My mother doing things I've told her not too with my 3 week old!!

Question

I have asked her repeatedly not to do things and she still does it when i'm not looking, like giving him a pacifier, handling him ways i don't think are safe. Today i left the house for maybe an hour and she gave him a bath without asking me. she put baby lotion all over him even though the hospital instructed us not too. shes 60 yrs old and not the brightest so it scared the c**p out of me! i'm really pissed at her and she keeps lying to me about things. Do you think i have a right to be pissed off? What would u do? i live with her so she is the only person that is around when i take a shower or take a nap. iactually stopped taking a nap because i can't trust her and the sleep deprivation is really starting to catch up with me.

Answer 1

I think you need to relax, she is your mother and she raised you.  You survived just fine.  Your baby will be just fine they are alot stonger and hardier than they look.  Nothing you mentioned here is going to harm him.

Answer 2

Hey, don't get sarcastic with us when we are trying to help YOU.  You never mentioned that apparently you have no friends that can watch it and you are not capable of a job.  

  

Answer 3

the things she are doing aren't going to harm your baby. yes, there are alot of things doctors tell us not to do now days with our babies but our parents did them with us and we made it just fine didnt we? you have to see where she is coming from. she is speaking from her own personal experience and not someone's 'advice'. we aren't lucky to be alive, those things they did just really werent as harmful as doctors try to make them out to be now days. i will agree there have been some big arguments between my mothe and i over how i want my daughter raised but i lived on my own so i had the option of telling her if she wasnt going to respect my wishes she couldnt watch the baby. you on the other hand, actually need her because you live with her so you dont have that option and you should have thought about that before you got pregnant while going to school and living at home.  

Answer 4

Oh my.  You're in a terrible position.  From reading your question, it's not just what she's doing with your wee boy, but the fact that you've asked her not to and she isn't listening to you. You have every right to feel the way you do, but if you are going to stay with her, then there needs to be a way to resolve the situation that is satisfactory for both of you.  You probably feel that she doesn't respect your wishes as the parent, but perhaps she feels that you don't have faith in her as your parent and as the baby's grandparent.  

I'm sure your mom thinks she's helping. She also probably feels that she knows better than you do, just because of her experience.  So in order to change things, it'll have to be done in a way that doesn't make her feel that you think she's incompetent.  In her mind, she raised you and your siblings and did fine.  So pick your battles.  Don't let everything become a battleground-not just for your son's sake, but for your sake.  You're dealing with all kinds of things, lack of sleep, hormones, wanting to do the best for your baby, etc.  And you have added pressure of college and living in a less-than-ideal situation.

For example, with bathing.  Maybe it would help  to put it another way.  "Mom, I'm concerned about you bending over the tub and trying to be safe with the baby.  Let's get a baby bath which can sit on a counter so you you can stand up and have everything right there".

Or "Mom, I know you think the baby needs a pacifier, but I'd like to try it without (or whatever you are thinking about it) because..."

You need your sleep.  I can hear the anxiety your feeling and sleep deprivation feeds that!  When my children were little, I tried to sleep when they slept.  I realize that doesn't always work, especially if you're also at college.  But, keeping yourself healthy and well-rested  is one of the most important things you can do for your newborn.

God bless you.  I'll be praying for you!

  

Answer 5

Try leaving her a lists of things not to do with him.  Tell her if she can't follow the rules, she won't be able to watch him.

Answer 6

If you can't trust her with your baby, and don't like how she is treating him, then you need to find a way to support yourself and move out!  Sorry, but you really don't have much ground to stand on.  

Answer 7

First off your attitude toward everyones answers has been poor. You had a child, you made that choice to do so without being in your own home. Your under someone elses roof. You have to live with that. Get over it.

West Nile? Don't give me that c**p. Maybe you need to be evaluated for PPD because who in there right mind brings up west nile virus.

Your lucky your mom doesn't kick you out of her home. You sound like a spoiled brat. Your story doesn't add up too well. An overweight 60 year old can swiftly wisk baby away while you pee? No. You stay home 24 hrs a day but your a college student? When do you go to school?

