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My mother-in-law just told us that I "forced" her son to marry him seven years ago. How can I handle this?

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My mother-in-law has tried to sabotage so many aspects of our marriage. Though we had been dating for eight years prior to our marriage, she was "shocked" at our engagement and tried to do what she could to ruin our engagement period. She told everyone at our engagement party that she didn't approve of our marriage, she told me about my surprise bridal shower on purpose, she told us that I was dishonoring my deceased father's memory by getting married so close after his death (his dying wish was that we married), do you see a pattern? That is just a small sampling of terrible things that she did. On the day of our wedding, she was miserable to the point that the videographer (who knew nothing about our situation) told us he stopping including her in the footage because he didn't think we wanted to remember how she acted.

After the wedding I tried in vain to move forward for the sake of my husband. In the seven (happy) years that we have been married, we have had several similar horrible incidents, all about control, all over some stupid detail that she turns into a huge incident (i.e. we didn't call her at the exact time she expected us to). She has blatantly made up lies about things that me and my family have supposedly said and done to gain other people's negative opinion of me. I honestly have tried and tried to keep my mouth shut save for a few blowups but this week she called us after not talking to us for eight weeks because she felt that her son hasn't called her enough to specifically say "Mom, what can I do for you?" which she feels she is owed because she raised him. I kid you not, I am not exaggerating.

After a two-hour screaming match in which every hurtful thing she has done to us came up, she told my husband and me that she has evidence that my family and I hatched a plan to coerce him into marrying me. To say that couldn't be farther from the truth is putting it mildly. She called me things like "missy" and "little girl" and "toots" when addressing me in this conversation and said that I am to respect her because she is my husband's mother and the grandmother of my children.

I want to cut off all ties at this point since she obviously has no respect for me and for my marriage, my husband is having a difficult time agreeing. I have put up with so much, but now I feel that the relationship has been ruined beyond a point of return. She would never agree to family counseling, which I would be totally open to, and she would never admit she's done anything wrong. I realize this is one side of the story, but I am being open and honest in hopes to get some advice. I really am at a loss for what to do at this point.

The thing that kills me is that I would give anything to have my father in my life and know my children. She has the priveledge of knowing her grandchildren and I now have to protect them from seeing this sick behavior.

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5 ANSWERS


  1. she is jelous and doesn't like you because you are the new woman in her "baby's," life now. she will not change because it makes her happy to see you miserable. if you can find a way to laugh it off like it doesn't matter what she thinks and tolerate her as little as possible then you are really doing all you can. I know how you feel because i don't get along with my sister-in law for a lot of the same reasons. i try very hard to just keep the peace for my and my brother's sake. i know that her bi-polar disorder makes her think that what she says and does will be tolerated because she has these like mental medical problems so she will always use that as her excuse to be so mean to me. i do not like it at all but i have to spend little to no time with my bro just so i do not fight with her. she knows how i feel but, she thinks she can do no wrong. i really hope you find a way to be happy in your situation. it seems like you love your husband a lot and you just are having a horrible time finding any love for his mother.


  2. She is not your problem. Ignore people you do not like. That is my whole rule. Don't go out of your way to get revenge or spite them. Don't let them turn you into a rude and obnoxious person. Just go on with life. Don't have to be nice, don't have to be mean. Just make yourself a nice brick wall everytime you see her. You should talk to your girlfriends about this, because I'm afraid your husband would probably be uncomfortable talking about the topic. I would not blame him the slightest. Good luck with the evil mother in law. My heart goes out to you.  

  3. best thing, ignore her(one or two f words never hurt to talk back or protect yourself) people will eventually see hows the culprit.

    most important thing, you and your husband must have a solid relationship that not anyone could interfere including his mom.

    In another words, he must have a ball and know how to  a man.

    Your husband are the one who shld act know, not you neither his mom. if not, too bad to have a mommy boy as a husband (im sure youre husband see what youre going through) you might want to consider your marriage again.good luck

  4. wow, it was like reading my own story. i should introduce my MIL to yours, i'm sure they'll be best buds. My MIL is exactly like yours, i know there are a lot more stuff you didn't get to write here, there's just to many to mention right?! well, i'm lucky my hubby sticks with me and knows the fact that his mother is such an ***. i don't even have to tell him to hate her, he already does because she causes misery to all the families of her kids. some mother huh. well, to make a long story short, my hubby has finally told his parents to stop calling us as we don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. were done.

    about counselling, well, i wouldn't even waste time for that dear, a person like that, as evil as she is, will never change. she will continously make you as miserable as she is. you're happier without her. i just hope your hubby supports you in this.

    i just realized i'm not alone in this world with a sick MIL!

  5. hi , sorry to say even after 7 long yrs it is still a messy situation for u and she still hasnt recognised u......most of the answers hve already said wht i wanted to, but i wld still say the best way is to ignore her and try to see or talk to her as less as possible, sorry to say this , it sounds harsh, but it will help u...remember ''Out of sight,Out of mind" !!

    I will add somthing frm my personal experience, if u sty silent out of respect and bear all wrng, people tend to take u for granted and think u r scared of thm !!! ya thts true !! but the moment u open ur mouth and give the others a piece of ur mind, people start respecting u as an individual !! sigh, sad but true !!!! but the trick is to be polite and still say ur thing, and remember not to let the other person see tht u r ''fighting'' !! all the best and take care

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