My mother expects my child to stay. Should I put my foot down?

Question

I have my 2 year old daughter with me from Friday to Sunday. I always make sure she visits her grandmother to keep up their contact.

A few weeks ago, I had to work while she was here, so I stayed with her until bed time, put her to bed (at my mothers) and went to work.

Now my mother seems to expect this is a permanent arrangement. She does things like strip her off and dress her for bed before I leave. I don't mind her staying now and again, but I am consistently buying her favourite foods at home for her, which I don't get to cook etc.

Answer 1

I think it'd be a good idea for you to this whenever you have to work, but when you aren't working just drop in for a few minutes and tell your mom you have already made plans to spend some time alone with your girl this week end.

Answer 2

I think it's wonderful your daughter gets to spend time with grandma. You're divorced and have her for the weekend? That's already a great burden on a child. What is the harm of her spending the night at grandmother's house? I agree that it shouldn't be all the time because you want to spend time with your daughter. Why don't you invite your mom over to your house for visits? It's a tough situation and nothing will ever be perfect. Be kind when you speak to your mom about this. I think she just wants to help you out.

Answer 3

I would tell her, "When I pick my daughter up, she better not be dressed for bed and you better not be thinking that she's staying here with you. Because if you do, you can kiss these visits goodbye."  

Answer 4

You need to talk to your mother tactfully about this particular arrangement. You should stress that you're very grateful to her for helping you, and you would like to continue with this, for as long as the arrangement suits BOTH of you. Point out that there will be times when it doesn't suit you both, and that you'd like it to be possible for her to be able to do her thing as well. You could suggest that it's a one night a week thing, or something like that, so that both of you can be prepared.

Answer 5

Where is she during the week? It is time you spoke with your mother about this. Tell her that you don't get a lot of time to see her. make a schedule. perhaps twice a month she could stay at your mother's.

Answer 6

Perhaps "put your foot down" is a little strong.  Try asking your mother what she expects to happen next weekend. If she says that she expects her granddaughter to sleep over ask why she has that expectation.  Find out what your mother is thinking and why before you start "putting your foot down"  She might think that she is just being helpful.   Too often we react to what we precieve rather than what the other person is feeling - this is what causes hurt feelings and family fights.    Have this talk when your daughter is not around and early in the week so that both you and your mom have time to work things out between before the weekend.  It is lovely that your daughter has both a parent and a grandparent who want to spend time with her - don't mess that up for her.

Personal note:  Often grandparents seem to want to monopolize their grandkids but this is because they know from experience just how fast kids grow up and they want to cherise them before they become snotty teenagers!!

Answer 7

just  tell them

Answer 8

thank your mom and let her know you appreciate all the help but you really look forward to spending this time with your daughter.