You can't change people at that age. Move out and be an adult.

Answer 8

Why do you live with her?  Honestly I would be really pissed and I would tell my mother until she could respect my parenting authority she cant see the baby.  However you live with her so you cant really do that.  You are in a tough place.  I would start looking for other living situations.

Answer 9

it is ridiculous anymore the things hospitals tell you not to do.

I have had five kids all of mine have had lotion on them since day 1 johnson and johnson baby lotion.

If you do not like the way mom does things do not leave your child with her.She isn't your maid service. I am raising my grand baby and i say if you don't like it dont leave the baby but you are in my house ...living w me still going out acting single im home at night i feed the baby i bathe the baby...mom cannot step in and pretend to be mom for hour a day?seriously!

You grew just fine ...did you not?

is it your house or hers?if it is your house then yes ...you can say how the rules go as long as you are there...you dont give much info?

why was there pacifier there if you dont want him to have one?throw it away.

Answer 10

I know how you feel, I left my 8 week old with my MIL and she tried to give him a bottle of water cuz he was "thirsty".  Luckily, my 10 year old stopped her.

Answer 11

You're getting upset because your mother takes your child a bath, puts lotion on him, gives him his pacifier and takes care of him???

You should be grateful your mother is even helping you! I am 35 weeks pregnant and my mother won't even talk to me...  

Answer 12

1st time mom, huh?  Well, first of all, I am sure plenty of babies have had their heads bumped...I know mine did, and it's not a terrible thing that she put lotion on him and yes, babies do need water...they get constipated too!  I know it is so hard to trust someone else with your baby but you cannot keep going at this rate.  As a mother who was also a college student when my kids were born, I can tell you that you HAVE to relax!  Try not to stress out over every little thing and be patient with her.  I am sure she would not intentionally harm your baby. Good luck, hun.

Answer 13

your mother had you and raised you so do you think its anything she would do intentally to hurt the baby and you really haven't named anything that would cause your child harm. I am 42 and mother of 2 a 20 and 13 year old and my mom and dad gave them a pacifier and put lotion on them after a bath and they are just fine. no matter how you feel never say your mom isn't the brightest because its a reflection of you. go to sleep your mom isn't going to kill your baby. the hospital only does that as a guideline not as law. if it was harmful it would not be on the shelf.

Answer 14

I wouldnt leave my daughter with anyone i didnt trust even if it was my mam. Yes id be peed off aswel, she should respect ur wishes and at 60yrs old i guess a lot of things have changed since she gave birth. If i was u id either move out or be with her at all times when shes near ur baby. Just remember ingle parents cope fine so its not as if u need her help. Whe u go in shower put ur baby in a bouncer in the bathroom i do and midwife said this was fine least u know baby is safe. As for sleep ul have to nap when baby does and do it in ur room and get a lock! Good luck but id say look for a new pad!

Answer 15

You might not want to hear this, but short of moving out of your mother's house, there may be nothing you can do.  I understand that you're frustrated, but that is no reason to be hostile at the people here on yahoo answers.  You asked everyone's opinion, so don't be mad when it doesn't coincide with what you wanted to hear.  If you're typically home for 24 hours a day, then why does your mother have the baby?  Whenever I leave the house, I take my daughter with me.  If I go to the bathroom, I take my daughter with me.  Whenever I get something to eat, I have my daughter with me.  I don't do these things because I enjoy having my daughter around me that much.  I love her, but frankly I wish I could take a s**+- without her looking at me.  However, that is the price we pay when we have kids.  I have a colicky daughter who likes to be held a lot.  What can you do?  Also, it is highly unfair for you to come on here and degrade your mother when she cannot defend herself.  Your mother is incompetent, yet you don't have your own place to live?  You live at her house, so obviously she is doing something right.  If you speak to your mother in the same way that you've responded to some of these people here today, then perhaps she's not hearing you because you're too abrasive.  Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it.  I know that this is your child, and that you feel passionate about their health and well being, but understand that she probably has the best intentions.  She probably feels the same way you do, and speaking to her with the respect that she deserves being not only your mother, but your provider as well might get you results (someone who lives with their mother and is at home 24 hours a day usually doesn't have a job).  Keep your head up...

