My mother and father in laws are interfering to much. why?

Question

they come up every thursday night at 7 and stay till 10 the've got a key so if were not in they let themselves in. my partner was married before and got three kids with his ex wife his dad thinks hes the GAFFA of our house and the family they are 60 PLEASE HELP my partner thinks this is ok.

Answer 1

I had a problem with "pushy" inlaws 30 years ago.  I was in my 30's when I married my husband.  I had to be very firm in telling them how it is in our house.  They were not going to run our lives.  The fact that your partner thinks this is okay is difficult.  I hope you can get this settled before it escalates.

Answer 2

Well first off I would not let them have a key to the house. You have to sit your spouse down and tell him that them having a key is not acceptable to you. And maybe you could compromise on the visiting every thursday to every other thursday? Theres no way my in laws would have a key. And if they did have a key for emergencys or something, there would be rules with them having that key. But you need to talk to your husband and nip this in this bud. He may be content with this situation, but your not!!!  And there has to be a happy medium here. Because your feelings also count. Talk to him and try and compromise.

Answer 3

Coming to see their son and grandchildren for three hours a week is hardly interfering.

Answer 4

its what they are for...tell your partner, dotn talk to them yourself, you'll only start arguments and put your partner in an uncomfortable choosing position. good luck x x x

Answer 5

Let your husband know that your bothered by them having to have a key to your house. I mean they are not thieves...but how would they like it if you always came over their house once a week with the kids, and you also had a key and would let yourself in even if they weren't home. I would definitely change the locks and if they ask make sure your husband answers them, without putting you on the spot.

Answer 6

its not good. it is alway to have a balance relationship. indirectly you can hint these things to stop the same without having any bitternes in relationship

Answer 7

you surely must have known this before marrying him, if you had problems with it shouldnt you brougth it up before marrying him

some of the main reasons marriages dont work out is money and differences in expectations

obviously you hit a point where you have different expectations

time for couple counceling to see if you can work past these things

Answer 8

You need to let your partner know it's not ok with you...it's not going to be easy to change their habit of arriving every week and turning the key in YOUR door, if your partner is not willing to do anything then sadly there isn't a lot you can do, you could arrange not to be there when they come...or you could just except that it's only 3 hours once a week. You really need to talk this whole thing through with your partner..don't fight about it just talk and try make him understand how you feel.

Answer 9

The one day a week thing isnt so bad but I would get your guy to tell them not to keep coming round and letting themselves in as imagine if you were walking around naked and they just walked in, how embarrasing would that be. You need your own privacy, dont tell them to give the keys back but tell him not you to tell them otherwise you'll look like the wicked witch of the west.x

Answer 10

I don't think once a week is interfering. The grandparents always want to be around. Your lucky, just think it could be like it on Everyone loves Raymond. Now that is some interfering in laws. I would suggest that they don't have a key to your house. That doesn't seem right, its you and your husbands house.  

Answer 11

You need to tell your partner this is not ok with you.

One way to get your other half to stop his parents letting themselves in is to be "occupied" <cough cough> with your partner just before 7pm on a Thursday.  I'm pretty certain that he won't want *that* to be interrupted!!!

You could always change the locks but that'd set you back £150 and chances are, he'll just get keys cut and hand them over....

Answer 12

thats what in laws do

i would change the locks and tell my husband not to give them another set

Answer 13

You must ask them for the key back...it is NOT ok for them to have a key...it is ok in my opinion for them to call round once a week...but NEVER to enter uninvited...if your husband will not ask for the key back then you will have to do it...just say "I'm a bit different to "Mike's" ex and I'm not comfortable with you having a key....dont take it personally but Id like the key back please..I just dont want to be surprised if Im not expecting visitors" if he wont give it back then change the locks...no kidding...get your power...its your house.

Answer 14

Tell your partner YOU don't like it. He shouldn't assume that the dynamics of this relationship is going to be the same as the last one.

While it's okay if they come once a week - and I think that's a good arrangement because you know when they'll be there, and can plan around this, thank your stars they don't just arrive whenever they feel like it, now THAT would be a really major pain in the proverbial - tell him you're not happy with the fact that they have a key and can just walk in. It's your home now, and he should respect this.

If he doesn't get it, start talking to the ex wife. There may be a good reason why she's now that ex.  

Answer 15

Once a week doesn't sound excessive. What do they do that's so bad?

You're still not explaining why they're so bad.  You're not going to get sensible answers if you only ask half a question..

Answer 16

They were given this control by your partner who now needs to take that control back.