My mother in law never gives me my baby if he starts crying even though she can never calm him down

Question

i'm a stay-at-home mom and i am with my 4 month old son all the time. i usually satisfy his needs before he even gets a chance to cry. therefore, i HATE to see him cry when i'm at my in-laws. but my mother-in-law insists that she can calm him down when she never can!! and then i see my son looking at me and then i feel bad bc he could be thinking, Why isn't my mommy helping me??? I should add that my mother-in-law also annoys the h**l out of me so that adds to me stressing that she is making my baby cry.

anyway, what's a nice way to get my baby back so that I can calm him down?

Answer 1

Suggest he needs breast-feeding or some other thing that she CAN'T do for him :P Change his nappy, or feed him, or some other thing that she won't be able to do to calm him down. That way when she can't, she doesn't feel like it's her failing, it's just impossible for anyone but his mother to do those things. (Also she can't claim she can do it, cos she can't!)

Also keep in mind that she probably just wants to feel important to him, so try giving her stuff she CAN do that will help calm him down :)

Answer 2

just take him back. he's your child. Just say let me have him, and calm him and then I'll give him back!

BUT I have to tell you that you should the baby cry a little. Not for a long time, I would say for 2-3 minutes MAX.

You may not agree but it will teach your son a valuable lesson early on, that in fact you will be there and that sometimes he has to cry, so that you can get stuff done.

Babies are resilient and will adapt to the routines and systems you set quickly, so the earlier you teach him the sooner he will understand.

Answer 3

Hi.

I completely understand how you feel. My MIL drives me insane and does exactly the same thing. She insists that he is 'Nana's little man' and that somehow 'Nana's touch' is going to calm him down...never does. It is only by a sheer coincidence that he settles- believe me she has no magic touch at all.

For me, All i could do was leave the room as I don't really have the courage to stand up to her, but just insist that he is your son and you know how to settle him. If your breast feeding, use this as an excuse to take him back, if formula feeding and there's a chance he could be hungry, just say. 'Give him to me so I can settle him, and can you go and make up a bottle for me'- When i'm around my MIL this is what i do and it seems to work, then when she gets back with the bottle, if he's settled enough, let her feed him, if not, spend more time cuddling him reassuring him and feed him yourself.

Good luck, and find peace in the fact that there are hundreds more women like you in the exact same situation.

-Chez

Answer 4

go grab your kid! it is not hers. say...i need to see him. give her a firm look.  

Answer 5

As hard as this is for me to say, let her have your son. I have spent every waking moment with my daughter and she has gotten so used to me she doesn't want anyone else (even my hubby and he tries so hard). I just read it is a good thing for them to have new people to look at, even if they get fussy. I am still working on this myself cause it kills me to hear her cry knowing I can calm her. But your little one needs to know he is loved by everyone and will get used to it a lot sooner than you think. BTW my mother in law annoys the h**l out of me and she does the same thing. Anymore I am trying to stay out of the same room while she has the baby so neither can feel the frustration and I can have a few minutes by myself. Good luck to you, I am trying to deal with the same thing so I understand!

Answer 6

wtf?? Dude get your kid!!

Answer 7

I know that you probably feel that this isn't a good thing for him but there are some positives, firstly be thankful that your mother in law wants to be involved, secondly when you need a baby sitter she will be there for you. All babies go through that crying stage when they only want one person but it is beneficial to him to get used to different people and different methods of calming him down. Just imagine if you were rushed to hospital someone would have to care for him then and at least he would be used to other people. I'm sure that he is picking up on your stress so next time she has him pop out of the room for ten minutes and let her deal with him, it will be good for all of you.

Answer 8

Just be like oohh here let me see him I think I should I go check his diaper. Or here let me take him from you I know what he wants. Anything like that, just take him if you have too!

Answer 9

I know exactly how you feel. My mother-in-law also drove me crazy with her know-it-all attitude about babies. Before you get too stressed (so that you don't end up half-screaming at her), tell her in a calm voice that there was a time in HER life when she was the only one who could tend the HER babies best....but now it's YOUR turn to enjoy the same "mommy status". Stay calm and confident, because you have every right to have your baby back when YOU decided he's had enough.

Answer 10

jus tsay "no you can't he needs his mommy!!" [[in a nice way]] and ten grab him outof her hands. and if she gets mad then explainto her that you are is mommy.

hope I helped

good luckk!

Answer 11

i had a similar issue too. my mother in law could not calm down my baby. but after a while of letting her cry i usually just take her saying, "let me try. sometimes a change of hand does the trick!"

Answer 12

Tell her the truth nicely. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable when he cries and that he wants his mommy.  Also let her have special gramma time when he is not crying. She just wants to be included and take care of her grandson. So let her take care of him when he's not crying.

Answer 13

My MIL will do this too and I know that what she's doing isn't going to clam him down. He'll (3 months) will turn red and get baby tears and all. I just tell her that he knows he's not at home and he has a hard time when he's out for a good bit and he likes to nurse for comfort. So I take him back and put him to the boob and then all is quiet.  

Answer 14

take him off her. say you hold the baby in a special position that you find calms him. offer to show her. then later when baby crying in her arms tell her she still hasnt got the hold right. and take baby back.

Answer 15

Breast feeding? Oh, I'll go feed him would work in that case. As a last resort just take him. Her being pissed about it is way better than your son being upset and crying. She is very tactless not to just give him to you in the first place. You are way more tolerant than I would be.