My mother-in-law and I get along fine, but she can be very critical of me at times. Should I tell her?

Question

My M-law is coming to visit following her recovery from major surgery. I have a good relationship with her, but every now and then she can be very critical of me when it comes to certain situations that may occur between me and my husband (her son). I am not oblivious to the fact that this is not an unusual reaction from many mother-in-laws ( from both sides), but my husband and I have been married for 12 years and have been together for nearly 18 years. I just want to know when she will finally let up on her unsolicitied advice pertaining to my marriage and how I function as a wife. I don't mind her visits -- she's great with the kids and we have good conversation, but I tire of some of the little comments she makes (" I don't think what you said to my son was fair," or " my son works very hard and he needs this or that," like she is speaking up for a 5 year old or something. I work d**n hard myself raising 3 children (8,6,2), and I make sure my husband is well taken care of, as he does the same for me and his children. My husband is a wonderful man, and we are very happy together. However, we do have occasional disagreements (normal) and she can't wait to pounce on me (and only me) about it if she overhears (or happens to listen in even though we make sure to disagree out of her presence). She never has one critical word to say to her son even if he is blatantly wrong? Honestly, it's really none of her business. I can usually tune her out, but lately I find myself growing tired of this tactic and wish she would just stop all together. My husband is aware of this, and he has had to confront her before about something she said that I didn't appreciate, but since most of the incidents happen when he is not here, I don't feel it's fair to drag him into something I think I need to handle on my own. I know she has just had surgery, and I don't wish to upset her, but if the oppportunity presents itself, should I confront her on this issue or should I just ignore it as usual to keep the peace? Two weeks is a long time to keep quiet, and I have three children to care for when she feels an urge to speak her mind, and I just don't need the added stress.

Answer 1

just tell them

Answer 2

she did just have surgery, but she is coming to visit you in your home. she has to show you respect and you have the right to demand it. if she starts being critical, then politely tell her that you didnt invite her to argue, that you just want to spend time together. hopefully she will get the hint. if you have to get more blunt, tell her that certain things are between you and your husband, and you would appreciate it if she kept her opinions to herself  

Answer 3

Yeah mother in laws are like that, my dad abused/s my mum and me and my grandmother knows but she still acts like the sun shines out of his *** and tells us we need to "appreciate all he does for the family"

Yeah he pays her bills, visits us 4 times a yr. Anyway....

When she is critical, just tell her, when your staying under my roof, please respect the way I do things, you can do things however you like in your house, in your marriage and with your children, and I will do what I like in mine.

Answer 4

yeah but be very carefull and polite

i'd go

i know X talked to you about this, and i been wondering what to do, because i really love the good relationship we have, and i value all your help and advices so i dont want to ruin our relationship, but sometimes you can side with your son in problems that dont really relate to you, and i understand you want to take his side, but we really need to work these things out ourself, we have ways to do this and agreements...i know it can look bad, but in all reality we usualy solve them through discusion, and are both very happy about that. I dont want to offend you or anything, but neither of us are kids, so if you could just keep to being a grandmother for our kids, and being our friend then we would apriciate it.

dont face her alone, sit her down togheter, so that you present a united front against her

i am so glad i am blessed not only with a wonderfull boy, but a future mother in law i will get well along with, and my bf is more nervous that will tag team up with me then the other way around. she have no daugthers, and we get along great so i think likelyhood she will adopt me and the bf would be the one who got told off *lol*

Answer 5

It is the same thing with my mothers mother in law she gets very upset and she is always upset.  It is very frustrating.  But what I have learned from my mom is that they are jealous of their son being shared with someone else.

I know it is frustrating, I am sorry.