My mother is 73 developing <span title="elzheimers,lost,mother,husband,son.over">elzheimers,lost,mother,hu...</span> 5 yrs. denial,won't get help,what do i do?

Question

My father died when i was 17,25 yrs ago,my mother remarried,the man was archie bunker/alcoholic.she retired at 62,to care for him,diabetes,pace maker,etc,8yrs later he died in 2000 in there bathroom,2003 her mother 93 moved in with her on oxygen,hospice coming twice a week,she died in her house too 2004,then her son

moved home cancer,2004 he died sept.2007 almost 1 yr ago,i moved home to help her in 2005,been here since trying to help ,she won't admit she has elzheimers,won't get help depressed an bitter,what can i do she panics when i walk out the door,her father had elzheimers,she refuses to talk to me about it,HELP!

Answer 1

you are going to have to get her help whether she wants it or not, i would call her doctor and get his advice first

Answer 2

Contact your local AARP and call United Way for more referrals.

Answer 3

I know exactly how you feel.  My mother had dementia.  You need to change roles.  You become the &quot;parent&quot; and she the &quot;child.&quot;  My mother lived with us for two years.  What you need to do is just take her to her doctor, or yours.  Go in with her.  Never, ever leave her alone.  The doctor will tell you want you need to know and who to contact for more support.  He may even prescribe her something for depression.  Tell her they are vitamins, whatever, but you make sure she takes them.  You give them to her to take.  You may have to set some rules for your mother, talk nicely to her, but be firm.  If she doesn&#039;t like to be left alone, then always be with her and take her with you everywhere.  (I had to do that.  For a while I though she was attached at the hip, but it paid off in the long run.)  Sometimes I&#039;d have her sit at the front of the store when I&#039;d go grocery shopping, and the employees knew who she was and kept an eye on her so she wouldn&#039;t wander off.  You may need to do the same.  I know it&#039;s hard, but once you get into a routine it gets easier.  Try to let her do things for herself if she can, just make her believe she&#039;s being independent.  Like, I&#039;d help my mother take a shower, and when she got out, I told her I&#039;ll let her dry off and get dressed by herself, but I was always listening t what she was doing.  Have ID on her, in case she wanders off, but tell her to tell you if she&#039;s going outside, limit her to the backyard or something if she enjoys sitting out there.  Tell her to always tell you where she&#039;s at.  And check on her.  The doctor or hospital will give you a lot more information on alzheimers, as I know it&#039;s a bit different than my mother&#039;s dementia.  

My heart goes out to you, and I grew up with great parents, and with Honor Thy Mother and Father.  Now it&#039;s your turn to take care of her, and you will be rewarded greatly.  Just be patient, and take her to the doctor for her appointments.  Tell her you&#039;re going on an outing, go to the doctor and then maybe go have lunch or something.  See if there is a senior center in your area that you can take her to for a few hours.  (Give yourself a break too.)  

My mother passed away just over a year ago now.  I still miss her, but am so glad I was with her until the very end.  My husband was really great too, he understood, supported me, and he always cared about my mother anyway.  Good luck to you.  God Bless.  And remember, God&#039;s with you, he&#039;ll always listen.  He&#039;ll give you the strength.