My mother has no respect for me. All I get when I go visit is sarcasm and smartass remarks.

Question

I am 56 yrs old for pete's sake. I can hardly stand to go visit her, then if i stay away for a while, when I do go she says "Oh are you slumming today?!!!!" AGGHHH I could rip my hair out. My 2 brothers and sister and the whole extended family is afraid to stand up to her. She gets jealous if I go out to eat lunch with my Aunt, my mother's sister. Then she has nasty, mean hateful things to say about her own sister. I am the middle child and feel still like I was a huge mistake as my Great Aunt and Grandmother had me mostly when I was a baby.

How can I get through to her I will not come over anymore unless she quits treating me and everyone (except my darling sister and brothers) like c**p. She is horrible to my poor Dad. He is 81 yrs old and she hates every asthmatic breath he takes. I would have left her along time ago if I were him.....I do not know what to do....any suggestions.

Fed up and cant take any more....

Answer 1

look even if u 100 years old you will still her kid she is old woman now and may be she change treat her very well dont let her get you and be diplomatic my father was as your age but she was live with us and i was only 14 years old and she was talk to me and im the only one who she trust and talk to me cause i was as sponge to her kiss all her pain away im 27 now but im the only member on my family who know how to deal with old ppl any problem i solve it to them so i know how to deal with old ppl my opinion is dont tell her direct cause she will stubborn just make her feel that she was wrong when she treat you that way by treating her better than ever it will take time but you will be the winner believe me at the end she is your mother you cant treat her bad or you will really be looser  may be cause you are away from her most of time you feel loyal to your grand and untie but dont forget she was and still and will always be your mother she carry you for 9 month with pain and get through labor pain to just see you so when you treat her better and she still bad you will be winner dont try to think about payback with your own mother im sorry if i take long but hope i helped  

Answer 2

tell her how you feel

and that you have been taking this stuff for to long

Answer 3

she could have dementia as the first poster said. as people get older theses diseases are not uncommon.

Answer 4

It is possible she has some issue like a developing case of Alzheimers or some other problem.  It is hard, but do your very best to let it roll off your back, turn off your emotional reaction as soon as it starts.  This is great advice and I should follow it myself--like I said, its hard, but realize that the person might have no control, or no grip on reality, and is the victim of a very cruel disease.  Take time out.  Think of a disengagement word, something you can mutter to yourself, that means "I am not reacting to this poor unfortunate person before me".  Good luck.

Answer 5

older ppl. tend to become irrascible w/ age.  keep in mind she prob. won't be around much longer.  she probably dealt w/ a lot of unpleasant things from her children when she was younger, so try to do the same for her a little longer.  She really might have develped alzheimers, also maybe might have some undiagnosed medical probs. like thyroid issues that cause ppl. to be a little unbalanced...just view her as a sick person, but keep in mind she's your mother.  maybe u can see her snide remarks as comical if u look really hard @the situation..?

Answer 6

The only way is to stand up to her, and then carry out your threat of not seeing her again, believe me I know where you are coming from...

Answer 7

You need to prove to her you indeed have a pair, the next unkind remark you tell her thats it you are tired of her constant. berating and sarcasm so she should call if she wants to apologize. and you should say this loud enough your dad can enjoy it too, he may discover he still has a pair too.