Answer 16

Im sorry your mom does not respect your wishes. Please dont get so upset with all the others who are answering your questions and tryin to help. Some of us dont know teh WHOLE story, until you rant it back after the fact.

You know, we all sometimes, bump the babies heads on walls, doors, the floor, we dont mean to they are called ACCIDENTS. I really doubt she is doing those things to harm him on purpose. yes he shouldnt have water, wont kill him, if you dont want the binky's throw them away. Make sure the bottles get washed after every use. You know she is only trying to help you, she probably sees that you are really tired. And wants to take care of the baby while you rest. So you tried talking with her. Do it some more. We tell you everything that you should try , but yet it doesnt seem good enough.

I know you are a new mom and everything is all panic for you right now, but really most things are not gonna kill the baby. YOU did turn out fine, even tho she gave you tequila . c**p I grabbed a beer when I was 6 that was on the table and drank it. Im fine now and I dont drink. SoI know you wont like what I just said and Ill get thumbs down, but just relax a bit. Be lucky that she is giving you a roof over your head.

---EDIT--- Its clear there is no way for us to help you, you are saying we have a problem, that is not the case and you know it. You are being to harsh on your mom and us, and we are trying to help. Being a first time mom is difficult, we ALL have had issues of some sorts at one time or another, and trust me there will be plenty more in the years to come. One day when your son  is older and has a child , and MAYBE they  have to stay with you, and you do things for his child like you do for him now, and watch, he may not like your parenting ways. Cus god knows, by then everything we are SUPPOSE to do now...will all be the WRONG way in 25 years. Each generation changes. Your baby is going to be FINE! RELAX! Again . Noone knows your whole story , so dont get PISSY with them after they tried to help. and if ya dont like what we all have to say ...DONT ASK anymore!

I hope it all works out for you, your child and you Mother.

Answer 17

I would be pissed too. I think it's safe to get a little angry with her, even to her face. Certainly it's important to respect your parents, and she is helping you out a great deal, but he's your son, and you have specific ideas about raising him. It's bad enough having people giving you unsolicited advice outside of the home (or at least that's what I get with my daughter) without someone going against your wishes in your own home (or shared home). I think, if you explain to her exactly why you do not want this or that done, it might help her remember not to do it. I also think telling her how upset it makes you would make a big impact. If she's purposely ignoring your requests, that shows a serious lack of respect, and you have every right to be mad about that.  

Answer 18

So don't leave her alone with the baby. All new moms are exhausted, but you can get thru it especially if it involves the safety of your baby.

Answer 19

awww, i'm sorry! you definitely have the right to be upset.  Sit down have a 'conversation' with your mom. tell her you appreciate her help very much, but it's really important that she respect  your wishes and follow your instructions.  don't express any anger, don't raise your voice, don't get frustrated. if you are cool, firm and straightforward she will be much more likely to do as you wish.  Give her examples of things she's done against your wishes so she knows what you're talking about.

In the end, you're always going to have mothers/MILs doing things differently than you want.  Often it's just innocent mistakes or them trying to do best. But, since you're a brand new mom i'm sure it's really upsetting to you.  I used to refuse to nap because i didn't want my MIL doing certain things w/ my baby. not because I didn't trust her, but because I didn't like how she smothered my baby against her body and acted as if she was the mom.  We new moms can be slightly sensitive creatures, but, that's ok, it's our right.  good luck!!  and, if it's something that really bothers you and she just will not change then maybe you'll want to move out.  

Answer 20

Sorry to hear that I am expecting my first child within the next few weeks and I stay with my Mother now also.She's not as old as your mother but she is older and I think you just need to educate her about the proper way to do things by giving her a book or signing her up for a grand parenting class my mother thinks that she knows everything but alot of things our parents thought or think are safe from when we were children aren't today so just explain the reasoning to her  

Answer 21

don't let her near him unsupervised