something together."  

2. At 13 you shouldn't be texting guys with or without your friends, so in that respect, yes, you should lose your phone for awhile.  Those kinds of things only lead to trouble for everyone concerned. A phone is a responsibility not a toy and should be used for situations when you need a ride home or have an emergency out somewhere. Your mom is probably mad because you acted irresponsibly with it.

3. Your mom is wrong for making an issue and saying some of the things she did in front of your friends. I can understand if she misunderstood the situation but it was a total over reaction her part.  She should have waited until your friends went home and then talked to you about it when she was calmer.  

4.  Your sister, I'm sorry to say, is learning to work a situation in her favor by turing on the water works or playing the victim when someone thinks she is.  It only makes things worse when they don't need to be and it leads to one thing- spoiled brat syndrome.  I'm surprised your parents don't pick up on this and put a stop to it.  

What you need to do now is talk to your mom now that you've both calmed down a little bit and explain what really happened in the situation. Ask her to call your friends and ask them what happened if she doesn't believe you.  Admit that the phone was handled a bit irresponsibly and can you prove to her you can be more responsible with it somehow.  This entire things sounds like a big misinterpretation of events and has made a big misunderstanding come of it.  I would also call and apologize to your friends if necessary to let them know it's not their fault and when you get together for awhile do so at their house so your mom can have a break from it and not be so stressed out.  Give it a few weeks and then let it blow over. Your friends will come around and realize that your mom over reacted and that this is not normal.  You'll be back to hanging out at your house again soon.These things have a way of blowing over.

Answer 8

you should ask your mom what is wrong. has she ever been this way towards you before?? if not, then talk to your dad or grandmother or grandpa. she could have some medical condition. bi-polar, depression etc. these are all treatable so dont freak out, but she has to be treated if it is the case. and im sorry, but an adult would be the one to get her to go to the doctor. she also might not know how to handle you growing up-you are 13. you aren't 5 anymore and she might be having a little trouble with that. if this isn't your moms normal behavior, tell an adult. if it is something that she has always done, then you should talk to her, then tell an adult. no one should call their children names like that. then again, if this is the one and only time she did this, she might have not felt good and been in a horrible mood. if that is the case, then you need to tell her how you feel about the way she treated you and how it was undeserved.good luck. i have 2 13 yr olds, boy & girl and 8 year old boy.- i mentioned the depression  because that is how it starts. behavior that isn't usual for that person to exhibit.

and by the way-it was very nice of you to involve your sister. but you shouldn't have to involve her every time. you need to have your own space and friends. those gilrs weren't there to spend time with your 9 yr old sister. i have a rule at my house. when the kids have guests over, they can play together all they want, but when they are ready for friend time, the siblings have to back off. it is kind of like your sister going into your room when you tell her not to. you need your own friends, space. she im sure has her own. i also have 3 siblings.

Answer 9

wow thats ****** up tell your mom like it is like why would you do that to me how would you feel if your friends came over and i called you the "worst mom ever" how would she feel..... tell her it was rude and tell her what really happen and tell your sister 2 talk 2 her 2 and say what happend let the know you are serious and that you were really hurt by what happend...